Psychology and Therapy
RELATED TOPICS: dreams of madness - mania - grief and depression - abuse and healing from it - multiple personality disorder - autism - addiction and 12-step groups - hormones and neurochemistry - loners - outcasts - memory and amnesia - dream research - Freud - Jung - parapsychology - diagnostic dreams - dream-prescriptions - weird dream diseases - weird dream surgery - See also the full INDEX OF SUBJECTS.
What this site is - Add your dreams! - How to read blurbs - Ratings - Copyright - Downloading - The World Dream Bank has 2300 dreams plus 1000 more pages on dreamwork, shamanism, surrealism, fantasy, worldbuilding, creativity and genius. Site © Chris Wayan 2001-2013.
|ALICE MILLER MONSTER MESSAGES: by Wayan; 1998-9, digital improv-portrait of inner selves.
Writer Alice Miller tried painting her childhood monsters. I tried it her way and got a surprise message...
|THE ANTI-SABOTEUR: by Wayan; 2013/7/19, a diagnostic dreamlet
This giant life-coach says my friends and I aren't self-sabotaging as we suspected. Just lack tools and opportunities. And we're aiming high...
|THE BIKE KNIGHTS: by Wayan; 1992/7/6, a cautionary Jungian dreamtale.
Two unarmed sisters defeated a dragon who's now slaying an army of knights on bikes. What changed?
|BLONDIE AND CRAZY: by Wayan; 1984/12/25, a bloody warning dream
Quiet Blondie seemed sane enough, especially compared to her driven, talkative friend Crazy, until...
CAUTION: NUDITY, A LITTLE BLOOD
|BLOW 'EM UP!' and POKER FACES: by Wayan; 1992/7/2; two dreams on denial and sabotage.
Would the Revolutionaries in the Basement really blow up the Committee of Idealists upstairs?
CAUTION: MAD BOMBERS, OR AT LEAST GRUMPY ONES
|BLUE LIPS, GOLD EYES, ORANGE JUICE: by Wayan; 1997/5/8, a dreamfable.
In a world where respectable men wear masks, an old, old man rebels in the crudest way he can...
|THE BOARD OF KIBITZERS: by Wayan; 1993/10/18, a pseudo-psychic dream about dreams.
My therapist changes into a good ol' boy, but I can handle that. It's the Board of Kibitzers behind him...
|BRANDY'S CURSE: by Wayan; 1996/10/23, a bizarre dream (even for me).
After I saw the film "Surviving Picasso", I dream a friend asks me to remove a strange curse...
|THE BROADS: by Wayan; 1978/11/19, a dream on lowlife potential.
Everyone wears a big cowboy beltbuckle. Twist it and your bodymass re-distributes! But mine...
CAUTION: CRASS AND CRUDE
|CHART THE GROWTH: by Brenda Ferrimani; 2004, painting of an incubated, oracular dream
I asked my dreams "What's my truest purpose?" I dreamed my body was a tree, and a voice said "Chart the growth"...
|CHEAPSHIP!: by Wayan; 1996/8/6, a nightmare on my own stinginess.
I'm a crewman on a ship that's falling apart, and I do mean that literally...
|THE CONCHES: by Wayan; 1996/5/23, a dream on how dreams view the waking mind.
A visit to the Conches, a strange race of molluscs who are people only seasonally...
|THE CORE ISSUE: by Wayan; 1992/6/25, a dream from multiple viewpoints
The tale of a gray heart trying to heal leads to unicorn-hostage drama in the Transamerica Pyramid...
CAUTION: SEX, MAFIA THREATS, VIOLENCE
|COYOTE PAJAMAS: by Wayan; 1983/12/17, a Dantesque dream-epic.
I'm Coyote, keeping the Business Prophet from taking over Dante's Peak. But it turns too personal...
CAUTION: IDIOTIC VIOLENCE
|CURSING ISABELLA: by Wayan; 1992/8/19, a thoughtful dream of sorcery.
How I cursed Isabella the sofa sorceress, cursed her with a blueberry. And why that stinks...
CAUTION: UNDER THE MAGIC, IDEAS
|CUT-RATE TREATMENT: by Wayan; 1993/8/10, a tale half-dreamed, half-lived.
That day, I met a wildly neurotic therapist; that night, I met a woman forced to get discount ob/gyn exams from her stingy husband's doctor buddy... can you say "boundary violation?"
