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Puns

Puns in dreams--visual as well as verbal. Ann Faraday pioneered the study of dream puns; she argues in "The Dream Game" that such puns aren't meant as disguises (Freud's idea), nor are they idle associations (Havelock Ellis); they often make a sharp point, one hard to make any other way. Their humor is useful: it sweetens awkward truths, to coax the reluctant conscious to look! Bad jokes often relax a skittish audience. And isn't the waking mind about as skittish as you can get?

This list also includes a related phenomenon, mondegreens: meaningful mishearings. The word is itself one; as a child, newspaper columnist Jon Carroll heard a folksong as: Lord So-and-so had died, and Lady Mondegreen. Years later he learned the line ended and laid him on the green. Examples include As a Hillsborough Child, He has Repented, and God Dressed Ye, Mare.

RELATED TOPICS: Freudian slips - dream humor - dreamwork and dream research - projections - taboos - See also the full INDEX OF SUBJECTS.

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AIRPLANE WITH BORN: by Catshall; c. 2014/11/8, a dream-haiku on American politics?
I dream of an airplane with a born-again pilot. I challenge him:
"just because you're rich doesn't mean you can run things"...
ALERTNESS GYM: by Wayan; 1994/4/19, a strange dream date.
I go on a date who seems bored till she takes me to the Alertness Gym...
ALICE'S POEM: by Lewis Carroll; 1872, a poem on dreams
Are dreams really so ephemeral? Lewis Carroll, who built the Alice books from dream-shards, wasn't so sure...
ANIMANGEL: by Wayan, 1983/10/1-2010/7/22! An ink portrait-poem of my clashing guardian angels
My loud, spiky, tailed angel of change and potential, and
my calm, skeptical devil of gradualism--a star-nosed mole...
ANTS AT A PICNIC: by Wayan; 1984/11/16, dream-poem from predictive dreamlet
DREAM: Ants invite me to a picnic. But one of the dishes they serve is--other ants!
NEXT DAY: I'm invited to a picnic. And my friend, munching, says...
CAUTION: BUG-EAT-BUG WORLD
A PEEL FOR APPROVAL: by Wayan; 1990/9/24, a cautionary dream
Ariana's a brilliant young writer, but how she plans to escape her family is alarming...
CAUTION: TEEN PREGNANCY, SKIN MAGS, HORRIBLE CAREER PLANNING
ARISTOTLE'S WIVES: by Wayan, 1984/5/20, a dueling-philosopher dream.
Aristotle keeps marrying my friends and fucking them up. So I challenge Mr. Logic to a shamanic duel...
CAUTION: THE F-WORD. OOPS, TOO LATE! LESBIAN FISH, TOO.
THE ARREST: by Georges Perec; July 1970, a dream of .... huh? Dream #16
I am arrested in Tunisia, essentially for being Jewish, despite my pro-Palestinian sympathies.
My main regret: I face years of dirty socks...
ARTICHOKE PLATE: by Katherine Metcalf Nelson; 1982 (March?); a punning dream
I realize the artichoke plate in my lap is a pun: ART! I CHOKE! I need to peel
off my thorny outer leaves of professionalism to find the heart inside...
ARTSHOW IN A DREAM: by Wayan; 1983/6/28 & 9/18, twin dreams on modern art's blindspots
Jaundiced dreams of an art show spell out just how deeply I reject the rules behind modern art...
AS A HILLSBOROUGH CHILD: by Barbara Gordon Paine; c.1960, a poem on a child's ear for idioms
As a Hillsborough child I never heard the crash of twentynine
walled streets that fell with a force that moved us away...
AWK!: by Wayan; 1988?, a trance drawing of a body state
When I met someone attractive, my head flamed, burning my body like a wax candle...
AWKWARD ENLIGHTENMENT: by Wayan; 2010/1/13; a dream of spiritual and practical advice
Anxious about a big party, I dream of being crowded. But
a cat-centaur in the crowd attains sudden enlightenment...
BACKWARD BOOB: by Wayan; 2018/6/17, a grotesque dreamlet
I pass a jogger with her upper torso twisted 180 degrees round, unable to see straight...
CAUTION: DISSES IGNORAMUSES--YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. OH WAIT, YOU DON'T.
BAKE HER PHOTO: by Wayan; 1993/10/24, a short, psychic dream.
I dream I've carried a photo with me 17 years, but now... I BAKE it. The next day, I meet...
BALLOONS: by Stan Brakhage; 1975/5/7, an epic, apocalyptic flying dream after a bad plane flight
I'm a schoolkid again, fleeing an eruption of sewage. We escape in a balloon.
Earth is beautiful, but I know this flood of shit will drown the whole world...
BATMAN'S LOVE: by Wayan; 1996/3/26, a dream-epic of love and time.
A New Age graduation party spurs a wild dream of the spiritual odyssey of Catwoman,
starring Alexander the Great, Batman, God, and Rumi the poet (played by Frank Zappa)...
CAUTION: MORAL RELATIVITY
A BEAGLE, THREE WOLVES, AND A SETTER: by Wayan; 2009/2/6, a dream-poem; Dreamverse #50
Fresh off the Beagle, Darwin meets three wolf-girls, but has distinctly Biblical inhibitions...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, SPECISM, PUNS
BEAR LADY: by Rachael Dutton, c.1981; a dream painting with four rearrangeable panels
Bear lady, bare lady,
in (or out of) a bear suit...
BEATING UNCLE FESTER, or, ACHIEVING BILUMIA: by Wayan; 2013/3/31, a stupid telepathic dream
I screw the lightbulbs in my ears again, and this time, they stay. I sit down at the piano, and as I play...
BEET: Five Dreams One Night: by Wayan; 2013/10/30, Halloween dreams as minipoems
Parasites, Rambo, huge fetus-beets, an exhibitionist and a living statue advise me on my love life...
CAUTION: NUDITY
BELL CURVE IN THE DARK: by Wayan; 1982/8/17, a dream on... the gifted?
A human pinball game played in the dark, with bells for stoppers, sorting people into a Gaussian bell-curve...
BEYOND THE BUOYS: by Wayan; 1981/2/12, a short punning dream.
I'm a fairy queen at the beach, chasing a girl who's a strong swimmer. Yep, she swims beyond the buoys...
CAUTION: BAD LESBIAN PUNS
BIDENT: by Wayan; 2019/9/29, a punning political nightmare
The Evil Librarians drop a 19th Century book-character on my head--a blue-skinned paranoid!
He tries to kill me with a trident missing one prong... a Bident? Oh, no! He's Joe B...
CAUTION: DIM VIEW OF TWO 2020 CANDIDATES
BITE THE BULLET: by Wayan; 2000/1/25, a flightmare.
We unearthed a sacred treasure, but now a mob of believers are out to lynch us! I better fly...
CAUTION: SACRILEGE AND BAD PUNS
BLIND TO THE CUES: by Wayan; 1996/10/2, a dream of blinders.
A sexy pool-playing friend in a short skirt leans over an
invisible, virtual-reality pooltable, but I'm blind to...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, TRULY CLUELESS GUY
BOAR: by Ann Faraday, 1974, a punning book-review dream
DREAM: I'm in a restaurant offering just one dish: wild boar, for $12. Excessive. I say no.
NEXT DAY: I tackle a book review I must write. The book costs $12. Excessive. Oh! It's a...
THE BOATMEN OF LAOLONG: by Viceroy Zhu, before 1679, as told by Pu Songling; an incubated dream
Traders were vanishing. Newly installed Viceroy Zhu fasted, focused, and dreamt
the gods sent him a riddling poem. Each line suggested one word--together, they...
CAUTION: BRUTAL ORGANIZED CRIME
LE BON DIEU (Around #2): by Wayan; 1998/7/21; digital portrait of dream-selves.
Soul-Poodle is torn between Le Bone Dieu and Dancing Pussy. Who will our horny dogma chase?
CAUTION: MUTT SMUT
BONES DON'T LIE: by Emily Joy; 2006/12/13, a gruesome nightmare on guilt.
I know I'm a murderer; what isn't so clear is what I killed and why...
CAUTION: DISMEMBERMENT, GUILT, DREAD
BOOKSTORE ILLUSION: by Wayan; erasable crayon of an illusion, 14x17", 1982/6/25
I was in the Stanford Bookstore and saw this strange visual pun across the room... or did I?
CAUTION: MILD NUDITY
THE BORIS BADENOV SOLUTION: by Wayan; 1989/2/10, a dream of puns.
My evil twin, Boris Badenov, wants $8000 or else. I ask my dreams for a solution, and get one...
BRIDGE, MOON, PROFESSOR, SHOES: by Dorothea Tanning; 2003? Poem of a flying dream
The moon invites me to go flying, but I get tired of magic and just want to go shopping...
BRIGHT NICHES IN THE CASTLE WALL: by Jenny Badger Sultan; summer 2003; a series of dreams.
Dreams warning of mania and paralyzing shame alternate with calm dreams of life and growth...
BRITISH TRIANGLE: by Wayan; 2019/8/18, a dream of another life.
I'm a middle-aged British writer in a triad with a sculptor and a dairy farmer
who seem happy sharing me. But it's a small town, so we must be discreet...
CAUTION: TRIAD THAT WORKS
BUGS AND ROOSEVELT: by Wayan; 1982/5/2, a wild predictive dream illustrated as an epic poem
I'm Bugs Bunny. I torment Daffy Duck till I learn that in many time-branches the New
Deal happened late... or never. I decide to prod a reluctant Franklin Delano Roosevelt...
