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DREAM CLARITY
or
The Field of Psychotherapy

Dreamed 1996/11/27 by Chris Wayan

An apple as I'd see it in dreams, crisply, then the same apple as I'd visualize it awake: blurrily.


I'm in the field of psychotherapy, pacing up and down between the rows of crops. I'm not sure what therapy grows--it was low and gray-green. The field of therapy grows vegetables, I guess.

I was afraid of that.

My therapist Shelley is here of course. She says "Walk around the field visualizing yourself as different characters, in different postures, even crawling, rolling..." I worry a little about harming the crops, but go ahead. Is this the true origin of crop circles? Therapy patients rolling around in the fields?

Figures.

I try the exercise. My voice changes to match the characters, I feel different. It's working! I roll around the field of psychotherapy, being various personas...

Then we're discussing the clarity of the waking world versus the elusiveness of dreams. It's a concept I only know theoretically, since it's not that way for me at all. Shelley's a bit skeptical. "Your dreams do sound unusually clear, but you're a math and language prodigy while awake. Your dreams are probably still fuzzier than your waking state."

I say "Look, I'm not just SAYING my waking mind is more limited than my dreaming mind, I've TESTED it in dreams. I can't visualize an apple worth SHIT when I'm awake, it's just this red-green blur thru some kind of foggy glass. The model's there, my mind constructs it, but I can't access the simulation properly. But in dreams or the hypnogogic state, I can visualize in detailed 3D animation. Rescale it, rotate it, repaint it--the works. I can even use visualization to test if I'm dreaming or not: if my mind is CLEARER than when I'm awake, I know I have to be dreaming! I can trigger lucid dreams using that test--it works!

"Maybe EVERYone else in the world is clearer awake, but so what? I'm not. My dream consciousness has its weak points, but it just isn't this weird childlike thing all you people describe."

I couldn't have said it better myself...

Oh, wait, I just did.

And then I wake. All that analysis was dreaming too.



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