CAUTION: SEXUAL HUMILIATION
|THE CYBEDS: by Wayan; 1995/3/29, a dream on lucid dreaming?
The new smart beds stimulate your dreams--but how to program them? We can't even manage VCRs...
|DIAGNOSTIC BATTERY: by Wayan; 1988/4/20, a nightmare of sorts.
My sister's new guru tests me psychologically--only it looks like an engineer's test to destruction...
CAUTION: EMOTIONAL CRUELTY
|DREAM CLARITY, or, the Field of Psychotherapy: by Wayan; 1996/11/27, a dream on dreams
While we're making crop-circles in the field of psychotherapy, my hypnotist and I start to argue...
|THE DREAM POLICE: by Wayan; 1994/4/6, a dream on persecution.
The police confiscate my therapist's copies of my dreams, and try me for obscenity! So why do I help?...
|THE DREAMSUIT: by Wayan; 1992/7/12, a dream on unconscious programming.
An experimental helmet knocks me out. I'm groggy, miserable, till I learn what it did to others...
|DREAM ON DREAMS: by Wayan; 1994/5/31, a dream in a dream in a dream.
I'm the composer Schumann, till a nightmare jumps me and I wake. And wake. And wake...
|THE DREGS EFFECT: by Wayan; 1997/11/19, a waking insight on artists in therapy
Artists have their own strange culture, and we can unintentionally mislead therapists unfamiliar with us...
|THE EDUCATION OF A DREAM: by Wayan; 1998/7/7, a dream on dreams.
A young, naive, ethereal dream gets an Animus to guide her through the crazy material plane...
CAUTION: GRATUITOUS WILLIAM SHATNER
|THE EFFECTS OF PSYCHIC INVASION: by Wayan; 1999/4/17, a dreamtale on ESP.
What are the psychological effects of growing up psychic, as others' thoughts and feelings invade you? When other's BODIES invade yours, it's molestation...
|EXPLORATION OF TAROT IMAGES IN A DREAM: by Roswila, 1998; an analytical numerate dream
Tarot cards fuse and meanings layer, to warn me I've similarly (con)fused real and trance-induced memories during therapy...
CAUTION: ABUSE ISSUES
|FALSE ALARM: by Wayan; 1996/5/23, a nightmare I lived as a kid.
In school, I'm seen as a freak--lied to, set up for little pranks. Not just by my classmates--my teachers...
|FEVER DREAMS: by Wayan; 1993/9/8, a set of wild feverdreams.
While my body expels a kidney stone, weird scenes happen on the astral plane. At least I get to dip the pope.
CAUTION: PAIN, PEE, POPE
|FLEEING KAMPUCHEA: by Laura Lawrence; early 1990s?; recurring nightmares to heal a future patient
My Cambodian village was burned, my family murdered. At 12, I was the oldest survivor; I led a band of kids toward the border...
|FLOYD FREUD: by Wayan; 1983/4/18, a short dream of longevity.
After trying "the Interpretation of Dreams," I meet Floyd Freud, who's attracted to the neo-Nazis...
CAUTION: INSULTS THE MEMORY OF A GREAT GUY
|FREUD'S FOUR POINTS: by Wayan; 2008/11/11; a dream critiquing four of Freud's dream-theories!
Freud and I argue dream-theory while we're stuck in an elevator that projects dream-examples on the walls...
|FUTURIANS: by Wayan; 1997/11/11, a dream on innocence.
A time-loop introduces me to a future self full of innocent enthusiasm. Maddening!
|GENDER-SKEW IN DREAMS: by Wayan; 1998/2/2, a brief essay on dream-differences
In older studies at least, women dream of both sexes but men dream largely of men. Just like TV, huh?
CAUTION: YOU'LL NEVER WATCH TV AGAIN
|GERRYMANDERING DESIRE: by Wayan; 1994/1/20, a modest sexual orientation proposal
The two commonest sexual orientations have no names, or even concepts! Yet they're obvious, once...
CAUTION: THE TRUTH THAT DARE NOT BE TOLD
|THE GIRL IS ARMED: by Wayan; 2009/1/28, three diagnostic/advisory dreams.
An abused girl survives grotesque situations to become a job/health counselor with a talking sofa...
