A tall busty girl's younger, part-unicorn friend starts developing breasts at last. She makes
boob jokes, mocking her own body to reassure her herdmate she's no competition...
CAUTION: SELF-PUTDOWNS
I fall in love, defying kidnappers, dwarf-tossers and
Toulouse-Lautrec, until I become a time-traveling bunny...
CAUTION: SEX, SHAMANISM, DWARF-TOSSING (LAUTREC!)
Adrian and Jennifer and Michelle try very very hard to get my attention, but I'm a bit oblivious...
CAUTION: SEXUAL STUPIDITY
An artificial intelligence acquires fans and has orgies with her groupies. Her creators
don't care as long as the advertisers get product placement. But she has this size fetish...
CAUTION: VIBRATORS
A sexy comedian and her troubles down the drain.
A dream that turned out to be true six days later,
and again in a different way six YEARS later...
Weird paintings cover a hill town in Africa, demanding I paint them when I wake.
Paintings on courage, flight... and defying tradition.
I dream of an airplane with a born-again pilot. I challenge him:
"just because you're rich doesn't mean you can run things"...
At the airport, a new automatic photo booth shoots your memories!
Julie can't resist... and emerges, excited, to find that...
A late-night conversation with the proud developer
of a new concept in South Asian convenience dining...
I've gotten used to the second penis I grew, though it limits who'll want me.
But this morning I woke with a third. And am I sure the sprouting's done?
CAUTION: HORNY
I'm touring a gloomy, firelit Victorian mansion filled with icons and idols from every
faith in the world, while this funny theme song loops in my head. What is that song?
CAUTION: MUSLIM RANTER; EMBARRASSING SONG
My sister Althea decides my house has demons, and hires an exorcist who botches things, so that...
A chronological orgy of my self-images from childhood on: horses, geeks, girls, satyrs, boys, monsters...
CAUTION: CARTOON SEX
I'm a ghost watching future archeologists dig up a site of my people--and get it so wrong...
DREAM: Ants invite me to a picnic. But one of the dishes they serve is--other ants!
NEXT DAY: I'm invited to a picnic. And my friend, munching, says...
CAUTION: BUG-EAT-BUG WORLD
Why has no one noticed that the side effects of a household appliance violate all known physics?
Golden Gate Park's arboretum, in San Francisco, is home to feral cats, skunks, raccoons, people...
DREAM: I write a book involving spies and Lord Snow, but give him a cover name: Artie Shaw.
TWO WEEKS LATER: My wife & I go on the Tonight Show; unexpectedly, Artie Shaw shows up!
I tell him the dream. He turns pale, saying "No one knows this--I wrote a book under the name..."
CAUTION: WILL BOTHER E.S.P. SKEPTICS
It was a dark and stormy night. I was lost, till I stumbled on God
in her underground control room. God was helpful. Too helpful...
A host of Fred Astaires dance mid-air in an endless spiderweb,
then pound on typewriters randomly forever...
I erase my sexual tape, and start over. Am I male, female, gay, straight? Uh-oh! What SPECIES?
CAUTION: MESSY SEXUAL BOOBOOS
I'm pregnant. I feel abortion's wrong, but can I safely bear a child at 45? But then...
It's my son's ex-girlfriend who's pregnant and my son's the father! But then...
It's my daughter who's pregnant. At least her boyfriend's supportive. But...
CAUTION: THIS FETUS GETS AROUND
I'm very pregnant and feel bloated. My mom says "That's what you get for not using a condom"...
I pass a jogger with her upper torso twisted 180 degrees round, unable to see straight...
CAUTION: DISSES IGNORAMUSES--YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. OH WAIT, YOU DON'T.
I show a friend my book of dream-art, but it's half-baked and embarrassing.
I'm no good at smuggling guns, porn or cash through customs, either...
CAUTION: LOW-RES SMUT IN THAT BOOK
I'm in psychoanalysis. A diagnostic chart maps which areas of my psyche are bad:
nearly all of them. My therapist says "My God, how did your parents raise you?"
A whale-spirit marries a poker-player. But her sonar sees too much. Whale-spirits prefer blackjack...
An experiment to see if pie can substitute for REM seems to work at first, but after the third slice
the subject grows less enthused. By slice six, he dreams he's forcing that pie down the experimenter...
Alien robots kidnap me... and make me the mascot for a college football team.
But my Channel Changer slowly infuses us all with nerdy trust...
A New Age graduation party spurs a wild dream of the spiritual odyssey of Catwoman,
starring Alexander the Great, Batman, God, and Rumi the poet (played by Frank Zappa)...
CAUTION: MORAL RELATIVITY
Fresh off the Beagle, Darwin meets three wolf-girls, but has distinctly Biblical inhibitions...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, SPECISM, PUNS
I screw the lightbulbs in my ears again, and this time, they stay. I sit down at the piano, and as I play...
Parasites, Rambo, huge fetus-beets, an exhibitionist and a living statue advise me on my love life...
CAUTION: NUDITY
My kidnappers were desperate: no jobs. I fled them down the berry chute, to the underground
strawberry factory where engineers in go-go boots did the berry dance--and the berries...
CAUTION: STRAWBERRY FETISH
My top-heavy friend Beryl borrows my ass and legs to become
a centaur so she won't fall over. But I want them back, so...