CAUTION: FIRESIDE PETTING, DUCK TORTURE, BAD POLITICS
BURN THE EGGS: by Wayan; 2008/1/20; a magical advisory nightmare with 15 sketches.
Fighting an absolutist theocracy, my dragon-soul burns the
church's dragon-nursery. The cost is terrible: a black vortex...
CAUTION: ROMANTIC THREESOME GETS BURNED
BURN HIS TREE: by Emily Joy; 2007/2/7; two linked nightmares on art
Malevolent artwork terrorizes my baby and me! What's to be done?...
CAT AND CRAB: by Wayan; 1981/3/12, a dream about teasing?
My cat keeps going into heat and sneaking out for sex with my godmother's pet crab, and...
CAUTION: SEX, BAD PUNS, CRABBINESS
CAT REPELS DINOSAURS: by Wayan, 1984/8/12, a film-inspired surreal dream
DAY: I thorn-puncture my hands while gardening, and write stupid poetry about it...
EVE: I watch Little Darlings, a teen sex farce that turns weirdly serious...
DREAM: a Mysterious Pussy guards us librarians from stinky alien dinosaurs...
CAUTION: SEXUAL INNUENDO???
CHANGES, or, A WHISPER OF RESISTANCE: by Wayan; 1980/9/25, a dream of identity-chaos.
An identity earthquake that just wouldn't stop. I transform half a dozen times, and so does everyone else...
CHOCOLATE BALLS: by Wayan, 2022/5/10, a surreal furry dream on Covid bloat
I find I'm a self-made... critter. A plushie sewn with zippers so I can stuff any bits of me that
seem flat or limp. But my filling's not cotton, polyester or foam. It's chocolate! So I have...
CAUTION: CRUDE DREAM, AWFUL PUN
CHRISTA'S FUR: by Wayan; 2018/6/9, a smutty spiritual dream-poem riffing on Leonardo's 'Last Supper'?
In an alternate Judea, I long for a female Christ and her lesbian apostles.
My lust is unrequited, till a small Sex Kitten gives me some wise advice...
CAUTION: CAT NUDITY, BLASPHEMY
CITY OF BEES: by Wayan; 1994/8/2, a diagnostic dream-comic.
A bee-doctor in the city of Propolopolis diagnoses me as having a rare syndrome, Ambition Denied...
CLAY AND HOP: by Wayan; 2009/10/30, a dream poem with sketches; Dreamverse #63
I touch the secret soul of a cancer survivor, upsetting her. To apologize, I become a goofy hopping god...
CAUTION: FONDLING SACRED FIGURINES
CLOSE THE GATE: by Emily Joy; 2004/11/19, a dream of decision.
My foxy lover teases and tempts, but I can't let him into the patio for fear he'll hurt the rabbits…
CAUTION: UNFUNNY BUNNY PUNS
COCO CHANEL'S PUSSY: by Wayan; 2010/4/26; a film-pun-sex dream
Coco Chanel's fashion workers want me to screw Coco's cat,
so she'll stop screwing them financially...
CAUTION: SEX KITTENS
COMPLIANCE: by Wayan; 1984/12/20 & 2021/1/9, twin dreams 36 years apart showing cryptomnesia
2021: I dream I'm confessing to friends how I'm over-compliant. I wake, and start transcribing my
1984 journal. Turn the page and find a dream of a horny stallion who's disturbingly over-compliant...
CAUTION: KINKY STALLION
THE CONCHES: by Wayan; 1996/5/23, a dream on how dreams view the waking mind.
A visit to the Conches, a strange race of molluscs who are people only seasonally...
CONDOMS OR CONDIMENTS?: by Wayan, 1990/2/25, a sex-farce dreamlet with serious advice
After seeing Christina Applegate in Married with Children, I dream I'm in bed with her. For
contraception, I open a little square packet with... a condom? Or is it a fast-food packet of...
CAUTION: SEXUAL THEME
COW PUNS: by Wayan; 1983/5/14, an ethological dreamlet.
The pecking order (goring order?) of cows explains why our leaders stink...
CRESCENT CAT: by Wayan; 2011/2/17, a painting critiqued by a dream
My dream critiques a non-dream artpiece. Does it only count as dream-art
when your dream urges changes, or is creativity partly knowing when to stop?
CULT OF CAKE: by Wayan, 2022/4/16, a dream on disinformation?
I infiltrate the Cult of Cake. Novices drool over chocolate frosting
and hand over their life savings. It's a pyramid scheme! A food...
CAUTION: TRUMP REFERENCES; HIDEOUS PUN
THE CULT OF DIRTY LAUNDRY: by Wayan; 1993/10/2, a political dream
I find the feminist principle "the personal is political" leads to some alarming consequences for privacy...
CAUTION: POLITICS
CYMBALS: by SAO (Shawn Allen O'Neal); August 1997, a lucid dream on, um, cymbalism
Hundreds of dusty drawers, clearly not not touched in years. I open one
to find cymbals. Some part of me knows it's a dream and sees the pun...
DANCING BACKWARD: by Roswila; 2007/5/21, a punning dream-poem
I just watch as all the dance students practice the jive step. I think I already know that one...
DAWN'S DIVORCE: by Dawn Z; 2002/3/1-21, an outrageous dream sequence
While going through a painful breakup, I kept having sexy, lucid, psychic dreams...
DAWN'S TOILET: by Dawn Z and Wayan; 1999/1/6, two strongly parallel dreams
Wayan dreams of surprising Dawn on the toilet while she dreams that flushing away evidence of Foul Play won’t work...
DESERT EYES: by Wayan; 1984/3/4, a dream of portals.
We desert-hobbits break through to a world of jungle giants who
see differently from us. Will they believe us about the UFOs?
DEVILMENT: by Wayan, 2017/8/13, two dreams on Queen Bee syndrome, fusing Milton & Milton Friedman
A Queen Bee devil kidnaps my grandniece; I kill her to free the child. Turns out even Hell's leaders are relieved.
She returns as a satanic housing developer. Slicker this time, but just as crooked. Must I kill her again?
CAUTION: DEVILS, VIOLENCE (NONGRAPHIC)
THE DIADEM RATIO: by Wayan; 1994/8/14, an absurdist dream.
I stumble into the middle of a dream conversation--on ghosts, tiaras and pigs--
and struggle to figure out what what on earth we were already talking about...
DICTY: by Wayan; 1990/5/9, a rantish poem on high-tech distraction
A catalog of American addictions and the absurd distinctions we make between them....
CAUTION: EMBARRASSING DRUG LIST
DILL: by Wayan; 1988/9/9, a dream-poem about reverse theft
I'm a reporter. In the mall, I get my pocket picked repeatedly--
but the thieves keep slipping mysterious stuff in, not out...
CAUTION: PUN
DOG BITES CAT: by Wayan; 2015/2/17; a grating dream-poem
I get bullied into dogwalking. A biter--leaves a cat bloody. You'd think a talking dog'd listen. But Cheney...
THE DOG KING: by Wayan; 2009/9/28, a short dream poem with portrait; Dreamverse #55
Around royalty, protocol gets complex. I love the Dog King;
despite her title she's female. Does that make her a...
THE DOG PILOT PROGRAM: by Wayan; 1981/4/23, a dream of doing the impossible.
I get a job in China teaching bus-driving dogs how to fly. I don't know how. Luckily, the dogs...
DOME: by Wayan; 1999/1/31, a dream peeling off a lie.
I'm actress Nicole Kidman, clinging to the dome of City Hall like King Kong, ripping it to shreds! Why?
CAUTION: VANDALISM, REVERSE SEXISM, EXHIBITIONISM
DONNA'S FALLOUT: by Wayan, 1972/2/6, 2/26, 2/29 & 3/4: sonnets & watercolors of 4 sex dreams.
When I was 17, an older girl pushed booze at me and came on to me... in front of my parents and teachers!
For months, I had ambivalent sex dreams trying to process what Donna taught me--not all of it negative...
CAUTION: WEIRD SEX; ADULTS BEHAVE BADLY
DON'T SETTLE FOR HALF: by Wayan; 2010/1/21; an advisory dream about dreaming
Struggling to recall a magical dream, I suddenly get a single, simple image. ...
DON'T SLOW FOR KITTENS: by Wayan; 1986/3/8, a pointed little dream.
I'm running along a freeway, pacing a cheetah. But the kittens can't keep up...
DRACULA'S SANDWICH: by Brenda Ferrimani; 1997/8/22, a death/rebirth nightmare-painting
Dinner with Dracula goes well, considering, except for the mayonnaise. But suddenly I'm drowning!
No one sees or hears me. Am I a ghost, am I dead or alive? And how would anyone notice?
DRAGON'S EYE VIEW: by Wayan; 1987/3/7, a dream through other eyes.
From Baffin Bay to suburbia, dragons are everywhere... if you look with a dragon's eye...
DRAGONFLY BUS: by Wayan, 2023/3/28; four dreams on halting runaway feelings
A girl writes a whole movie to get a shy boy to hold her; I stupidly summon a monster dragonfly-bus;
a devil-suited jerk hogs a musical's stage TWICE; leeches crawl from the treasure-box I opened...
CAUTION: FURRY NUDITY, SEXUAL FEAR/GUILT
DREAMS BLOCK VAMPIRE ARROWS: by Wayan; 1995/3/30, an encouraging nightmare.
Fighting vampire archers is risky enough WITH proper armor! And all I have is dream-journals...