CAUTION: BUTT-SNIFFING GIANT
|GLASS EATER: by Wayan; 1982/12/10, a dream on managing ESP.
I live in an asylum for fragile psychics. When one man over-uses his talent, he compulsively eats glass...
CAUTION: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
|FROM GLIDING TO FLIGHT: by Wayan; 1993/11/15, a gradualistic dream.
Hypnotherapy is hopeless with these blind architects flopping all over the cafe, but my flying has improved...
|GROUNDHOG DAY: by Wayan; 1994/9/2, a dream-comic (or text with pix)
James Hillman is the first psychologist on the moon! He sees a shadow and panics like a groundhog. Not his shadow, but MINE...
|THE HACKER: by Wayan; 1993/11/23, a psychic nightmare.
Who's the demon? Mom, the Dragon, the Smiler, the Rubber Ax Murderer, the Doll Princess or the Tiger?...
|HALF SHAMAN, HALF STATESMAN: by Wayan; 1986/4/21, a parallel-world dream: Chapter 6 of UNICORN TAG
I get a scholarship to Shaman U. Some of my classmates are Terran, but I still don't fit in, because...
|HAWKING COUNTRY: by Wayan; 1994/2/3, a quantum-level dream.
I read Stephen Hawking, and dream I'm in the Quantum Desert, full of bridges, holes, and loops--like the microstructure of spacetime. But it's not alien at all--it's HOME!
|HEADING FOR A FALL: by Wayan; 1993/11/2, a dream of drastic shortcuts.
I crash my car on the way to therapy. I ask my dream why. And it tells me! Deliberate, but not suicidal...
|HELP, NOT CURE: by Wayan; 1996/12/26, a dream on autism.
Gay angels try to help an autistic woman. Change her past? Only if they pass the Ass-Backward Guardians!
|HER OWN WEAPON: by Wayan; 1983/8/31, a poltergeist-therapy dream.
A woman says she's being stalked, but it's her own poltergeist! Her therapist makes her reach for it...
|HERMIT IN THE PIPE: by Wayan; 1999/5/2, a dream of the end.
I'm a holy man sneaking into a sewerpipe at the beach, to pop anxiety pills in shame. Do they even work?
CAUTION: CHEMICAL CRUTCHES
|HITLER'S ROOST: by Wayan; 1983/2/14, a grim dream-poem, probably about a serial molester
I built a Bavarian treehouse with a great view, hoping Hitler will steal it. Yes! Now he's exposed to Allied spy planes--and assassination...
CAUTION: CHILD-MOLESTING THERAPIST
|HONESTY THE WITCH: by Wayan; 1972/6/1, a flying dream.
A witch advocates honesty, but kids mock her; one boy tries to rape her. We fight mid-air, riding her broom...
CAUTION: RAPE ATTEMPT
|ICERINK: by Wayan; 1980/8/23, a warning dream.
Psychodrama seemed like a way to meet cool people. But when I dreamed they were ice-skating rioters...
|ILLUSIONISTS DON'T RULE: by Wayan; 1996/8/26, a dream on the strength of logic.
I read 'The Closing of the American Mind," and dream I'm a pilot who suspects an illusionist in my plane...
|I'M ALL EARS, DR. ESTES: by Wayan; 1995/6/7, not a dream, a portrait of a radio-trance.
Clarisa Pinkola Estes (who runs with the wolves) was on the radio, and this popped out of my mouse...
|IN THE STAR; 1988/9/12 by Wayan; an epic, out-of-body, intrastellar quest-dream
I tour the heart of a red supergiant, where dreaming souls explore their heart's desires unconstrained by matter...
CAUTION: SWEDENBORGIAN VISION, UNICORN NUDITY
|AN INTERVIEW WITH WAYAN: by Wayan; 1994/3/20, an interview.
Dream researcher Stephanie Van Zandt Nelson questions me on the roots of the art of dreaming...
|THE IRRATIONALITY OF DREAMS: by Wayan; 1989/12/31, a New Year's dream.
On TV, the first Jungian anima to leave the unconscious is granting an interview. But the questions are...
|JACK DANIELS: by Wayan; 1983/10/14, three short dreamtales.