CAUTION: CRUDE AND STUPID
My friend Beryl wants me to help rob a bank, so she can
cut off her breasts and be a great opera singer...
I'm a giant cartoon bird. I had to assassinate a friend--twelve times!
Eleven times I killed him, but I spared him the twelfth. He said...
Someone is giving birth, and we're panicky. Fortunately, the Postal Service has
issued stamps with helpful advice like "Stay Calm" and "Boil Water"...
My sister & I try to sing an original, but every note summons old jazz greats, leaving us
no musical elbow room! So I quack like a duck. Nope! Giant ducks appear, and say...
CAUTION: RACIAL ANXIETY? GIANT DUCKS!
My crazy friend Wayne goes bowling for busses with a black egg. Wait! Crazy? Or... predictive?
CAUTION: GEORGIA O'KEEFFE BEHAVES DISGRACEFULLY
A bubble of spacetime distortion lands in an awkward place,
making people mistrust the unlucky recipient...
I'm a wizard chasing crooked politicians in a big city. They have a car, I hop a trolley--
only on the astral plane it's a giant blue millipede, and...
CAUTION: RECKLESS DRIVING, THEFT OF PUBLIC MILLIPEDE
I'm in bed with a witch and a piano who's come alive and wants to try sex with us. But I worry a stranger named
Linda will break in. I wake, write the dream--and a stranger breaks into our house seeking her son! Her name's...
CAUTION: BIZARRE THREESOME, BIZARRE PRECOGNITION
DREAM: I'm in a restaurant offering just one dish: wild boar, for $12. Excessive. I say no.
NEXT DAY: I tackle a book review I must write. The book costs $12. Excessive. Oh! It's a...
I dreamt Bob was a tree-god enthroned in ivy. I said...
Scuba diving, we find Atlantis. Beautiful Greek statues. But some kid painted a baseball in
Aphrodite's hand. And the bobcat diving with us has been holding its breath for an hour...
I found a honeymoon cottage by the sea, and the old landlady gave me a very reasonable rate. Everything was fine...
I seek a stolen magic necklace, but end up dating the thief, an elf-queen with STRANGE taste in cookery...
CAUTION: BAD SOUP
I dream the universe runs on Bollywood rules. I can stand the constant singing
and breakdancing; what gets under my skin is that Bollywood Code...
Soul-Poodle is torn between Le Bone Dieu and Dancing Pussy. Who will our horny dogma chase?
CAUTION: MUTT SMUT
The world's first all-bulemic band, Veronica and the Vomits, provokes a riot at our local punk club. So I go to
Anorexic Bootcamp where models learn self-defense under fire, as calories and fat jokes whiz by...
CAUTION: BARF, HORNY ANOREXIC, FOOD FIGHT
Tax-funded child prostitution ends war--sex calms men down from
mean chimps to nice bonobos. Rough on street kids, though...
CAUTION: SEXPLOITATION, SATIRE HARSH AS JONATHAN SWIFT. UNICORNS, TOO!
A woman urged her friend to give her daughter a musical education. Without hearing this, the child went hunting for...
My evil twin, Boris Badenov, wants $8000 or else. I ask my dreams for a solution, and get one...
Flu. Ow, cramps! But that night I dream of a miner's rebellion against our fat-cat boss. Which side am I on?
Reaching into her coat pockets, my sister pulls out fistfuls of bottlecaps.
Silly dream! Then my sister visits. Reaching into her coat pockets...
When girls get their clits cut, even the UN takes notice. But mutilate boy genitals, and... big yawn!
CAUTION: TALK ABOUT SEX AND VIOLENCE--BUT HEY, IT'S ONLY BOYS
Mobilization, war, troop transport, slogans, marching bands and orgies, all in an apotheosis of dough...
CAUTION: ENDS IN SEX
I'm bad. I'm really bad. I know I shouldn't have done it. But my mail-order breasts were late...
CAUTION: BREAST THEFT
Biking, I stray into the steamy Brundibar Sea. My bike dissolves!
But hot-tubbers explain the Sea manifests what you visualize. Yay! Uh-oh...
CAUTION: MYSTICISM AND HOLOCAUST HISTORY
I meet William F. Buckley and his beloved pet pig. Only
the hog's a live H-Bomb, and the leash is a trigger...
CAUTION: REVOLTING GUY, PET, AND ISSUE
Gosh, I'm speechless. How Zen! Market me at once!
CAUTION: MOCKS RELIGION. OR ADVERTISING. ONE OF THOSE.
I'm Bugs Bunny. I torment Daffy Duck till I learn that in many time-branches the New
Deal happened late... or never. I decide to prod a reluctant Franklin Delano Roosevelt...
CAUTION: FIRESIDE PETTING, DUCK TORTURE, BAD POLITICS
I dream I'm at a center for bull fighting, teaching the structure of the brain, but
they believe the brain is a structureless gelatin and the soul is all...
Reporters interview my pet rabbit without my permission. Have I neglected her? She says
"Things have been pretty good." I'm relieved, but ask why she never spoke before...
Businessmen grow snouts or short trunks and their necks stretch.
They drive VW Beetles with the sunroof open. Works in summer, but...
I'd just gone off to college. I dream I'm back in my quarrelsome family's house--
as they start World War Three in the back yard! But our cat...