CAUTION: MENTIONS BATTERING
DREAMS IN WAR TIME: by Amy Lowell; c. 1917, a chain of seven small dream-poems
Terse dreamlets quietly catch World War I's effect. Faith died in the trenches...
DRIVE AROUND SEEKING MY CAR: by Lily, 2017/4/1, an April Fool dream... hiding advice?
I drive around hunting for my car, but even though it's a bright red rental car
I can't spot it anywhere. From my car. From my bright red car...
EIGHT ELFLOCKS: by Wayan; 2007/8/11, an absurd psychic sex dream.
I learn weird sex positions from an abused elf, have calligraphic orgasms, and then I, uh, turn on my stereo...
CAUTION: SEX, ESP, ANORGASMIA, PAST LIVES, ABUSE ISSUES
EL ASNO!: by Wayan; 1995/1/20, a political dreamtale.
In a field in the Central Valley, I face the Terror of California...
CAUTION: FIENDISH LEFTIST PROPAGANDA
ELEGANTE (ELLE EST GAUNTE): by Wayan; 1983/1/8, nondream body-image painting.
Every year, as Americans get fatter, the fashion gets thinner (and I look more normal)...
THE ELEVEN CENT ORACLE: by Wayan; 1998/11/12, a dream on accumulating... change.
I'm a migratory girl who's lost my tribe. I find eleven coins, cross the world, and pay the Oracle...
ELLIS CRITIQUE: by Wayan; 2008/12/10, four dreams comically explore Havelock Ellis's dream-theories!
Pa warns me to protect my paws. Then gilt wounds my sole. Then
a lioness eats a tasty drumstick. Then a bus crashes on our corner--for real!
THE EUCALYPTUS WARNING: by Wayan; 1993/8/6, a punning health-advice dream.
Bad puns link an ecological dream of a forest being murdered by inches, and a dental exam...
EXTRACT FROM A POEM IN PROGRESS: by D.M. Thomas, c.1972, a poem of an advisory dream
As it was revealed that the pianist in Truro Cathedral was T.S. Eliot's illegitimate daughter, her
wretched playing suddenly became beautiful. I knew the dream meant "cleave to the illegitimate"...
EYDIE GORMÉ'S DREAM PARTY: by Carl Linkhart, 1994 or before; dream poem/painting
The sixties. I'm at a party with Eydie Gormé and Sammy Davis Jr.
I get a laugh with a pun about para-keets/para-chutes/para-shoes...
EYEBOLT: by Wayan; 2005/10/1, a squeamish advisory dream
I'm on a British train, sitting across from an attractive, stylish woman
with a massive databolt stuck in her eye--and I have to unscrew it...
FACE-BEETLE: by Wayan; 1982/2/13, a nightmare with career advice.
A monstrous Kafka beetle grows gradually out of my face. And it's a MESSAGE...
FERRYGOAT: by Wayan; 2009/8/15, a dream warning what I was becoming; Dreamverse #48
That levitating bear's not tightrope-walking--she rides a goat strung like soap-on-a-rope. A goat that's me! I'm eating...
CAUTION: UGH!
FIBONACCI: by Wayan; 2011/4/18, a dream-poem with answers
My friends are all computer programs. But then, so am I. But it's not so bad, because...
CAUTION: DREAM-PUNS
FIRE-CATS: by Wayan; 1981/10/10; twin dream-poems on over-discipline
For mere disobedience, I EXECUTE a forest-fire-fighting cat! So next
I'm trapped in a security-obsessed job; how do I like it? I flee...
FISH BIRTH: by Katherine Metcalf Nelson; c.1978/11/15; a nightmare
My little son accidentally tears the tail off our goldfish. The wound
looks vaginal. The fish, moaning in pain, turns into my daughter...
FIVE BLUNT TEETH: by Wayan; 2011/2/17, a biting nondream shape-poem
I read The Best American Poetry, 2007, but it just isn't, and I find myself writing a Savage Poetic Response...
FLANDERS: by Rachael Dutton, c.1981; a dream painting whose dream is lost
In the field, a huge dog whose markings form the image of
a running horse. So who am I dreaming of? Horse or hound?
FLOWERHEADED CAT: by Wayan; 2005/8/17, two bizarre, sexy, advisory dreamlets
My co-worker flashes a lot. Her boyfriend helps--flaps her skirt up to bare her pussy. What's their agenda?
In a dream-sculptor's studio, I pet her lily-headed cat, who purrs. I think "At least her pussy likes me..."
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM, PUNS, PETTING
FLUID DREAM CONNECTIONS: by Jenny Badger Sultan; 2003/11/8 and 2007/3/14; linked dreams of pods
A pod of whales in the sky and a circle of children dressed like seed-pods both beg me to interpret them...
FOOT!: by Wayan; 1980/11/3; poem based on silly obsessive dreamlets
I dream all night of weird feet: a blue alien holograph of one, a band called Foot, parasails turning into sky-feet...
FOOTPRINT: by Wayan; 1980/1/11, a dream of the floating world.
I'm jogging in Yosemite. A man tells me I'm possessed. There IS something in my shoe...
FOUR TABOOS: by Wayan, 2016/3/15, four dreams on inhibitions I hoped I was over.
Climbing out of Childhood Abyss, I literally get a leg up from a girl seeking the Ledge of Teens.
A shy girl has to hide she's a were-creature. Gay men make out in the witch-registry to rattle its
homophobic guardians. My sister stripteases while scolding me for a mess I didn't make...
CAUTION: DUH, SEX TABOOS! KIDS, FURS, GAYS, SIBLINGS
FOX AND THE EYE OF GOD: by Wayan; 1984/8/14, a predictive mythic dream
DREAM: I hike up my Career Path into the hills. On a snowfield,
a bird and a fox create the eye of God, who banishes all evil!
NEXT DAY: I read a novel full of images out of the dream...
FOX-MOTHER: by Wayan; 2008/8/12, a dream poem; Dreamverse #2.
The goddess of the Cult of Clutter catches a little thief, and tastes her to see if she’s worthy...
FRACTURE SPEEDS MARRIAGE: by Wayan; 2001/1/1, a dream of advice on health and romance.
A baseball star got her leg broken. It stalls her career,
but helps her marriage. Did she need a "break"? Do I?
FREAKY DREAM, or, HEART IN MY STOMACH: by Ratiries Steelclaw; c. 2004/3/30, a dream comic
I felt like my heart was in my stomach. My friend Lyx opened me up & said "It is." She scolded me for eating it...
CAUTION: URP
FREEDOM THROUGH BOXES: by Wayan; an experiment in art & pain, Jan 2005
I've always loved curves, color, dreams, sex, texture... and planning, too.
So one day I drew 100 black boxes in ink--no color, no curves, no erasure! And then I began to seek...
FRESH BLOOD: A DREAM MORPHOLOGY: by Carolee Schneemann, Aug. 1980; menstruation-triggered dream
I'm with an Englishman in a taxi who seems rather calm about the fresh blood welling from his crotch...
I find a famous European Veterinarian, but his waiting room's too crowded, so I just leave a bouquet of dolls...
...and wake to find blood on my own thighs. Why does menstruation always come to me as a surprise?
FROG ORDERS: by Wayan; 1986/7/4, a dream on piety.
I'm in medieval England on a mission from God, but I meet a Priestess on a mission from...well, we argue.
F*CK CALIFORNIA!: by Wayan; 2004/10/15, a surreal, embarrassing dream
I'm trying to hump the entire State of California. In public,
too. What brought THIS on? Well, actually, I know...
CAUTION: OBSCENE SITUATION--AND TITLE. OOPS, TOO LATE.
GALLEY SLAVE: by Wayan; 2008/11/27, a punning career-advice dream; Dreamverse #47
Shipwrecked and claimed as salvage on Crete, Ed the writer became
a dishwashing slave! In contrast, Marie the musician...
GET THE PICTURE? by Barbara, as told by Gayle Delaney, 1979 or before; a prompting dream
I was half-drowning, holding our son up in the pool, while my husband tried to take a
photo. I kept gasping "Did you get the picture yet?" but he kept saying "Not yet"...
GHOST GATOR: by Wayan; 1984/10/9, a lip-reading dream.
A child from another universe materializes--part way. Too bad we called in that expert from Stanford...
GIMME YOUR CAR: by Wayan; 1987/9/16, a predictive/warning dreamlet
Dream: a woman wants to drive my old hippie bus. But a tire's missing! She pushes. I don't think it's safe...
Next evening: my housemate wants to drive my old hippie bus. She pushes, but I don't think it's safe...
GOD DRESSED YE, MARE: by Wayan; Christmas carol misheard 1968/12/25, dreamt I sang 1984/9/16, & drew 2008/6/28.
At 15 I misheard God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen and liked my version better. "Lit muffin, rude Esmé"...
GODEVILLE: by Wayan; 2013/9/1, a nightmare of that Old-Time Religion
I'm at a vaudeville for gods. Cthulhu the squid-god nearly tramples me--and then gets horny...
CAUTION: GROSS GOD, GROSS GOO
GREENBIRD SAVIOR: by Wayan; 1983/6/2, a divine comedy.
Time-travel the Navaho way! But our bread-pipe gets hijacked, so we call the Bird. Who shows up, all right...
CAUTION: NON-STANDARD SAVIOR, EVIL DREAM PUNS
A HANDELIAN CONCERT by Samuel Butler, 1890s?; an orchestral blowout dream
Glaciers feed a mountain lake; dust blows over a pass. Then I realize the ice is the robes
of a great choir; the dust, thousands of musicians filling the cirque, singing, playing...
