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Condoms or Condiments?

Dreamed 1990/2/25 by Wayan

Bud and Kelly (Christina Applegate) from 'Married with Children'.


BEFORE BED

I'm watching Married With Children, a sour, cynical sitcom, but worth it for Christina Applegate as Kelly. At school, her little brother Bud crushes on a girl who played mean jokes on him till now--suddenly she's all sweet. Kelly warns "that girl's setting you up for another prank. You boys are SUCH suckers."

And proceeds to prove it. She turns to a total stranger and says "I liiiike you" and simpers. He blushes. She says "Can I have your waaaatch?" He hands it to her without hesitation. She tosses it away, turns to her brother and says smugly "The prostitution rests."

THAT NIGHT

I'm in bed with Christina Applegate. She's getting turned on; I was from the start. We'd better use a condom, though. She has none, but I'm pretty sure I do--fish through my pockets, pull out packets of the right size. Wait, are those condoms, or Burger King mustard packs? The same size & shape!

And with this terrible riddle echoing in my head--"Condoms or Condiments?"--I wake.

NEXT MORNING

YEARS LATER

Why post this? Well, I like the dream's pun--how it tries to top Married with Children's prosecution/prostitution pun. But also... most writers on dreams treat "I was in bed with someone famous" dreams as simple wish-fulfilments--basically dismissing them. That's a mistake. Either the actor or (as here) the situation can point to some serious meaning. Beside the obvious wish.



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