In a world with a dozen intelligent species, dominated by dinosaurs,
I get in trouble for publishing a kinky tale of forbidden mammal love...
A glowing sentient autistic button falls in love with a small boy; then I try
to make two friends change orientation and fall in love by singing 'Molly Malone'...
CAUTION: JUST... WRONG
The cake horse resented my taking one slice out of him; but he let me.
No second slice, though! He just laughed at me--through his bad teeth...
I'm naked in a forest where the trees talk. They want my cock. A girl materializes, and we make love, but now
the treefolk are our congregation, cheering us on. Only they call her my sister! She says "Yes. But I was never
born. Dad beat Mom to abort me." She fades away, a ghost! I pick up a knife to protect Mom against Dad...
CAUTION: PORNY SEX, SUDDEN GRIM END
On the beach, seated at The Piano, director Jane Campion warns
"Avoid Hollywood, they'll snip away at your vision..."
News of a new national park and a science show on cleaner-fish spur a daydream of dolphins, cats and...
CAUTION: FISH ORGY; MOCKS THE ANGEL MORONI, TOO
My cat keeps going into heat and sneaking out for sex with my godmother's pet crab, and...
CAUTION: SEX, BAD PUNS, CRABBINESS
DAY: I thorn-puncture my hands while gardening, and write stupid poetry about it...
EVE: I watch Little Darlings, a teen sex farce that turns weirdly serious...
DREAM: a Mysterious Pussy guards us librarians from stinky alien dinosaurs...
CAUTION: SEXUAL INNUENDO???
My writer-friend Cecy will do anything to get published. Anything? Oh, believe me, ANYTHING...
CAUTION: BONDAGE, not to mention POSTAGE
At a snake-weaving party I flirt with my anima, who tells me how the
cake fell off the roof. I think "At last we're really connecting!"...
As a mob of Hollywood stars beats me up, I ask for autographs--and get them.
I sell the autographs to fund a statue of the beating--but with me smiling...
I was going to music camp, but I didn't know how to play my cello.
A teenager and her mother slept like vampires in her giant cello case...
Non-dream centaur ballerinas invade my dreams, because they long to be in the World Dream Bank...
CAUTION: BARBIE CENTAUR NUDITY, CASTING-COUCH OVERTONES
Me and my sisters at the beach. Strangers rarely think we're related, and you can see why...
An experiment with digital textures that fascinated me. Not a dream, just feels like it.
Fear anorexia? Gain weight, yet stay slender--be a centaur, like model Paulina Porizkova...
CAUTION: NUDITY; BODY IMAGE/ANOREXIA ISSUES
I snorkel over time-reefs to an era of talking animals--but why crash on the head of rocker Suzi Quatro?
To help the King of Italy, I become a baker in Baluchistan--
learning Norwegian, levitating, meeting quaggas, riding landslides...
I'm in school on a chimp scholarship and it's time for my final exam...
I find I'm a self-made... critter. A plushie sewn with zippers so I can stuff any bits of me that
seem flat or limp. But my filling's not cotton, polyester or foam. It's chocolate! So I have...
CAUTION: CRUDE DREAM, AWFUL PUN
Freud explains to me why writing's so hard. His explanation is as senseless as his other theories...
In an alternate Judea, I long for a female Christ and her lesbian apostles.
My lust is unrequited, till a small Sex Kitten gives me some wise advice...
CAUTION: CAT NUDITY, BLASPHEMY
I meet a dancer who plays a stick figure on stage. She smokes
a cigar. I ask her how many a day she smokes, and she answers...
My skateboard-riding mermaid girlfriend and I bind ourselves together by the magical power of names...
I touch the secret soul of a cancer survivor, upsetting her. To apologize, I become a goofy hopping god...
CAUTION: FONDLING SACRED FIGURINES
Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush were having a secret love affair, and I was sharing their bed...
I model with ten blonde clones. They want to be seen as individuals, so it's their last fashion show before...
An over-eager landscaper mows my dad's new beard, unasked. Debate in court!
Is the art of mowing free speech, or is your face your castle?
I meet King Louis-Philippe, but as I recall his symbol, the cockerel, he transforms to suit.
Now he cannot read the letter presented to him, so it becomes a basket of bird-seed...
Being a hippie artist in San Francisco today feels like being an animal in an African game park...
A castle with horse statues in the moat. Only... one of them is alive! He's my lover...
CAUTION: EVERY SEX TABOO YOU CAN THINK OF
I knew my new girlfriend was the large economy size but I didn't realize she was a gas giant until...
CAUTION: FLATULENT PLANETARY NUDITY
A visit to the Conches, a strange race of molluscs who are people only seasonally...
I'm on vacation, but cultists lick my feet--then turn on me, casting stones. But they miss.
So I wander the steppe for centuries, until I come to the City of Texas...
After seeing Christina Applegate in Married with Children, I dream I'm in bed with her. For
contraception, I open a little square packet with... a condom? Or is it a fast-food packet of...
CAUTION: SEXUAL THEME
Calvin Coolidge takes over the White House and invites
his rich fossil friends over for a bath and a song...
Coyote's pagan parody of the Christian Lord's prayer. Well, actually, it's kind of sweet..