HARRY AND KUVYRKIN: by Vladimir Nabokov, 1916, a punning long-term predictive dream.
Nabokov's uncle left him a fortune but the Revolution took it. He dreamed his uncle said "I shall return to you as
Harry & Kuvyrkin." 40 years later filmmakers Harris & Kubrick paid Nabokov a fortune for the rights to Lolita...
HAVE YOUR COCK AND EAT IT TOO: by Wayan; 2007/4/14, a dream of happy autocannibalism
I grew extra penises which bud off me like fruit. So I fry them up like sausages, and...
CAUTION: GENITALIA FOR LUNCH
HAWK CENSORS: by Wayan; 1988/7/7, a surreal predictive dream on censorship
All the photos of hawk people I can find show them with bizarre genitalia: males
with hawk-heads for penises, and females with nothing. Blank! Then I go to work...
CAUTION: REVERSE SEXISM
HAWK RIDGE: by Wayan; 1990/2/15; primitivist digital dream-painting
I dreamed I was a gull in Middle Earth fighting Sauron, though he
blurred my vision; but my hawk-eyed gullfriends helped me out...
HAWKING COUNTRY: by Wayan; 1994/2/3, a quantum-level dream.
I read Stephen Hawking, and dream I'm in the Quantum Desert, full of bridges, holes & loops--
like the microstructure of spacetime. But it's not counter-intuitive at all--it's HOME!
HE HAS REPENTED: by Frederick Greenwood; before 1894, a pre-Freud discovery of the unconscious
A con artist fools me and a waiter. But if my dreamfolk are all me, who's fooling whom?
HEAD ON MY TABLE: by Lauren Watley; 2011/2/16, a creepy dream-image with depth
After a day of troubling conflicts over race & art, I dream I'm handed a hot, heavy, mossy head--is it art, or alive?
HEADSHRINKER: by William S. Burroughs, c. 1990? A dream of rage against liars
A CIA man trying to infiltrate a revolutionary group flunks a lie-detector test, so the Headshrinker...
CAUTION: REAL HEADSHRINKER
HELL HALL: by Anonymous #3; c.1920?, a dream of initiatory cannibalism
A revival meeting goes bad--suicides, 'long pig', a hell-pit. If you sup with the devil, carry a long fork!
HERON CATCHES ARROWS: by Wayan, 2023/3/31, a shamanic dream based on a pun
I'm a great blue heron with hands and human speech. A hunter fires arrows at me,
but I'm fast and can catch them. They're costly, so I demand a bargain with him...
CAUTION: ABOUT EMOTIONAL ABUSE
HIDDEN INTENT: by Wayan, 1978/10/21, a possibly predictive, self-flagging dream
A huge bridge spans the Pacific; my depth perception reaches miles instead of mere yards.
A crowd worships a guru hidden in a tent on a pier. I don't trust him! He has hidden in tent...
CAUTION: THE JONESTOWN MASSACRE
HIDE IN THE REEDS: by Wayan, 2023/2/5, a punning health-advice dream
In the park, long lines of worshipers wait to meet a guru. But I'm naked, so I hide in the reeds...
CAUTION: NUDE SUNBATHING
HIJACK! The Christmas Special: by Wayan; 2012/4/13, a trapped-in-bad-TV dream.
I'm stuck on a jet full of cartoons. We get hijacked by a kid who just wants
pilot practice, and then a talking cactus counter-hijacks us...
CAUTION: THE F-WORD
HIPPIE MISSILES: by Wayan, 1990/7/23, twin dreams of risky leaps leading to flight
1: I try to grow feathers and fly, but half-fail, half-succeed--experience two bodies at once...
2: I fly to escape a hippie cult. They fire heat-seeking missiles! But I may be too cool to track...
HITCHCOCK BIRD: by Wayan, 1982/9/8, a shamanic little predictive dream
I'm trapped in a Hitchcock thriller. Then one suicidal gunman turns into a songbird!
Next day at lunch a bird acts crazy. Over the next year, I do change from human to...
CAUTION: SUICIDAL BIRD
HOGAMUS HIGAMUS: by Mrs Amos Pinchot, or Claire MacMurray? Nov. 1939, a disavowed dream-poem.
She dreamed she'd written a wise and beautiful poem. Half asleep she scribbled it down. Awake, she found...
CAUTION: HOGGEREL
HOLY ZEN MONK: by Wayan; 1978/4/24, a dream of suicide as political protest
I'm a Zen monk riddled with holes from a weird disease the government denies
is real. So as a protest, I stand naked atop a wall and let the air-sharks take me...
CAUTION: SURREAL SUICIDE
HOP TO THE SHAH: by Wayan; 2010/5/18, a flying political dream
Diplomacy's failed. To stop the impending Iranian War single-handed,
I hop like a monster flea across Iran to corner the New Shah...
HOPE: by Elsie Sechrist's student; c.1973, the ultimate punning dream.
A student of Elsie Sechrist reports a dream in which Bob Hope came jumping
down the street on a pogo stick, expressing the dreamer's feeling that...
HOT JUNGLE LOINS: by Mary Fleener; 1975, an erotic dream-comic.
I'm in a jungle, making love with various well-endowed spirits...
CAUTION: JUNGLE STEREOTYPES, OVERSIZED ERECTIONS
HOT WATER KNOB: by Wayan, 1987/10/5, a punning predictive dream
DREAM: my car has a fuel leak. Luckily, I carry around a crystal hot-water knob--
for beauty, not car repair. But I screw it in & stop the leak, fixing my 'drive'...
NEXT EVENING: turn on the TV news, and there's my hot water knob...
HUNT AND PECK: by Patagia; 1997/6/16, a dream on the creative non-struggle.
I’m a brown sparrow scratching in the dirt, looking for bugs. Focused, tireless, I hunt and peck...
I AM A SILKY IN THE SEA: by Wayan; 1983/12/12, watercolor on shapeshifting in dreams.
"I am a man upon the land; I am a Selkie in the sea..." Silky or selkie means a were-seal...
I DREAM OF DERIVERRANS: by Wayan; 1982/11/16, a Joycean dream of surrender.
I must rescue Ann Soforth from righteous rapists, then Paul McCartney from a musical curse...
CAUTION: ABUSED CHILD, JOYCEAN LANGUAGE
IF YOUR HEART IS BEAT: by Wayan; 1989/6/30. Nondream digital graffiti-picture-poem.
When your brain-cops are edgy, you're getting warm!
I'M NOT THE DIRECTOR!: by Federico Fellini; Oct. 1961, a dream pun on denying your lifework
I'm the director of an airport. A mysterious Mongolian traveler lands. Let him in
or not? I try to avoid the decision by lying--say "I'm not the director!"...
IN THE STAR; 1988/9/12 by Wayan; an epic, out-of-body, intrastellar quest-dream
I tour the heart of a red supergiant, where dreaming souls explore
their fears and heart's desires, unconstrained by solid matter...
CAUTION: SWEDENBORGIAN VISION, UNICORN NUDITY
IT WASN'T EASY: by Wayan; 1983/2/24, a dream of escaping my family's unrealism
An Arabian prince kidnaps my girlfriend and me. We eventually escape his flying palace, but she gets trapped in
Victorian underwear, while I escape feuding politicians by turning myself into a truck tire. NOT a smart move...
CAUTION: BOGUS VICTORIAN SEX-EUPHEMISMS
JACK DANIELS: by Wayan; 1983/10/14, three dreams critiquing a (real!) ESP experiment gone awry
A car crashes & burns--but the driver bailed! No one to save...
A miner stabs a baby "because everyone not underground is evil"...
Radar O'Reilly from MASH, President Calvin Coolidge and I confuse who's who...
JACKPOT: by Catshall; 2007/5/29. A dream on sex, art and change--a flood of change!
How did my bondage dream turn into a slot-machine jackpot? And what kind of change is pouring out?...
CAUTION: (CON)SENSUAL BONDAGE
JENNIFER MONTGOMERY: by Wayan; 1995/4/24, a film review
Montgomery's film about her teenage affair with a pedophile
is troubling enough before the FBI tries to blackmail her...
CAUTION: MOLESTATION/ABUSE ISSUES
JESUS HEADS: by Jim Shaw; c.1994, punning dreamlets of giant... mugs
In a museum I see huge Jesus heads with inset saints and figures in pain;
then, in our old back yard, huge coffee cups half-sunk in the grass...
JETCATS: by Wayan; 1990/5/24, a surreal dream hiding a message about others
Our black cat Purr and our new blonde kitten fly around as if jet-propelled
dive-bombing the roof. Alarming, but their cat-reactions aren't like mine--
fast as a test pilot! For me it'd be suicide; for them, just playing...
JOE COOL IN FINANCIAL HELL: by Wayan; 2009/6/15; Dreamverse #46
When the school district goes bankrupt, students flee creditors into a hell-cave.
But Joe Cool can skateboard even on lava in the Pit...
JOIN THE HUMAN RACE: by Wayan; 1985/2/11, a Gordian dream.
My shortcut in a marathon bogs down in a maze full of psychoanalysts! So I climb the walls and...
KIDNAP LI PO!: by Wayan; 1990/1/16, a poetic dream.
I dream a Chinese fable: how the poet Li Po was abucted by the gods, till they face heavenly justice...
CAUTION: ABDUCTION, DRUNKS, EVIL PUN
KITTEN'S QUEST: by Wayan; 2016/2/13, a dream-poem
I met two strange sisters on a train who turn out to be half-cat. They open my eyes
so I realize that my neighbor Elaine must be a shapeshifter too...
