His Dream Lovers
Dreamed 1995/9/11 by Chris Wayan
I'm reading an underground comic book, in bed. The last story is of a man who dreams of his ideal lover, and then wakes in the night to find his dream-lover in bed with him--REAL. They make love and he falls asleep. He dreams again--of a different lover, a different sex fantasy. You guessed it. He wakes to find THAT one in his bed...
Only the first one's still there, sleeping! The man can't help it, he falls asleep and dreams again, and a THIRD lover materializes. And then a fourth... They accumulate all night, filling the bed up... And what do they think of each other? Will they quarrel, make friends? Fall in love with each other? Quite funny as well as sexy.
I just read the text and ignore the pictures--I'd rather imagine my own dream lovers than look at the crude drawings typical of undergrounds. The story plays well as plain prose, anyway.
My housemate Jackie comes to the door, and looks in. "What's up?" she says.
I'm about to say "you ought to read this!" when I really look at the pictures instead of just read the dialog, and see with a sudden shock that the man's dream-lovers are all young boys! Every one. I cringe.
Though my head says "It should make no difference--gay or straight, adult or child, they're his DREAMS, and dreams are never crimes..." The text gave no hint who they were, and that of course was the point--their feelings are what matter. Our souls, not our outward form.
But I only know it, not feel it. Hide that page from Jackie in shame, turn to another, hoping for something funny, light, even sexy... but safe.
I DID cartoon today. Some life drawings, some quite sexy. No small boys--not my thing at all. But some surreal, even bizarre--so I kept my door shut, embarrassed to let Jackie see what I was imagining. Ashamed of ANYTHING but vanilla!
As if images are reality.
As if imagination is a crime.
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