CAUTION: SACRILEGE, ESPECIALLY THE BIT ABOUT TEMPTATION
Coyote invades an abstract painting to expose why the art world loves that high-concept, impersonal art...
A true tale proving the Trickster God really will provide. We're lilies of the field!
I’m an Asian kid in Pacifica, California. My parents annoy me, so I offer them for sale on Craigslist. A cop appears...
Crissi is a strange creature that has prowled my subconscious for a few years...
CAUTION: SPIDER SEX, BONDAGE
I dream up a shining mall. At a booth selling herbs I meet my mentors, Crone and Sage.
They tease me for building a venue so banal. But I tease right back: "This place shapes you..."
CAUTION: CRITIQUES BUDDHIST PURITY
A spinoff band sues the original group for playing their own songs and using their own name...
Tossing out old papers, I find a dream about crows who
whack pigeons with baseball bats, ending with this moral...
The only man in the Miss America Japanese Tea Ceremony Swimsuit Pageant, I learn a tearful lesson...
CAUTION: DYSFUNCTIONAL FLIRTING
I infiltrate the Cult of Cake. Novices drool over chocolate frosting
and hand over their life savings. It's a pyramid scheme! A food...
CAUTION: TRUMP REFERENCES; HIDEOUS PUN
That broccoli business made the new pope controversial, but when he goes off to find his girlfriend...
CAUTION: CATHOLIC SACRILEGE I'M SURE
How I cursed Isabella the sofa sorceress, cursed her with a blueberry. And why that stinks...
CAUTION: UNDER THE MAGIC, IDEAS
I'm trapped in a cute cartoon universe! Worse, to judge this beauty contest,
I have to see past our style to our souls...
How my dad got onto the board of directors and made the organization his own...
She asked "What, plus a teaspoon of knowledge and
a teaspoon of wisdom, makes three teaspoons of nothing?"
I just watch as all the dance students practice the jive step. I think I already know that one...
I challenged my dreams to hit me with their worst. And they did...
On Thursdays, in Tungusia, looking at your watch could save your life...
CAUTION: DEFAMES SIBERIANS
My dad saw a mob killing; our family enters witness protection. But why's my new role female? Well, my parents...
CAUTION: WILLING OR UNWILLING DRAG?
While going through a painful breakup, I kept having sexy, lucid, psychic dreams...
Wayan dreams of surprising Dawn on the toilet. She dreams that flushing away evidence of Foul Play won't work...
I'm in Lawrence, Kansas, watching a TV ad for hemorrhoid cream that won't solve your nuclear war problems...
CAUTION: LANGUAGE; ADVERTISING; HUMAN EXTINCTION
I die young, to get it over with, like chickenpox. As I slowly revive, I face bias against the dead. So..
In a darkened room of deaf women watching a slideshow,
I find no one can hear me in either English or Sign...
Evangelists pester me until I get so mad I make an on-the-spot deal with...
CAUTION: MAD AT CHRISTIANS AGAIN
General De Gaulle gives me a ride in his armchair with the plexiglass
roof. Alarming--since he drives backward at full speed...
A Queen Bee devil kidnaps my grandniece; I kill her to free the child. Turns out even Hell's leaders are relieved.
She returns as a satanic housing developer. Slicker this time, but just as crooked. Must I kill her again?
CAUTION: DEVILS, VIOLENCE (NONGRAPHIC)
I stumble into the middle of a dream conversation--on ghosts, tiaras and pigs--
and struggle to figure out what what on earth we were already talking about...
I dream of a TV sitcom with passive boytoys, dildo balloons & a relentless laughtrack...
CAUTION: OH, READ THE TITLE
I'm a reporter. In the mall, I get my pocket picked repeatedly--
but the thieves keep slipping mysterious stuff in, not out...
CAUTION: PUN
CAFTAN: My ultra-conservative brother wears a caftan. No way!
I woke amused. But later that day, he gave me a Christmas present...
DICKENS: A voice rants "I love Dickens! It has to be Dickens!"
Next evening on Night Gallery, Agnes Moorehead begs for...
The dinosaurs I meet manage to prove BOTH leading
time-travel theories! Yet they're incompatible...
I'm turned into a small dinosaur and treated as a guard dog. But I meet a dino girl. We have fun,
once we see it's a movie--they won't kill off the love interests. Hollywood rules make us invulnerable...
My paleontologist mom can scuttle like a lizard, so why can't she manage a dinosaur gait?
Peering in a spacetime gate, I wonder if all the dinos went extinct. Would we spot an ancient Singularity?
I carelessly burst in on a friend, a gay dinosaur, during a Jewish holiday rite,
startling him so he raises his spiny crest, levitating his yarmulke...
A Marin girl finds a dirty secret in the school library--they discard the unpopular.
She kinda identifies with the discarded books. And discarded people...
I'm trapped in a nature documentary about mating displays among humans...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, PBS NARRATION, AND OTHER EMBARRASSMENTS
Sex in a meadow? A protest march distracts us. But a friend warns me of a disease, Coitus Distractus...
CAUTION: (DISTRACTED) SEX
I get bullied into dogwalking. A biter--leaves a cat bloody. You'd think a talking dog'd listen. But Cheney...
A master criminal is tracked down by a hound in a monk's robe
who's introduced to me as... the President of the United States?