CAUTION: FLIRTATIOUS UNDERAGE CAT
KNEADING DOUGH: by Madellyne Waugh; 2009, a punning dream on money-shame
I'm in the kitchen making a mess--kneading pasta dough on the bookcase. If my mom comes in and sees...
THE LADY LOVES THE HORSE by Wayan, 1990/9/28; a dream mocking fake humility
Richard Russo writes that Westerners cannot dream like tribal people.
So I dream Russo's the Cubist Dictator of Dreams! I prefer the part-equine
Lady Demicorn, and the Fat Meditating Dog, and the Birdiesattva...
CAUTION: NUDE CREATURES
THE LEAD HAZARD OF WITCHES: by Wayan; 2008/11/21; an alternate-world dream
I'm in an America where witches are burned & abused women grow on trees. Yet three of us heal...
CAUTION: CREEPY PARALLEL WORLD
LEOPARDS AT THE FRINGE: by Wayan; 2014/3/28; poem of a cryptomnesic species-bent thespian sex dream
I'm at the Fringe Festival, onstage in a Performance Orgy, playing two roles:
a leopard with human pets and a leopard's human pet. But I'm not quite playing...
CAUTION: STAGED ORGY
LET GO THE SAFE: by Wayan; 2014/2/6; poem of a lucid flying dream
I'm pushing a safe off a roof in Berkeley so it won't be pushed off the roof
(yep, you read that right) but it pulls me with it! Either die, or go lucid and fly...
LET ME PASS!: by Alice Sheldon/James Tiptree; January 1974, a punning gender nightmare
Alli/Tip is lured/tricked into a pen full of women, and tries to get out by repeating this ambiguous plea...
LET THERE BE LIGHT by Nancy Price; 1948, a nightmare of helplessness
Snakebite! I'm hooked to a health-monitor. If a red light comes on, I'm doomed. But voices start whispering...
LINDA'S NAVAL by Linda W & Wayan, 1991/8/16; parallel surreal exhibitionist dreams
WAYAN: My housemate Linda shows me her weird navel--and pussy, to compare...
LINDA: At Christmas, I run through snowy streets, naked except for earphones...
CAUTION: NUDITY & AWFUL DREAM-PUN
LION EYES: by Patagia; 2007/11/??, a serious dream-prank.
Lions trap me in an African cave with only coffee, paper and pens! Is this what it takes to get me to write?
LITTLE BAD DREAM CHARM: by Kathy Fagan; 2001? A slip-filled dream-poem
Half asleep, I scrawl a nightmare of trying to rescue gasping boyfish, but my dreamwriting goes wrong too...
LONG JOHNS by Ann Faraday, 1972; punning dreamlets on two consecutive nights
DREAM 1: A man wearing long white underwear shoots me down with a machine gun.
DAY: Long John Nebel interviews me; his Freudian friend calls me a penis-envying woman.
DREAM 2: Long John and his buddy umpire a rough baseball game. Definitely not cricket...
CAUTION: SEXISM, FREUDIANS, PUNS
LONG ROAD TO HEAVEN: by Edwin Muir; 1920, an epic hypnogogic shamanic initiation
Creatures in the primal sea touch my third eye, dragons cry their eyes out, I fight the Sphinx, and arrive at last in...
LOOKING FOR LIBRIUM: by Jim Shaw; Jan. 1995?, a mutant Biblical dream
After fighting off an electrified Orson Welles, I meet the twelve
vulture-pine-politicians climbing Mt Sinai, looking for librium...
LOSE YOUR TEMPER!: by Emily Joy; 2007/8/30, a tough-love dream.
My mom hires a therapist who really goes for my throat! Why is she so desperate to make me lose my...
CAUTION: OVER-THE-TOP CONFRONTATION
LUNCH-SNIFFER, or, THE PRIVATE NOSE by Wayan, 2022/11/7; a silly predictive dream
DREAM: a weird-looking guy says he's a Private Nose, who can read my
life history by sniffing my lunch. He gets a lot right--but just as much wrong.
NEXT DAY: My sister takes me to lunch & orders tea-leaf salad. Our waiter is...
MAGGOTS: by Ann, a psychology professor, c.1973, the most reassuring nightmare ever!
I ask my dreams to evaluate my current relationship. I dream I'm vomiting up big maggots, and a mirror
shows smaller maggots eating one eye! In dream group, I ask the maggots who they are, and they say...
CAUTION: GROSS, BUT POSITIVE UNDER THE HORROR SKIN
MAN TRIUMPH ANT: by Wayan; 1990, a lost typographical picture-poem
The image got lost, but the words survived, so here's the poetic saga of an ant that left th' farm...
MARABOU MONSTER: by Rustling Leaves; dreamed 2014/3/15
I've got too many obligations, an elderly relative to care for, and now giant birds are invading my house.
CAUTION: STALKING, KILLER BIRDS
MARTIAN ROBOTS DRESS LIKE FREUD: by Wayan, 1975/8/16, an absurd dream... predicting my life-path?
Martian robots pester me. I flee through the Asteroids, leaving chaos, cratering Earth.
Years later on my farm, a bot shows up disguised as Freud. I start mudslinging...
MARTIAN VIGILANTE: by Wayan, 2006/3/25, an absurdist nightmare on inner killjoys
After a busy exhausting day, I find myself on a dream street flirting with a really cute artist.
Until this stumpy green Martian slithers up, calls us criminals, and threatens us with a raygun...
CAUTION: DUMBEST INNER CRITIC EVER
MARVEL PATROLS: by Rick Veitch; c.1995; a punning nightmare on being an independent cartoonist
The comics industry degenerates into civil war. We peddle all night to avoid the Marvel...
MCKILLIP'S NEW BOOK: by Wayan; 2010/7/23, an epic literary dream
I'm inside a magical novel by Patricia McKillip, amid tricksters, cosplayers, spooks, sex changes, levitation and (sigh) cops...
CAUTION: COYOTE SEX
MIGRATING BREASTS: by Wayan, 1988/11/9; a sacred-surreal-sexy-stupid dream
A priestess guarding a Thai temple in the forest has a strange problem:
her breasts rebel, escape and scurry round like hamsters
under her skin; they don't like that Buddhist restraint...
CAUTION: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION
MINER'S LETTUCE: by Wayan; 1989/1/4, an indigestible little dream.
Our cowboy posse tracks a fugitive to a strange amethyst mine, where we're offered peculiar jobs...
THE MIRANDA OATH: by Wayan; 1998/2/24, a subtly predictive political dream.
Strange oaths are proposed for the first expedition to the Uranian moon Miranda...
MISSION CARNAVAL: by Wayan, 2022/7/27; a disorienting dream
I'm in a loading dock with the door pulled halfway down, so I have to look between my legs
to see the mythical dancers outside--upside down. Wait, why am I hiding in here? Go join...
CAUTION: MOCKS PLATO; NUDE CENTAUR, TOO
MISTRESS TOOTHSMOOTH: by Yves Delage, 1915/1/20, an early anima dream
I'm in the cellar, petting a tiger-cat. She speaks inside my head: "I'm tired of living on bread. I need meat."
I make excuses--it's pricy--then see big hanging quarters of meat. I hide them! She says "Call me Mistress
Touttmouss"--well, something like that--I know it's English, but can't make it out til I wake, when I see...
MOM POPS: by Wayan; dreamed 1983/8/5, a dream of bursting your inner critic
The flood sickens my fuchsia bush. My mom says my fuchsia is hopeless,
but I make up a treatment. When it works, well... read the title.
CAUTION: PUNS, EXPLODING MOM
MOUNTING PROBLEMS: by Wayan, 2021/5/22; an anti-Freudian punning math dream.
I'm a giant wolf with a human girlfriend. A formula says I must shrink until my paws are 128 times
the volume of her feet. But I'll still be way too big for sex! Eight seems more like the right volume...
CAUTION: HORNY WOLF, MATH, CLIMACTIC PUN
THE MOUSE BANNER: by Wayan; 1986/9/4, a dream fable.
I'm a mouse with a protest banner saying "FREEDOM!", having a slight argument with a cat...
MUTT HUNCH: by Roswila, 2007/11/13; a dreamku
A dream haiku telling of a dog-pack saved by the intuition of a mutt with a mangled ear...
MY SPLEEN: by Ned, as told by Gayle Delaney, 1979 or before, a diagnostic dream-pun
DAY: I write, exploring my jealousy toward my wife, though I know she's not cheating on me.
DREAM: Doctors remove my spleen and wake it up! Now my spleen is out to do me in...
NAMELESS HAT: by Elizabeth Kew; 1930s?, a comic dream.
Giant worms put me on trial for wearing a nameless hat, but I like their punishment so I taunt the judge...
NEWT WEDDING: by Emily Joy; spring 1995, a six-year-old's epic dream
Through wild jungles and over the Mattress Mountains, I lead a giant purple newt to love...
NIC THE UNICORN: by Roger Martinez; 2013; a dream encounter
I met Nic as he steppd out of the elevator. We were both spooked. Nic asked if I believed in
mermaids and unicorns. I said “yes.” I asked Nic if he believed in dreamers, and after a pause...
A NIP IN THE EVENING: by Wayan; ink 1980 tinted 2000; daydream image.
Like a lot of playful beasts, I like a friendly nip in the evening...
NIXON'S BLANKET POLICY: by Wayan; 1974/5/30, a political dream.
After a class in nonverbal communication, I meet
Richard Nixon under embarrassing circumstances...
