I'm walking along a terrace, weaving through open-air tables. An upscale cafe, in fact a rather exclusive club. All white and mostly male, wearing suits--and (like everyone in this society) eerie masks with golden eyes and blue crystal lips. Not inscrutable--each mask expresses a strong emotion, expressing one's character and mood and status.

I feel naked without a mask.

I pause by a table where two middle-aged figures, respectably masked, are feeding an old man whose face is bare. They call him Baby, though he's likely their fading father. He objects "But I asked for ORANGE JUICE!" and they coax "But we already paid for coffee and stew! Eat up, Baby, don't waste it." And they lift the big dish to his lips and pour it in.

He smiles delightedly, doesn't fight--just takes it in till his cheeks puff out like a frog full of flies... then spews it at them, a brown, disgusting spray that spatters their crystal masks. So what if he starves? Why should he care? He's a senile, stubborn old man with a naked face.

And no mask left to lose.

• I just read Anne McCaffrey's book Dragonsong. In it, Menolly's forced to nurse her senile grandfather: feed him and shut him up at parties. Her grampa is never named, just called Old Uncle. They stifle him just as they stifle Menolly's musical genius. Old Uncle's proof the family's not singling her out--they'll stifle anyone to stay respectable-looking. Old Uncle... when I was a kid, my dad locked up my crazy uncle Hugh. I feared they'd do it to me too, if I stood out as strange. So I tried to lie low, stay respectable, and keep a mask on.
• WARNING: My social mask dismisses everything BUT fitting in--conformity at all costs! Treats all my other feelings and needs like a bratty baby. Discounted! Which, understandably, makes the rest of me furious.
• ACTION: take the dream literally, too. My body wants citrus! Eat some today. And tomorrow. Till I have happier food dreams. Symbols and feelings are fine, but sometimes an orange is an orange is an orange.

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