Wayan dreams of petting an adorable cat-dog. The same night...
Cory dreams of meeting an adorable dog-cat. Later that day...
At the beach, Cory meets a woman with a dog named... Oh. You guessed.
I get a job in China teaching bus-driving dogs how to fly. I don't know how. Luckily, the dogs...
The guest room has a giant plush doggie. Next thing I know, I'm humping her
doggie style, on the windowsill where the girl driving the backhoe can see...
CAUTION: CRINGEWORTHY SEX
I find I'm a fox singing the Disney musical version of a canine epic: the tale of Odysseus the
Mutt and his purebred Big Brother vying for the paw of Penelope--and the throne of Ithaka...
CAUTION: POLTERGEIST
Tarot with Dolly Parton. But I piss her off. "Men! You think I'm dumb, cuz of my tits!" She fixes THAT...
CAUTION: STUPID BREAST HUMOR BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT GRUESOME
My hunting license won’t let me legally shoot a giraffe or ibex, but I do bag a prime Macy’s salesman...
CAUTION: LICENSE TO KILL
I ride my tricycle all round Sydney trying to get bureaucratic approval
to feed bananas to my friend the grizzly bear, gooey though he gets...
When my first play failed, I tried to console myself by reading Paradise Lost.
But drama and devils don't mix...
I project I'll make a lot more money soon. Good, now I can support all my lazy friends! Wait...
While we're making crop-circles in the field of psychotherapy, my hypnotist and I start to argue...
FERRY: the crossing is rough, but I'm warned I must find my own sea-legs...
BUZZ OFF: I step into a family photo, but I'm not welcome in the past...
A house with a fire-ghost infestation. Worse than termites!
And the ghosts tell me it's all my fault....
The goddess of Night is in love with me, but I'm married, and tired, and just full of excuses...
I'm in a tower of men, each son on his father's back, down to a patient overburdened ape.
His savanna's full of angry women who can only see him to yell at. Standoff. We can't escape.
I wake saying "Ease off, let the ape breathe. Let me down...
I meet two women in dream-prison. One's a giant, one a miniature. A fairy? She says, 'No, I'm..."
Fighting vampire archers is risky enough WITH proper armor! And all I have is dream-journals...
CAUTION: MENTIONS BATTERING
An experimental helmet knocks me out. I'm groggy, miserable, till I learn what it did to others...
It's not easy to get a California driver's license, ever since the Dept. of Motor Vehicles went Jungian...
I'm chosen to demonstrate crazy sex positions with a Tibetan lama on stage in front of a crowd...
CAUTION: GOOFY SEX
I was on one of those package dream-tours--an hour here, a scene there. But then in Patagonia...
CAUTION: CREEPING PAGANISM
Granny's magic nipple helps me foil the yuppies dumping toxic
waste. But does it count if I did it just to save my own...
CAUTION: CRUDE TALK; STETHESCOPIC NIPPLE
Concerned about my health, I up my fiber intake. But not from the usual sources...
CAUTION: BAD DIETARY ROLE MODEL
My new editor starts rejecting my poems. My new new editor rewrites them for me. I feel lucky not to be arrested...
A young, naive, ethereal dream gets an Animus to guide her through the crazy material plane...
CAUTION: GRATUITOUS WILLIAM SHATNER
I learn weird sex positions from an abused elf, have calligraphic orgasms, and then I, uh, turn on my stereo...
CAUTION: SEX, ESP, ANORGASMIA, PAST LIVES, ABUSE ISSUES
In a field in the Central Valley, I face the Terror of California...
CAUTION: FIENDISH LEFTIST PROPAGANDA
In between drawing devil-bunnies, I advocate letting doomed fringe candidates donate their votes
to more viable colleagues, letting voters express their real choices, not vote for the lesser evil...
CAUTION: POLITICS!
Pa warns me to protect my paws. Then gilt wounds my sole. Then
a lioness eats a tasty drumstick. Then a bus crashes on our corner--for real!
DAY: I see Disney's new film, Encanto. Everything's about Family. You are your role. What is this, 1950?
DREAM: I'm trapped in Encanto's Family. We have powers--but what powers our powers is sibling incest...
CAUTION: DID I MENTION INCEST?
I dream my autistic son, miraculously high-functioning, recites a math-poem to a crowd...
Then I become cartoon cat Madam Purr-Say and chant my own defiant poem at the dream gods...
CAUTION: FIRST POEM AUTISTIC, SECOND PISSY
I'm trapped in a TV documentary on nuclear war! Better dive through a TV screen and find a safe sitcom...
WAYAN: I wake deep in the night. From the black square of a curtainless window, eyes are peering in at me...
MARK: I wake to find a black square trapdoor in my bedroom ceiling. From the dark above, eyes peer in at me...
A sardonic little poster on dating-role reversal with helpful advice...
CAUTION: PHALLUS INVADES PHOTOSHOOT
Inspired by a fashion outtake of model and director clowning. I fused the director and the camera, and...
CAUTION: MILD NUDITY
A free university just opened in town. The curriculum evolves by natural
selection. Anyone can teach! Should I? Just don't eat the food...
My fever-dreams manifest physically and mess up my whole neighborhood. Seismic inspectors arrive...
While my body expels a kidney stone, weird scenes happen on the astral plane. At least I get to dip the pope.
