I'm a kid again. I live with my parents in a basement apartment. We just rented or bought this drab damp place. I don't like it. It's been raining for days, I'm trapped in this dark cellar that reeks of mildew.

It leaks too--in heavy rains, a liter or two a minute! Sprays all over the mantelpiece.

My mom finds a stack of pictures on heavy paper--cardlike but bigger. She and my dad leaf through them. I say "Aren't you going to do anything about the leak?" Its spray is dampening the pictures. It'll flood the room quite quickly... how can they ignore it?

It sprays in my father's face. He ignores it. I repeat "What about the leak?"

Finally my father hears me, turns, says "That's nothing! You wanna see a LEAK? Watch THIS!" He snatches a bottle of red wine, chugalugs it, then cocks his head sideways, wine dribbling out onto his cheek like blood...

Then he spews a huge mouthful of wine, SPRRRRRAAAAASSSSHHHTTTTT! All over the rug! Pink spots bloom across the off-white.

Wine-stains are nearly impossible to get out. Great.

I don't know if he's playing at being a disgusting drunk, or if he really is one. EIther way, I feel ashamed. It's not just that it's gross, (and he won't clean it up); but he won't fix the leak, won't deal with our problems.

He's too busy spewing whine. Oops! I meant wine.

Ohhhhh...

YEARS AFTER HIS DEATH

Wine? My dad was a moderate drinker, but a steady one--needing a glass to relax after work, maybe more with dinner. He pushed booze on us kids even in our teens, for he didn't want to be the only one drinking--wanted cover for his alcoholism. Whine? He was a steady pessimist, a child of the Great Depression who grew up poor--and wary of wealth, power, fame, and those who acquired them. That had both good and bad fallout. But fallout there was. I was no blank slate, no white rug. Spewed on from birth.

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