Three dream-reactions to a (real) psychic experiment that went badly awry...
|JENNIFER MONTGOMERY: by Wayan; 1995/4/24, a journal extract
Her film about her teenage affair with a pedophile is troubling enough before the FBI steps in to blackmail her...
CAUTION: MOLESTATION/ABUSE ISSUES
|JOIN THE HUMAN RACE: by Wayan; 1985/2/11, a Gordian dream.
My shortcut in a marathon bogs down in a maze full of psychoanalysts! So I climb the walls and...
|THE KEYRING OF ATTACHMENTS: by Wayan; 1974/5/31, a dream gone too far.
Swayed by sinister surgeons, I go all Buddhist and give up my attachments, including various organs...
CAUTION: DIVESTABLE GENITALIA
|A KRELKIN SMEARED: by Wayan; 1996/9/23; a dream of bold intervention .
I'm a slender, clever krelkin. I draw me, but then red rage erupts and I trash myself... can I be saved?
|LACED WITH TERROR: by Wayan; 1999/5/3, an anti-nightmare.
Researchers show me weird little objects like shoelaces that drive people mad with fear...
|LAING: by R.D. Laing; 1983/2/18, two excerpts from a talk on transpersonal dreams.
R.D. Laing gives two examples of dream-spillage suggesting itís not passive but playful...
|THE LAST LUNAR STORM: by Wayan; 1999/8/27, a dream of a future squared.
Lunar terraforming lags behind Mars; a global ice storm hits, like the bad old days. But the future...
|THE LIMIT OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE: by Wayan; 1974/3/13, a dream of madness.
Deep in the caves, a Voice announces I've gone as far as the human mind can stand. But ahead, I see...
|LOSE YOUR TEMPER!: by Emily Joy; 2007/8/30, a tough-love dream.
My mom hires a therapist who really goes for my throat! Why is she so desperate to make me lose my...
CAUTION: OVER-THE-TOP CONFRONTATION
|LOVE IS REAL, REAL IS LOVE, BUT...: by Wayan; 1993/5/30, a musical mystery dream.
Singing a Lennon love song on a planet of giant women provokes first wonder, then disbelief. Why?
|LUCID LIVING: by Wayan; 125K, 2007/4/8, a quasi-lucid dream of the future, with 6 illustrations
Honesty induces a joyful state with lucidlike powers. So I bike across the Lake of Time, open the book of my future, and see...
CAUTION: SEXY SKETCHES FROM THE FUTURE
|LURK: by Wayan; digital collage of a year's dreaming, 1995.
There's power in dark memories--creatures of the deep strata. But the flowers of now are just as real...
|MATILDA, or, HITLER'S GIRLFRIEND MULTIPLIES: by Wayan; 1998/10/1, a dream of math and courage.
I'm Hitler's girlfriend. Not Eva Braun, just me--gentle, weak, thrown in among killers. What can I do?
|MEMORY SNIP!: by Wayan; 1999/5/15, a dream on the cost of kindness.
My friend Mark does something I thought impossible: removes a snippet of my memory. Disastrous!
CAUTION: VIOLENCE... SORT OF
|MOM POPS: by Wayan; dreamed 1983/8/5, a dream of what happens when you defy your inner pessimist
The flood sickens my fuchsia bush. My mom says my fuchsia is hopeless, but I make up a treatment. When it works, well... read the title.
CAUTION: PUNS, EXPLODING MOM
|MOM THE MURDERER: by Wayan; 1996/3/7, a possible psychic dream.
My mom confesses to a killing, says tearfully she had to do it--but her reasons make no sense. When I wake..
|MOOD ELEVATOR: by Wayan; dreamed 1982/5/12, a surreal/comic dream-poem warning of one side effect of happy pills
Dinner with the Lightbulb Heads. When we leave, the Mood Elevators welcome us, but won't let us out! And in the struggle to escape, heads will roll--and shatter...
CAUTION: HARSH WORDS ON WESTERN MEDICINE
|MY CUBIST CONSCIENCE: by Wayan; 1982/8/5; a dream warning of overharsh ethics.
I dreamed I was trapped in the maze of my pacifist vegetarian feminist anarchist eco-conscience...
|NIXON NOSE: by Wayan; 1997/12/10, a short psychic dream.
A dream girl with a giant ski-jump nose turns out to be more literal than she seemed...
|NO FINGERS: by Wayan; 1993/10/6, an indirectly predictive dream.