CAUTION: PAIN, PEE, POPE
Coming down with a virus, I dream of a guy who INSISTS we must fight, it's just so FUN...
Shasé liked absurd, impossible poses, and she held them heroically...
CAUTION: SILLY NUDITY
For mere disobedience, I EXECUTE a forest-fire-fighting cat! So next
I'm trapped in a security-obsessed job; how do I like it? I flee...
I meet a monster--half earthworm, half giraffe. Then I realize she’s kind of cute...
I read The Best American Poetry, 2007, but it just isn't, and I find myself writing a Savage Poetic Response...
I'm a monster working in a shopping mall in Stockton, California, when I smell smoke...
CAUTION: FILM NOIR SEX
My eighth grade class is a flock of birds migrating south for the winter, but we don't migrate the easy way...
THAT DAY: I test my hearing range; it turns out to be more dog than human...
DREAM: To banish a teacher & her giant fly, I summon a musical goddess...
In Kathmandu, I'm given a flying carpet--but it skims along
only a few feet up, and ambles slower than I can walk...
A farmer dreamt his new cow grew wings and flew away. Next day, he sold that cow at a heavy loss. Walking
home with the cash, he found a tame falcon, and tied its leg to his moneybag. One guess what the bird did...
My lesbian twin, who lives in the unemployment line, falls in love with a pushy moose from Brooklyn...
CAUTION: INEPT SEX
I dream all night of weird feet: a blue alien holograph of one, a band called Foot, parasails turning into sky-feet...
My car's idling too fast. After hours of diagnosis, I notice a foot's on the gas! But not my foot...
A Jungian figure dispenses Wisdom. Overwhelmed, annoyed, I try to shut him up
by manifesting money out of nowhere. But nothing shuts up the Fount of...
Books are clothes, and always were. A potato makes me lie, and everyone gets it but me.
Sex in a crowd disarms the Mom Squad! And a Mystic Autistic's soul explores my room...
CAUTION: PUBLIC SEX? PROBABLY.
I was the first woman made High Commissioner of Baseball. One day a team of mutants begs a franchise...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, BAD TEAMWORK, HORNY BEES
I felt like my heart was in my stomach. My friend Lyx opened me up & said "It is." She scolded me for eating it...
CAUTION: URP
Two protesters, under the weight of full scuba gear and flippers, waddle toward City
Hall--the first steps of a transcontinental march. Or at least transcontinental waddle...
I'm trying to hump the entire State of California. In public,
too. What brought THIS on? Well, actually, I know...
CAUTION: OBSCENE SITUATION--AND TITLE. OOPS, TOO LATE.
As they lower me into my grave, mourners don't throw dirt but--cottage cheese? I toss it
back, starting a huge foodfight. I climb out to join the fun. Only the poor pastor looks lost...
We're interviewing new housemate-candidates. But one is my own Jungian Shadow...
Parking structures with spiral ramps are, secretly, screws harvesting motion from parking cars, slowly drilling
into near-impenetrable rock. Thus are skyscraper-foundations made...
My anima sends me on peculiar journeys--smoke rings, islands, conversations with a stone--
but at last it's just us. She has something more she wants to teach me. On that bed...
CAUTION: ASTRAL COME-ON
George Jetson is married to Wilma Flintstone--though they're both big cats.
When George comes home high on mushrooms, he doubts what's on his bed...
CAUTION: CARTOON ADULTERY
I dream my sister has an epiphany--we should relax, blur our boundaries, and just be
sloppy old Geysers of Good. Surprisingly, my financier mentor agrees...
CAUTION: DECLARES CAPITALISM OBSOLETE
WAYAN: I dream a transparent ghost steals my sister Miriel's white VW bug...
MIRIEL: I dream about a ghost and my old white VW bug that was stolen...
CAUTION: E.S.P. CLAIM
A whimsical spook causes a chain of crashes--a pedestrian dodges an elephant, swerving a car
that shoves a cyclist into a luggage-wrangler whose rolling suitcase panics a dog who runs into...
It was Christmas and we needed to buy gifts. But the shopping dragged on
and when at last we went to the register, the sales clerk laughed...
Dream: a woman wants to drive my old hippie bus. But a tire's missing! She pushes. I don't think it's safe...
Next evening: my housemate wants to drive my old hippie bus. She pushes, but I don't think it's safe...
I was in the Mission with friends. A giraffe saw me as narrowminded, and lifted me up
to show me HIS viewpoint. No insights--till we topped the roofline...
My parents pray for my success, and arrange a great learning opportunity for me. Really.
I knew I was dreaming but the world looked quite realistic. I struck a wineglass with all my strength--a risky act,
if I were awake. It didn't shatter. But when I looked again, it lay broken! Like an actor who'd missed its cue...
My house is a bar that never closes. You know what a gay bar is. Well, we're the opposite: a....
CAUTION: BAD VIBES
Walking around my brother's farm, I met this goat with a human head. He'd been playing with matches...
At 15 I misheard God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen and liked my version better. "Lit muffin, rude Esmé"...
I dreamed God was naked, selling cigarettes in a nightclub...
CAUTION: MONOTHEISTIC FALL
I'm at a vaudeville for gods. Cthulhu the squid-god nearly tramples me--and then gets horny...