NOUVELLE BARBIE BODS: by Patagia, 2012/12/22, a playful poem on a dream-diorama
I visited my friend Chris Wayan's workshop and found him building
a dance troupe of joyfully obscene centaurs out of Barbie dolls...
NUCLEUS: by Wayan, 1979/3/18, a surreal dream of character-insight, set inside an atom
I dream my theatre friends are particles dancing inside an atomic nucleus--
particles that reveal their character, motivations and power. And I'm one too...
THE OBSERVER EFFECT, OR, WATCH THE WATCH: by Wayan; 1997/1/21, a dream of time and opticks.
After seeing an Einstein biography I find myself in the bathrooms of Thought-Experiment High, and...
CAUTION: DARK SIDE OF AN ICON
OCARINA, or, MILLION-YEAR SENTENCE: by Wayan; 1972/5/27, a lucid / predictive dream.
I go lucid and drive my bed to the Nevada desert where I see my next million years. And so far, it’s been true...
THE OCEAN'S FLOOR: by Cheryl Fish, c.1986, a dream of failure-analysis?
I dream we canoe down a river. You say it's barren because this was once the ocean's floor. You're
protective but not longing. I wake on a beach, puzzled why I still feel for you a year later...
OH, WAIT: by Wayan; 2008/10/3, an illustrated dream poem; Dreamverse #32
I'm a spy tracking down coinlike bombs. Fighting a double agent, I fall in love!
So I suggest her gang rob golden-parachute bankers...
CAUTION: POOLSIDE SEX
OPELS, OPALS: by Wayan; 1990/6/10; two dreamlets that turn out to be predictive
I'm car-buying. My friend has an Opel, but it's sluggish AND a gas hog. How can a car be both? Then...
I notice a jar of opals that my grandpa gave me has grown dull with algae! Sheesh, more opals gone bad...
I wake and head to work. But at a bottleneck, I'm blocked by this loud group talking on and on about...
OTTO SUGGESTION TO A HORSE IN DRAG: by Wayan; 1995/8/8, a dream on body image.
My uncle mocks the racehorse he rides! Smears lipstick on this stallion, calls him a wimp... Why?
CAUTION: DREAM PUN, NUDE MARES
AN OUTGROWN BED: by Wayan; 1990/10/14, a dream of growth and time.
I'm a girl in a Catholic school. But a magazine and my too-small bed combine to change my life...
CAUTION: MASTURBATION, QUEER-POSITIVE, CHRISTIAN-NEGATIVE
OWL SHOT: by Wayan; 2007/2/15, a predictive dream
DREAM: I'm hiking in a local preserve when a jay with a handgun shoots an owl...
A MONTH LATER: the first owls to resettle my urban county nest in a nearby park...
A MONTH LATER: they're dead. One was shot; its mate died of grief.
OWLYCAT: by Wayan; 1983/3/16, daydream of night being.
At the time I didn't even notice the pun...
PAGES: by Wayan; 1993/9/2 & 9/3, punning predictive dreams.
Dream-journal pages, Tarot's four Page cards, getting paged,and
a girl named Page--all warn me I lie to myself about what I want...
PALM: by Wayan; 1994/12/9, a dreamtale on solitude.
I hang my artshow, but cut my palm. So I dream of a palm tree whose only problem is the road it's by...
PENTALEMMA: by Wayan; 2002/3/10 to 2006/5/1?, a 13-page nondream improv-comic on deep goals
Hypnotized in therapy, I saw AT LEAST five competing goals tugging at me like gravity fields.
Naturally I drew them. Come tour the Inner Solar System of our desires...
CAUTION: NUDITY (BODY, HEART, BRAIN, SOUL)
PHARAOH HOOKS: by Wayan; 1989/7/31, a deadpan joke of a dream.
My sister and her friend the snake-woman tell me the facts of life: the golden hooks, the piglets...
CAUTION: UNRELIABLE GYNECOLOGY
PIANOBED: by Wayan; 2012/1/22, a health-advisory dream.
I forgot how to play my pianobed, so I just thrash around in it. And thus thrash music is born (sorry)...
PIKE JOURNAL: by Wayan; 1984/11/14, a small psychic dream.
I'm peeking at Pike's Peak with Gregory Peck, as we seek my dream-journals in the Hawaiian jungles...
CAUTION: STUPID PSYCHIC PUNS
PINKIE CLEANS THE WINDOWS OF PERCEPTION:
by Wayan; 2017/2/5, an advisory dream fusing Aldous Huxley & My Little Pony.
My new housemate Pinkie is a party animal, but she's really nice. She climbs a high ladder to help wash my
Windows of Perception. Then our unicorn friend Rarity walks in. She warns me to pace this renovation project...
CAUTION: PONIES
PLUM CRAZY: by Wayan; fall 1973, an early surreal but nondream poem
Plums float through the autumn air, sending us airmail kisses. If we'll accept delivery...
PLUMBER'S HELPER: by Katherine Metcalf Nelson; 1981/12/8; a punning spiritual dream
A stopped-up mystical toilet gets cleared by an unexpectedly colorful tool;
but then, you never anticipate what'll unplug your, um, "head"...
POLYGON DREAMS: by Wayan; 2007/4/23, a 32-page comic on the effects of shapes
What if comics panels and layouts weren't so square? I try triangles,
pentagons, hexagons, circles, spirals--and some serious stuff pops out...
CAUTION: IDEAS, OCCASIONAL NUDITY, MENTIONS ABUSE
PONDICHERRY: by Toni Emrich, 1991/6/6, and Margaret Thomas, 1991/7/??, linked asynchronous dreams
EMRICH: I'm in a conference center in "Pondecherry", even though it feels nothing like India...
THOMAS: A woman picks fruit off a tree by a pond and calls them "pondicherries--with an 'i'"...
CAUTION: WILL ANNOY E.S.P. DENIERS
THE POWER BEHIND THE GODS: by Wayan; 1972/10/25, a dream on the uses of universe-hopping
I meet the terrible Power Behind the Gods. I don't like it. So I get my squirtgun & shoot its butt.
The enraged Power chases me as blindly as I hoped! I jump into a secular universe, and...
CAUTION: SACRILEGE
PUMA ORGY: by Wayan; 1988/2/5, erasable crayon drawing of a dream.
I dreamed I had to go through the Animal Orgy to get to the City of the Shining Spirits on the horizon...
CAUTION: STRANGE SEX
RABBIT WORLD: by Wayan; 6-page comic of a 1990/9/26 shamanic dream.
I'm a telepathic rabbit defending our world from space-laser attack. We do, but do we modernize too much?
CAUTION: IDEAS
RECORD: by Robert Brust; July 1990; a punning, possibly psychic dream
I DREAM I buy a record I've wanted. But someone warns "You'll have trouble with it; you should have gone to another store."
I WAKE as my phone rings. "A clerical error in our records will delay the supplies you ordered." Wish I'd picked another store...
A RENAISSANCE WOMAN: by Wayan; 1997/7/3, a dreamtale.
I'm an abused girl turning tricks to survive. But this is San Francisco: I join a prostitutes' co-op, and meet...
CAUTION: PROSTITUTES WITH SELF-RESPECT, OH NO!
RESHAPE MY FACE: by Wayan; dreamed 1988/9/21; a dream on the benefits of indulgence
Lounging in the sun, I do a magical make-over--molding my bones to give myself more room for
intuition, judgment, nerve--all the while feeling shallow & indulgent for self-improving!...
THE RICH WRECK THE WELL: by Jim Shaw; between 1987 & Jan. 1995, a dream of Heaven
A movie version of heaven. Souls line up for rejuvenation from a great
fountain. But fat old rich guys crash the line, demanding to be first...
CAUTION: UGLY NUDITY, UGLY BEHAVIOR, POLITICALLY PREDICTIVE
RIDDLE ON HER BREAST: by Wayan; dreamed 2021/3/1; a dream using sex to hide a pun
I'm told a girl in an armored nutrient-bath wheechair has my shoes. I need them back. But
to get them I have to answer the riddle written on her breasts. We both get a bit distracted...
CAUTION: CARTOON BREASTS
ROBO-NAG: by Wayan, 2022/8/20, a dream of fighting off two moralizing topdogs
I'm with friends in a cafe. A robot beggar scuttles in and says I must be a saint and give, give, give.
I eject the robo-nag. But it comes back in the form of an Old Testament prophet with the same spiel!
This time it takes fists. At last I give the nagging saint the old heave-ho, yelling "AND STAY OUT!"...
CAUTION: FUNDAMENTALIST BLASPHEMY
ROBOT DREAMS: by Wayan; 1985/2/5, a dream on dreamwork.
I'm a robot in high school. I have my first dream, but I'm deaf to its message cuz it's not spectacular...
ROLL IT!: by C.W. Truesdale, before 1983, a flirtatious, pun-rich falling dream
I'm sitting in a car teetering in the front row of a theater balcony. By me, R. is licking a cherry-
flavored sucker. As the film crew yells "Roll it!" my foot slips on the brake and I do...
RONALD'S FORBIDDEN FIELD: by Ronald, patient of Jan Ehrenwald, before 1954, a telepathic dream?
DREAM: a distinctive house with a tempting green field by it. But the field's forbidden...
DAY: Ronald's analyst had rented that house--but the adjacent field was forbidden...
CAUTION: E.S.P. THEORIES
RUNNER WITH A PORPOISE: by Wayan; 1999/10/30, a dream of spirits.