My therapist has no fingers. A fingerless man intrudes on my session, and they use up my hour talking...
|ONCE A HERO: by Wayan; 185K total, 9 images, 1998/10/22, a raw dream-series.
Sexy dreams of Chinese archeology, authorized by the fairies, make me face that my family abused me...
|OPHIDIOPHOBIA: by Wayan; 1986/2/12, a dream on race and religion.
I'm a therapist with a client diagnosed paranoid--are his doctors racist? He's not just black, but scaly...
|PARANOID HABITS: by Wayan; 1994/10/4, a diagnostic dream.
I dream a hypnotist elicits a personality who says he obliges my paranoia by giving me weird luck...
|PASTLIFE MIDDEN: by Wayan; 1998/12/28, a past-life dream.
I bike deep into Time Hall, barging through security gates of amnesia, to climb the midden of the past...
|PESCADERO MONET: by Wayan; 1983/11/4, a happy art-cult dream.
Monet is over 100 now, living in an art colony. I visit him, but my parents come along. Bad idea...
|PISSING MEMORIES: by Wayan; 1999/5/20, a dreamtale on non-sabotage.
I desperately need to pee, but my bladder's full of two kinds of emotional trauma, and each blocks the other!
CAUTION: BATHROOM PSYCHOLOGY
|PONYGIRL'S DIET: by Wayan; 2010/3/31, a furry health-advice dream
I dream of a half-pony half-human girl who can't eat either hamburgers or hay. She figures out an appropriate diet...
|PSYCHO-EGG: by Wayan; 1994/8/31, a diagnostic dreamtale.
I'm shown a crystal egg with a model of my mind in it. The mapping is unmistakable. How embarrassing!:
|HIS RACIST SON: by Wayan; 1994/1/8, an incubated dream offering two diagnoses
Suddenly I hate and fear black kids in school! The counselor says I'm clinically paranoid: I need drugs! My dad says "How strange, how sad." And goes home to light a candle at his shrine to the Confederacy...
CAUTION: INDUCED RACISM
|RICH KILLER: by Wayan; 1994/2/1, a dream on abuse and rage.
A rich serial killer in a sports car flaunts his virtual immunity, till I go after him in a light plane...
|SELF-MADE GIRLS: by Wayan; 2000/2/15, a public dream.
Two souls coalesce from bars of light into human beings by the power of words. Words like stupid, ugly...
|SEX THERAPY: by Wayan; 1998/5/18, a dream on the messiness of healing.
Both of us were abused as kids. Sex is hard. So we go to a therapist who has us act out sex on the floor...
CAUTION: SEX, ABUSE ISSUES
|SHADOWS ADMIRABLE: by Wayan; 1993/9/28, a dream on dreams.
A dream-lecturer says Shadows aren't just what we hate or fear, but what we admire yet see as "not us"...
|SHOCKWAVE: by Wayan; 1996/7/27, a predictive nightmare.
My childhood home explodes into a vast pyroclastic cloud that comes boiling toward me, miles away...
|SKY AND PRESTER JOHN: by Wayan; 2009/9/30, two short dream poems with sketches; Dreamverse #57
My neurotic sister and I both lust for a girl named Sky; then I flee a gang of popes and lamas and mullahs...
|SOCK PUPPETS OF THE GODS: by Dee and Wayan; 100K, 1994/4/14. Parallel shamanic dreams!.
A dance classmate asks a bizarre question that haunts me. That night I dream I'm suicidal--nearly kill myself. Then I'm shown the flow of human development--the same pattern, from souls to civilizations! Eddies and knots recur, but each time, the challenges get more spiritual. I wake up stunned. Then I learn what a shaman I know just dreamed--and now I'm unsure whose dream this is.
|SPLIT SEVEN WAYS: by Wayan; 1992, a digital self-portrait.
I feel split into warring impulses who argue, advise, ignore, and snipe at each other...
|STAY GROUNDED!: by Wayan; 1988/2/27, an unexpectedly grounded dream.
I'm playing poker with a dragon. But we barely dare move: we're both crackling with thousands of volts...
|STICK IT BACK ON: by Wayan; 1980/7/15, a scattered dream still hiding a point.