CAUTION: GROSS GOD, GROSS GOO
I walk into a Castro fashion shop with Dalí décor--golden underwear draped on branches. And my friends all buy it...
CAUTION: UNDERWEAR JOKES
I'm in Venice. The police chief (armored) and Goldie Hawn (near-naked)
ride a skittish monster. Turns out bareback works better...
CAUTION: MILD NUDITY
The old cartoon character Gordo has another girlfriend. But his pets say he only loves the hunt, not her...
Green Day singer Billie Joe hocked a lugie on me in concert. I felt blessed...
CAUTION: EWWW
Two sisters want to lick me all over, but they lick everything; weird gut-fauna make them immune to toxins...
Fairy eggs infest my home--become worms, then tiny horses, then mothwinged hobbits, then adult fairies....
CAUTION: NUDE EQUINES & FAE; PARASITES (OR SYMBIOTES?)
In Europe, I enter a cave-shrine. Rock walls with... breasts! I suck one. It gives milk. A plaque says...
CAUTION: WEIRD
James Hillman is the first psychologist on the moon! He sees a shadow and
panics like a groundhog--mistakes it for Death. Not his own shadow, but MINE...
I fall for a girl whose charm turns out to be partly her utter lack of worry and guilt--as she lies & cheats!
At last I face facts, and drop her. I end up with a quieter but honest girlfriend, though she too has quirks...
CAUTION: PUBLIC SEX, POLITICAL INTERPRETATION
I want to meet my friends' spiritual teacher, but he cowers, runs from me in horror.
I chase him yelling "BOO!" Why am I acting as his nightmare? I don't know...
My friend Dawn drags me to a cultish workshop. But I fall asleep! Or is
that bad? The Financial Guru awards me $1250 for spiritual napping...
CAUTION: RIDICULOUS UNTIL...
The Feds order my friend Mike to hand them a Frenchman we haven't seen in years. Mike substitutes a junk VW...
DREAM: I'm in the Arctic facing a hostile mob. I insist "I'm dreaming; you can't hurt me." They try!
I look down at my body, stuck full of hatchets, and say "See?" They slink off, looking sheepish...
TWO DAYS LATER: I'm in northern England. A reporter snaps "Dreams won't help the miners..."
I grew extra penises which bud off me like fruit. So I fry them up like sausages, and...
CAUTION: GENITALIA FOR LUNCH
My best friend is a cat. Problem is, I'm a rare hawk--a Cat-Eater. I never, ever would, but...
A con artist fools me and a waiter. But if my dreamfolk are all me, who's fooling whom?
The foremost wizard of Shakespeare's age dreams he's dead. They're burning his books, but that doesn't bother him...
I toured the factory where they make the spare heads you put on and
take off to change your mind. Nothing creepy about it, nothing at all...
A CIA man trying to infiltrate a revolutionary group flunks a lie-detector test, so the Headshrinker...
CAUTION: REAL HEADSHRINKER
Two teens crack a bank with a homemade rocket--but forgot a crowbar! Caught, but
the bank can't press charges; the kids have proof the bank uses slave labor...
CAUTION: DISSES CAPITALISM
Hell Chess isn't just black and white. Living women, from weak pawns to transcendent rainbow queens...
Coming Causes Amnesia: reincarnation, 69, and plate tectonics all fuse in lava-hot orgasm...
CAUTION: ORAL SEX IN DREAM TWO
I'm gloomy about the state of the world, but my alter ego cheerfully explains we're dead and in
Hell--as a demon train rolls up with Elvis Costello on the roof singing "This is Hell I suppose"...
Who built the tornado in the Heartland, that sucks anyone who opens their spirit-wings down to Hell?
CAUTION: BAD THEOLOGY, WORSE PHYSICS
I'm an organic almond grower who's solved the Luminous Snail problem. But my neighbor has an agenda...
The helicopter over our family home dipped too low. CRASH! Burning rotors in the living room.
I call 9-1-1, but the pilot scolds me! "Calling over a little explosion like this!"...
I'm a holy man sneaking into a sewerpipe at the beach, to pop anxiety pills in shame. Do they even work?
CAUTION: CHEMICAL CRUTCHES
My little brother catches and rides a fairy goose down steep mountain slopes, demanding it grant his wishes...
I paddle through the grim streets of Karachi on my belly, on a skateboard,
with my flipper-hands, until at last I reach the border to a Higher Realm...
I'm stuck on a jet full of cartoons. We get hijacked by a kid who just wants
pilot practice, and then a talking cactus counter-hijacks us...
CAUTION: THE F-WORD
Hillary Clinton hid her cancer, but the GOP found out. So a monster kidnaps Rainbow Brite, and...
Hillary Clinton was trying to seduce me, and doing a pretty good job, too...
It started like a nightmare--someone behind me, a groping hand that's not human...
It was a Hindu god! He made love to me. Felt great until he said: "You're taking too long!"...
CAUTION: SEX WITH A SELFISH DEITY
A book claims Hitler led not a political party but a cult out to apply mystical theories--like Manson! Then I dream...
CAUTION: BIG RANT, SMALL DREAM
I'm a hockey player. A woman strips to a bikini, wondering if she's attractive. My erection says she is...
CAUTION: BRRR!