A Japanese high school athlete has no friends, till she starts meeting animal spirits on her long solo runs...
SAUCER ATTACK: by Wayan; 1991/10/30, a predictive Halloween nightmare
Nightmare: flying saucers attack, and I only have a squirt gun to fight back with!
Next day I see the Simpsons Halloween special. Lisa Simpson has a nightmare...
SAVED BY A CYMBAL: by Wayan; 2021/11/29, a dream punning about dreamwork!
Stranded on an island where a marching band drowned, I escape
by paddling across the Pacific using a rusty, er, cymbal...
SCROLLS: by Chris Wayan 1989/2/17, & Mark Varitz 1989/2/18; parallel dreamlets
CHRIS: I find what may be a magic potion, if it has a scroll hidden in the liquid...
MARK: I'm underwater. Spirits dance around me, on top of sunken scrolls...
SECRET SCREEN: by Wayan; 2018/4/19 and 2018/5/16, three linked dreamlets of escape
A friend nags me to be lookout as he steals a cult's papers. I know it'll end in murder, but foresight paralyzes me!
In a videogame that keeps freezing unplayably, I find a button calling up a secret screen of second chances...
I'm lost in a grim basement, but two kids show me a cobwebbed glass door you can walk through like air...
THE SELL-FISH WITCHES: by Wayan; 1983/6/29, an epic corrective dream
My sister and I are runaways, developing psychic powers.
A cult of fish-selling witches wants to use us...
CAUTION: SIBLING INCEST, SPELL ABUSE
SELVDROLLA: by Havelock Ellis; before 1922, an ignored prescriptive dream
A doctor tells Ellis to try "selvdrolla", but he's so focused on the strange name he forgets the prescription...
SEVERED HEAD: by Dr. Walter Prince, 1917/11/27, a detailed predictive nightmare
DREAM: a thirtyish blonde says her death is ordered. Her head's cut off. But it won't die--bites his hand!
Dr. Prince feels the dream shouts "premonition!" and writes an account at the Society for Psychical Research.
Next night, a thirtyish blonde nearby commits suicide, leaving a note saying her severed head will live on...
CAUTION: CREEPY DREAM, CREEPIER NEWS
SEWING ADVICE FROM CANNIBALS: by Elias Howe, 1845, an inventor's helpful nightmare.
His sewing-machine design failed--until dream-cannibals caught him & jabbed him with weird needles...
CAUTION: OUCH!
SEXUAL DREAMS: by Felicia, Simone, Anons 60-61 & a UCSC student; 1994 or earlier, as told by Gayle Delaney
Five short playful dreams exploring sex. Because too many therapists
get in the habit of thinking all dreams must wrestle with unhappiness...
A SHELLFISH EPIPHANY: by Wayan; 1996/6/14, a spiritual dream.
Our family of Japanese pearldivers is cast away on an atoll. One day, lonely, scared, I cast away fear...
SHY SPHINX: by Wayan; 2009/11/27, a dream of indirect advice
I find a shy sphinx hiding in the corner of a painting in a dull art class. But maybe she's right to hide...
THE SINGLE DIE: by Wayan; 1994/10/17, a dream on child prodigies.
My sisters roll a single die. Miriel can influence it telekinetically, but can't
shoot very well, since she hasn't grown opposable thumbs yet, as kittens do...
A SIRIUS MISSION: by Wayan; 1983/9/21, a nightmare predicting a painful fall
Exploring a planet in the Sirius system, we raft down a river. A local guy warns
there's a waterfall ahead, but my raftmates won't believe him! Over we go. Ow...
Next day, glad my druggy housemate's leaving, I learn of a big letdown...
SKUNKERPILLAR: by Wayan; 2018/4/7, an advisory dream on metamorphosis
After I (sort of) foil some elf-burglars, a friendly elfwoman shows me
a black caterpillar, then the rare white-striped skunkerpillar...
SLEEPERS ALL: by Wayan; 2008/8/22, a dream poem, Dreamverse #12
I dream I'm an insomniac trapped in a flat full of snoring writers and reporters. Wait a minute...
SOLE RETRIEVAL: by Wayan; 2005/10/6, a punning spiritual dreamlet
Guards in a museum confiscate my goofy purple-warted shoes, then lose them!
I fuss till they find them. For it's vital to retrieve my, uh, soles.
SPACE NEEDLE: by Wayan; 1995/8/24, an erotic dream on architecture.
I'm a kid again, gawking at the Space Needle. But a woman stands before it, who no one else can see:
CAUTION: NUDITY, A SEXUAL PERSPECTIVE
SPEAKING FERN: by Wayan; 1991/3/25, a dream-prank.
A dead fern in my backyard starts sending me messages in some strange language...
SPEWING WINE: by Wayan; 1992/8/17, a Freudian-slip dream baring family dysfunction
My family moves into a damp, leaking basement. My dad just sneers at us for fussing
about the cold, the damp, the mildew, the leaks. "I'll show you REAL leaking..."
SPHINX'S WOOD: by Wayan; 1981/11/19, a dream of puns, riddles and advice
After my dad lets me down I dream black may be white, and white, black--if you're a Sphinx...
SPUTTERNIK: by Wayan; 1979, a Beat poem: the comedy of the streets.
A street poet preaches a gospel of smallness, until he pokes at capitalism in a slightly too personal way...
SQUASH WITH WHITE SAUCE: by Wayan; 1983/12/17, not a symbolic dream, no no
I'm in a department store trying on clothes when I notice there's a large zucchini growing from my crotch...
CAUTION: SQUASHY PENIS, ICKY RECIPE
STILTDOE AND CENBUCK: by Wayan; 1989/5/23-24, two punning deer-dreams
First a mutant doe with stilt legs has trouble finding a mate, then
a centauroid buck with a parasol shows us he means... business.
SURF THE SAN ANDREAS: by Wayan; 2008/8/21, 3 short dreampoems, Dreamverse #11
Through twin gates of dream--not ivory and horn any more, but fear and trust...
Three castles on the sea: a Mock Kremlin, a Ship of Toiletpaper, and a Ship of Brick and Beer...
A mad old surfer of the San Andreas Fault, impossibly riding earth-change...
SWAN: by Wayan; 1995/4/8, a transformation dream; 3-page dreamcomic (or as ill. text)
I wake amnesic in a cabin in Alaska, in a dress printed with self-putdowns.
I track down the wizard who cursed me. He turns me into a swan! Worse?
No! His first curse was on a human being, and now I'm a bird. My mind is free!...
SWEATERPANTS FOR CHRIST!: by Wayan; 2011/6/30, a comic sartorial nightmare poem
I pull my mom's sweater onto my legs but get tangled (and bits of anatomy dangle).
Worse, I'm emulating Jesus. Is this any way to get a date?
CAUTION: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION, GENDER MALFUNCTION, MOM MALFUNCTION
SWORD IN MY BACK: by Franz Kafka; 1915/1/19, a surreal but un-Kafkaesque dream.
I slept late and felt a bit stiff, but until my friends pulled it out of my neck I had no idea...
SYBIL SUE FLANNERY: by Wayan, 1986/10/29, a dream noir.
I'm Sybil Sue, a hard-boiled shapeshifting shamus, on the track
of the most wanted bankrobbers in LA: the Bad Girls...
CAUTION: IN BETWEEN GUNSHOTS, THE BAD GIRLS SWEAR
SYLVIA, OR, PUN-DREAMS: by Hervey de Saint-Denys, early 1860s? 4 dreams of French puns
A comet grows hair, a girl named Rosalie becomes a bed of roses, writing in a beautiful
hand appears on a beautiful hand, and Sylvia becomes a talking forest bird...
TAKE UP YOUR PENN; Dreamed 2015/12/18 by John Wallace; a sly dream
Illusionist Penn Jillette pulls a large-scale prank with an ending not even I see coming...
TARDIS GAZEBO: by Wayan; 1993/2/17, a 3-page digital dream-comic
Solve a pictographic riddle and you can fly, shapeshift, work magic!
But someone doesn't want us solving dream-riddles...
TAROT: THE UNICORN QUEEN (Queen of Swords): by Wayan; Tarot card, 3x5", summer 1978.
Having (or living with) a sharp mind is like living with a unicorn. That horn can kill or heal...
TENNIS UNDER STRANGE CIRCUMSTANCES by Nancy Price; 1948,
(A comic frustration dream hiding a warning)
Our tennis game's spoiled by rubber rackets, fierce grandmas,
Good and Evil (those identical twins) and a bully on stilts...
TERI GARR ("FLAMING BITCH!"): by Wayan, 1988/5/16, a nightmare-poem baffling me--then!
A beer-soaked cowboy barbecue goes wrong when a dog named Teri Garr catches fire
and they just laugh and won't waste beer to douse her. Then their big old hats catch fire...
CAUTION: SEXIST BLAMING OF VICTIM; PROBABLE DEATHS BY FIRE
TERRIBLE HORSE: by Louise Bogan; 1941, poem of a healing dream
A stallion reared to strike me. He was all the fear and rage I’d repressed... A woman said “offer him...
THE THING ABOUT DREAMS: by Julia Wertz, a dream autobiography, 1980-2010
As a kid, my nightmares were of Sesame Street characters. In my teens I graduated to
slasher nightmares and recurring lucid dreams. Alcohol trashed my dreams for years, but
now they're not nightmares--just surreal. Hitler wrecks my sex life! What a spoilsport...
CAUTION: (MOSTLY FRUSTRATED) SEX
A THIRD POLITICAL PARTY: by Wayan, 2020/11/30, a dream on deliberate viral spreading
I find three street parties full of half-naked dancers, jammed together for warmth--and maskless!
