Exit Through the Dungeon
1982/5/23 automatic drawing by Wayan
In 1980s California, doctors faced with illness not easily diagnosed just told you it must be "mind-body illness" or "stress". It wasn't utter nonsense; my parents had primed me to take abuse in relationships, and I had for 3 years before I broke away, sick and exhausted. I did need to unlearn that vulnerability.
So I did encounter and psychodrama at Prometheus Center in Palo Alto diligently for several years. I did this automatic drawing as a sort of oracle, to see if psychodrama was helping. The result surprised me.
The butterfly was the logo of Inner Theater in Palo Alto, so that path means psychodrama. What does it lead to? Ugly caricatures of my parents, and prison bars. I think my unconscious is warning psychodrama was just reinforcing my parental programming.
The alternative seems to be to face a group of creatures--a stoic stone child, a sensual friendly catgirl, a worried uncomfortable woman, a nature-loving horny centaur. They're straight out of recent dreams; presumably, aspects of me I was having trouble acting out--trouble living.
Beyond them is a dark dungeon with a plank bridge over an abyss where monsters lurk. But a confident scout-girl seems willing to guide me, and that dark path leads out to the sun.
I think what the drawing was telling me was to do dreamwork--difficult and dark though it seemed--instead of psychodrama, where I was getting poor feedback and not much respect--reinforcing my parent's message that I was unworthy.
So I did. And dreamwork came through.
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