The gameshow has two old men humping sextoys on the floor as the audience
watched. That wasn't the gross bit. It was when they released the hogs...
CAUTION: OBSCENE GAMESHOW. EVEN MORE THAN USUAL.
She dreamed she'd written a wise and beautiful poem. Half asleep she scribbled it down. Awake, she found...
CAUTION: HOGGEREL
A smiling beauty queen on a float gives birth to a monkey with blinders, then re-absorbs the baby, then...
CAUTION: NUDITY AND ODDITY
Three friends in one bed dream three dreams in one night about a talking rabbit with a persistent request...
Diplomacy's failed. To stop the impending Iranian War single-handed,
I hop like a monster flea across Iran to corner the New Shah...
A student of Elsie Sechrist reports a dream in which Bob Hope came jumping
down the street on a pogo stick, expressing the dreamer's feeling that...
I'm back in the 19th century, learning that horse breeders cross-bred
more than the public thinks. One suggests I look hard in the mirror...
CAUTION: UNSEEMLY SENATORIAL DISCOURSE
In a club, a new genderbending band. One singer gets me hot, but completely confused--for good reason...
CAUTION: SEXUAL SITUATIONS, GENDERBENDING
I dream I'm taking a hot shower, then realize our water heater died; this is a dream. "It means I want hot water!" I
blurt (in the dream) & wake. Next day, a plumber's error gets me drenched in hot water with no new heater...
A telepathic unicorn-lion says my true name is Wayan. And my true species? I'm like him!
I wake, change my name to fit the dream, move to a new city. Near my new house,
my dream-name is scratched into the concrete sidewalk...
We're hiking in the Sangre de Cristos when a girl offers to show us how to be a wolf. We're
eager--until she turns wolf, bites us and leaps off a cliff! Furious, we stupidly follow her over...
CAUTION: NUDE FLYING WOLVES
I wanted to be human, but Mom said "You'll always be just a lousy caterpillar." So I slipped inside
a human girl. After some arguments with her boyfriend, I got born as a human-faced butterfly...
CAUTION: UNDERAGE SEX AND MOM
I'm my friend Dawn, at a convention for my job. But I get insulted. I walk
out. Lost in endless parking lots, by a dumpster, I make a bizarre wish...
CAUTION: APPARENT TELEPATHY
I learn my book A Void, supposedly written without the letter E, has lots of them--
crawling with errors. But at least I can spy on the neighbors...
After the revolution, I rule. But I get out of touch. So I throw a party and invite me, myself and I...
Two embarrassing dreams the same night: I learn why I don't have cancer and can't buy giant panties...
CAUTION: STUPID
a writer's dream comically summing up her own fantasy series.
My characters are all dancing together. Roach is flanked by friends--but they turn into elves.
As dragons, elves, tengu & robot mice join in, Roach slowly freaks...
I'm chased by spaghetti, snared, sprinkled with parmesan.
My hungry classmates loom, and my best friend says...
I’m at a lecture on Art, Beauty and the Nude, but no one paid the model and he wants a drink...
My family calls me a blonde bimbo and won't give me my inheritance, so I take drastic steps...
CAUTION: MORAL HAIRSPLITTING
I was an elephant trainer longing to be a star--to win the girl on the flying trapeze. Who's probably straight...
CAUTION: FLIRTING LESBIANS, OR POSSIBLY ELEPHANTS, OR MAYBE LIBRARIANS
Psychodrama seemed like a way to meet cool people. But when I dreamed they were ice-skating rioters...
In a flooded room, an indignant iguana scolds me, while
my wife Marnie checks her computer implant for water damage...
A cranky nun wants fish. Ilarya, the monastery's cook, sets out to buy one--a long walk, and unsafe after dark.
So Ilarya asks the sun to halt! She buys her fish, cooks, feeds her patient, and forgets to tell it to set...
CAUTION: PETTY, GOOFY, COMMUNITY-BAFFLING MIRACLE
I'm the director of an airport. A mysterious Mongolian traveler lands. Let him in
or not? I try to avoid the decision by lying--say "I'm not the director!"...
I live on Io. It's nicer than its photos. At least inside, where the oceans are--where I grow a second head...
Yes, dreamwork can be heavy, but remember all you can do in dreams...
My friend put an ad on her gown, so I try one on our house. I have big ideas for more, but a pickpocket...
I dreamt I met my friend Karen, looking like she did years ago... except she was
towing around a son about seven years old! And she'd been childless. I called her, and...
I'm the first tuna to get a scholarship to Stanford.
Naturally I sign up for a course in Inuit Meditation...
Bearded professors call through an iron-barred window shaped like
a woman's torso, hoping to lure a nude model to fill it so they can grope...
CAUTION: CREEPY
I'm so sick of irony I decide to get my sense of irony surgically removed and replace it with...
CAUTION: PLAYING WITH FIRE
On TV, the first Jungian anima to leave the unconscious is granting an interview. But the questions are...
Cilda Spitzer and Hillary Clinton sentence America's bimbos to a shitty fate. But what of their cheating husbands?
An Arabian prince kidnaps my girlfriend and me. We eventually escape his flying palace, but she gets trapped in
Victorian underwear, while I escape feuding politicians by turning myself into a truck tire. NOT a smart move...
CAUTION: BOGUS VICTORIAN SEX-EUPHEMISMS