Not parties--anti-masker events. Sexy, but their protest risks our lives along with theirs...
CAUTION: FLAMES SCIENCE DENIERS
THOSE BITCHES! OOPS, I MEAN... GREAT GODDESS!: by Wayan; 1988/8/19, a dyslexic dream.
I live in a beehive. We must mate with dogs. I'm assigned a bitch. But I'm allergic to gods! Oops, I mean...
CAUTION: SEXUAL THEME, DOGGESS WORSHIP
THUMBSUCKER!: by a patient of William Hammond, c.1868, an epic comic taste dream
I paint my thumb with bitter aloes to break my habit of sucking it at night. I dream of
wormwood, ox gall, mineral salts. I consult Dr. Save Me and even the Pope, but...
THE TIGER WHEEL, by Wayan, 2009/4/25; a dream-poem, Dreamverse #44
A tiger-couple on an ice floe must choose: swim for land, or
ride the current full circle back home, risking starvation?
TIME IS A CROC: by Wayan; 1993/3/29, a dream on time.
Golfing in the basement with Giselle! But her ball goes through a Stargate
to land on a world where the water hazards are hazards...
TIME TO QUIT SWINGING: by Wayan; 2015/2/25, a punning, erotic, cledonic dream
In the steampunk world of the Parasol Protectorate, I'm on a swing, fondling four friends
who I'm in love with--all four! I won't give any up. Yet it's time to quit swinging...
CAUTION: SEX ED CLASS, POLYFIDELITY
TINA FEY TRIES TO FLY: by Wayan; 2017/4/24, a mystical feminist farce of a dream
In a world where speech is in Mayan glyphs, comedian Tina Fey (dressed for prom night)
climbs a Tibetan peak to learn levitation. But the flying monks are scared of women...
CAUTION: COOTIES; ROWDY JESUS; MAY FLUNK THE BECHDEL TEST
TIPCAT: by Anonymous #57; c.1920; a funny little dream-poem
Four lines of comic nonsense composed in a dream...
TITANIC: by Nina; 1979 or before, an incubated nightmare
I ask how my relationship with Scott was going. That night he asks me to sail on the Titanic. I say
"That ship will sink!" but he won't listen. I see a skeleton-baby and know I have even more to lose...
CAUTION: NIGHTMARE, UNFIT DAD, ABORTION
TOES: by Wayan; 1990 digital cartoon-map of dreamselves
My foot is a torso and my toes sprout conflicting personalities...
CAUTION: NUDE CARTOON
TOPOGRAPHY OF EXCESS: by Wayan; 1996/1/22. Digital painting on digital painting.
They call it the information highway because we're all supposed to march in formation...
TORRENT OF CONSCIOUSNESS: by Anonymous #41, 1996?, a surreal word-association dream
Asparagus, wings, an unhinged hand, a boxed ghost, butter, sister incest, tomato-pincushions,
secret volcanoes, one-eyed integers, chickenleg dresses, mirrors and bananapeel beds...
TORTILLA EARS: by Wayan; 1994/6/2, a short shamanic dream.
Why's Mexico City built where it is? And why is corn called "ears"? It turns out these questions are linked...
TOUGH GLOVE: by Wayan; 1999/12/4, an advisory dreamlet
I finally find a way to safely indulge in heavy petting
as well as puns) with a playful but scratchy cat...
THE TRAIN: by John Hollander; spring 1974; a poem based on a shared dream
A couple slips in and out of sleep, dreams, one another's bodies and dreamworlds, trying to connect...
CAUTION: FREUDIAN SYMBOLISM, LITERATE WRITING
TWO BISHOP APPLICANTS: by Wayan; 1984/11/21, a surreal but mercilessly logical dream.
My mind and my soul both apply for a job in Stanford Cathedral. Their rivalry grows to a shamanic duel...
ULYANOVSK: by Wayan, 1987/11/4, a predictive & advisory dream
DREAM: I'm a Soviet Potato Fest. Reds, grannies, food. A girl's told a life-and-death lie about a canine...
NEXT DAY: I read a version of Red Riding Hood, and the dream's weird elements suddenly make sense.
CAUTION: SOVIET CLICHÉS, E.S.P. SPECULATION
UNHAPPY CAMPERS: by Wayan; 1997/9/1, a stupid dream.
I dream we're on a miserable camping trip. So why, when I wake,
do I think it's a diagnostic dream? It's that triple pun...
UNIVERSITY OF THE SIERRA: by Wayan; 1975/10/30, a pun-studded dream poem
Jealous of newlyweds, I grind my teeth. But the Ice Age ground the Sierra's granite teeth, and they're lovelier for it...
VERY FUNNY, MR. MOSLEY: by Wayan; 2009/10/8, a comic nightmare poem; Dreamverse #58
Trapped in a blend of Joan of Arcadia and The Tempest Tales, I'm tired of being the pratfall sidekick...
A VIAL CRIME: by Wayan; 1984/5/21, a cartoon dream protesting that I wasn't me today
I'm a flying fox in England. I see a poisoning and call for help. Ugly knockoffs of
Peanuts characters attack me! The real Peanuts gang defeats them; Snoopy drives
the victim to the hospital, saving her. It really is vital to be... authentic.
CAUTION: PUNS
VIDEO WOLVES: by Wayan; 2009/2/23, a dreamsong (MP3+lyrics), Dreamverse #41
Robot wolves with videocamera eyes prowl our block, freezing me
in their headlight glare. Why do I think one's my ex-girlfriend?
A VIOLIN DEATH: by Wayan; 2015/11/24, a nightmare (vaguely) anticipating a real-life massacre.
A fiddler has recurring dreams warning he'll be run over with his violin. Reluctantly,
He sells it to a friend, and jams with him only in the woods, away from cars. But...
VIRGIN ON THE VERGE: by Wayan, 1992/8/8. Digital picture-poem
Ever since I was battered I feel like a virgin again: longing, but wary--scared where sex may lead...
CAUTION: CARTOON NUDITY, SEXUAL THEMES
WALRUSHMORE: by Wayan; 1982/1/8; a dream pun with political bite
In my sister's house I saw a magazine cover showing that famous
national monument in the Black Hills: Mt Walrushmore...
WASP: by Madellyne Waugh; 2010/4/22, a punning dream on... guilt?
A giant insect chases me around our gym. A girl tells me it's harmless but I'm sure it's a...
WATERMELON MINE: by Wayan; 2023/6/18, a surreal dream with long-term advice
I'm the new manager of the watermelon mine. And to free the trapped minors--
oops, miners!--I have to plan. So I cover the floor with My Little Pony post-its...
CAUTION: CARTOON NUDITY
WAX WALL, PUMA COMA: by Wayan; 2022/8/8, 3 surreal genderbent time-bent dreams
I'm a demon girl out to sabotage a pirate radio station by climbing a tall
wall of glowing wax, carrying a comatose mountain lioness on my back!
WAYMO BALLOONISTS: by Wayan; 2021/7/16, a surreal predictive dream
Huge balloons labeled "Waymo" in bad Chinese are taking over San Francisco.
But the sexy balloonists seem to be more into masturbation than conquest...
CAUTION: EXHIBITIONISM OR OBJECTIFICATION?
WHARTON TOWER: by Wayan; 1985/7/24, 3 surreal dreamlets on gender & class?
1940s reporters almost trap me in a mob shootout. I shelter in a gender-segregated hotel.
The owner of Wharton Tower shakes the hotel so it swings between its butch & femme halves.
I fall off the Hudson Palisades, but I land safely on the Glass Ceiling...
WHAT ARE THE ISSUES?: by Carla Young, 2010/3/16; painting of a political dream pun
My friend's ignorant of our local Congressional race. I loathe Pombo
and like his rival McNerney, but can't pronounce his name right...
THE WIND FROM HELL: by Wayan; 1981/4/21, a dream-poem.
Hot air rises, right? So there's a monsoon from Hell,
lifting souls. Lucky for us that gravity balances it...
WINDBAG!: by Wayan; 1982/7/24, ink, dream drawing
I didn't even think of "windbag" since it didn't talk a bit.
That bag was all action--full of flying magic...
THE WITCH-PIMPS NEXT DOOR: by Wayan, 2015/12/19, a dream on healing from abuse
First I dream the neighbors are powerful witches offering dog-collared children
to the local men. Later, on a train, I meet two kids who managed to escape...
CAUTION: CHILD ABUSE, NUDITY
A WRITER'S MUSE: by Wayan, 1996/12/7, a dreamfable on creativity.
A writer's found in his office mating with an ash-covered creature! But could she be his muse?
CAUTION: NUDITY OR NOT? SEX OR NOT? NO ONE QUITE KNOWS...
XANTHE'S TUNNEL: by Xanthe & Wayan; 1999/6/11, two possibly telepathic dreams
I'm a dyke playing baseball in Golden Gate Park. Some guys harass us and run into a tunnel. I follow, but...
YOU NEED TO FIND HER: by B. Bigham; 2010/4/27, a strong psychic dream of history
I walked into a 19th century home--and family quarrel. Decades passed in seconds; then
the house burned--with me in it. Two years later I learned the house and its history were real...
"YOU'RE SO GAY!": by Wayan; 2013/1/24. A psychic dream of a time-short oracle.
I'm in line to meet a shockingly accurate psychic. But she's running late, so as I frame my question...
CAUTION: I'M NOT GAY BUT I SURE AM QUEER


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