The tollman on the new bridge to the Land of the Dead revives a beheaded woman by RANDOM action...
|STUCK SNAKE: by Wayan; 2011/9/8; a set of dreams that out-Freud Freud
Girls flash and strip and crawl into bed with me, but I'm blind to their agenda--till I become a snakeboy and discover the real limitations of phallic symbolism...
CAUTION: NUDITY, STUPIDITY
|THE TAPED WOUND: by Wayan; 1997/10/7, a dream on old tapes...
My wound's taped up, but hurts bad. I peel off the bandage... nothing! Gone. So I check my other body...
|TEN THOUSAND MAD GHOSTS: by Wayan; 1996/9/3, a psychic nightmare.
A toxic site in Silicon Valley isn't a chemical spill, but angry ghosts, killed in a camp and forgotten...
CAUTION: THE CAMP TURNS OUT TO BE REAL
|THERAPHOBIA, OR GOOD SENSE?: by Wayan; 1994/5/30, a journal extract
I misname my feelings: depressed for sad, paranoid for wary, phobic for scared. It has consequences...
|THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME: by Wayan; 550K total, 15 illus., 1989/10/4, an unbelievable dream.
My dog and I are abducted by aliens who turn us into cats. We escape, and turn feral to survive. I'm back in school now, and in therapy... but how we got back, and what happened along the way, even my own shrink won't believe...
CAUTION: LEWD SQUID AND KLEPTOMANIAC BUGS
|TIGER TALL: by Wayan; 1992/7/3, a marathon dream.
I'm a tiger from Planet Cat, visiting Earth to run in San Francisco's "Bay to Breakers" race. I knew racial tensions were high, but why is William S. Burroughs out to kill me? Oh. Because...
|TRICERATOPS, or, THE GUY WHO SCRIPTS MY DREAMS:by Wayan, 1982/8/24; a dream about dreaming!
Dropped into a horror movie, I get to meet the triceratops-headed monster who scripts all my nightmares. But I might have more control than I think...
|TRISKELION; 2011/6/21 by Wayan; a repeated false-waking dream of dating advice
I wake up in a weird sexual situation. But I'm still dreaming--I wake again to find I'm in a weirder sexual situation. But I'm still...
CAUTION: NUDITY, SEX, (ANTI?)ROMANTICISM
|TWO-FACED LAPIS AND THE MOTHER: by Jenny Badger Sultan, 1992/7/6, a distractable therapy dream
I'm shown a mysterious carving; I shush loud people disturbing my therapy; I'm told of a documentary on the archetypal mother...
|UNDO THE PARALYSIS: by Wayan; 1985/7/14, a dream on persistence.
In a future society, I'm deliberately, permanently paralyzed. Yet my home-grown treatment has an effect...
|THE VACUUM CLEANER QUARTET: by Wayan; 1981, four bizarre poems.
All I know about humans, I learned in psychodrama. I gawked as caterpillars grew wings. Except me...
|VOW, CHOP, DOOR: by Wayan; 1997/1/26, a psychic dreamtale.
I make a weird vow--while I absent-mindedly slice up other people's cars! The next day...
CAUTION: DREAM VANDALISM
|WARIA: by Wayan; 640 x 450, 1989, digital image based on a 1987/3/23 dream.
My life was a sex disaster. I made myself ugly and sick. But then one night I dreamed I found a healer...
|'WE'RE ALL HUMAN': by Wayan; 1987/3/13, a dream trial.
For flirting in the astral cafeteria, we all get sentenced to group therapy--till I catch the lie in my life...
|WHO'LL BE MY LOVE?: by Wayan; 1986/4/14, a dream noir farce; part 4 of UNICORN TAG.
I'm a hardboiled detective wincing as I grill a meek little psychic (who might just be me) about embarrassing subjects like unicorns, and love...
CAUTION: A UNICORN WHO MAKES EVEN THE COPS BLUSH
|WIRES: by Wayan; 1957-1963, a recurrent childhood nightmare resolved by drawing, Dec 1999
I was bodiless but trapped. All I could see were these moving wires. Whenever a knot drifted by...
CAUTION: MADNESS, TORMENT, TELEPATHY, SEXUAL REBELLION
|WOMBERS: by Wayan; 1997/8/23, a journal entry on peace-at-any-price personalities
Nancy Friday describes a certain kind of guy disturbingly like me, and I realize chronic illness has made me...
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