Dreamed by Dawn Z., March 2002
by Chris Wayan
My friend Dawn's been calling me a lot from a shack on Cape Cod. She's breaking up with her husband Tim, slowly and painfully. Her family gives her helpful advice: for example, her dad's been telling her "You'd better go out hunting for a guy right away, and lower your standards." See, Dawn's old and ugly and used goods, she'll be lucky to ever find love again. So don't be so fussy this time!
Families are so... supportive.
And the irony is, Dawn's young, slender, sweet, smart... and VERY hot. But don't trust me; I have a major crush on her and always have. I think Tim's crazy to leave her.
Anyway, Dawn keeps calling me with updates. She starts telling me her dreams... and the dreams fall into a pattern.
March 1: R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
"I'm wearing a sexy minidress with an open, low-cut top. I have a Wallet of Power, but no place to tuck it, the outfit has no pockets. So I jam it into my bikini panties like a monster Kotex. I worry it'll pop out on the street, or worse yet, on a date. Plop. How embarrassing!
"Then a man across the street has a heart attack. The ambulance comes. Is it Tim?
"Now I'm in a hotel room, looking in a full-length mirror. I'm naked. I'm black! I'm... I'm Diana Ross, of the Supremes! And... wow, I'm sexy."
When Dawn wakes, with Supremes songs playing in her head, she can't make the slightest sense of this dream, despite her dad telling her recently she's not attractive any more, so she better hunt for a husband quick... I have to spell out, "But Dawn, you are sexy, you have power, you deserve R-E-S-P-E-C-T..."
March 6: JACKIN' OFF
"I'm trapped in a nightmare. Tim's face distorts slowly, as if he's been shot in the head in a slow-motion murder scene. There's blood everywhere. I dial 9-1-1, and the cops come quickly, but instead of helping Tim, they question and threaten me. Now it's my cat Pablo who's hurt. Tim's cat is okay, though.
"One cop wants to rape me! I think, "Good, now I can fuck without having to take the responsibility... no guilt." Even though I fear him, I ask him to lengthen his penis, and then thicken it... He does!
"That makes me realize it's a dream. Yet even though he's so cooperative, and I'm lucid now... I'm still scared!
"At last my "rapist" detaches his penis and hands it to me!
"It's a phone. I've been having phone sex?
"Then my cop's buddy comes over, and looks at me talking into his partner's penis, and starts leering, and drawls: "Jackin' off, eh?" He seems to think that's pretty funny...
"And I woke up.
"Inside the dream, despite being lucid and having the most cooperative rapist in dream history, I completely missed the pun around phone jacks! I thought his partner was just talking about masturbation...
"Until the next day, when my phone jack turned off! Was that psychic? His penis became a phone and he cut it off, and then my REAL phone gets cut off..."
"Psychic?" I laugh. "Nah, just your typical lucid diagnostic sexy funny nightmare. Not a lucid diagnostic sexy funny psychic nightmare. No."
Dawn calls just as I'm thinking of emailing her. She had more lucid dreams! The big one:
"I'm being harassed again--a man gropes me, and keeps poking me with a big wooden arm like a crutch--or a penis. But again, I go lucid, and say "I don't have to take this--I can just leave!" I do, and he can't stop me.
"Outside the house, I meet a whole flock of kids on bikes. They all have four eyes. I go down the block looking for a dream guide. But I ignore the four-eyed kids because I think there's a guide in the house at the end of the street.
"As I reach the house, a high school girl comes out. She has her hair done up in curls--but the curlers are rolls of Lifesavers! I feel a bit strange about that, so I ask a four-eyed boy "Is that girl my guide?"
"He snickers "Not looking like thaaat!" Does he mean because she looks like a ditz with candy in her hair, or because she only has two eyes? Does "looking" mean "appearance" or "vision"?"
When she woke, Dawn felt disappointed, even a bit cheated. She didn't think either Four Eyes or Lifesaver Girl could be a proper dream guide. What went wrong? She was lucid, shouldn't she have been able to summon a guide? I have to point out "lifesaver" has two meanings, too. Summoned a lifesaver, and never noticed!
March 21: TOPLESS ANGEL
Dawn calls again. Her estranged husband Tim visited, and they had sex, but it no longer felt the same to her. Afterward, she dreamed:
"I meet this cute younger guy. We start flirting. He takes his shirt off.
"So I do, too.... Wow, I'm flashing my breasts at this guy... and I feel GOOD!"
She adds, "When I woke up, I suspected he was an angel telling me it's okay to move on."
As she tells me this long-distance, from her lonely shack, I hear a faint, weird shrieking like a small animal's death cry. I thought it was the phone connection but Dawn gasps "Did you hear that?" She looks around to see what it was--nervously. It's night and she's in a lonely house in the woods, after all. I feel creepy--if Dawn's in danger, I'll hear it all but be unable to help. She says "I smell something horrible... like a skunk, like something dead." But not out her back door--only inside her house! She can't see anything, can't find anything, can't figure out what was shrieking...
What the hell was that, the Marriage Banshee?
A YEAR LATER
Despite the Banshee, Dawn's been all right. Dawn's been dating. In fact, Dawn's been taking her shirt off and dancing with cute young bi boys in Provincetown's gay clubs...
I'd say Dawn's starting to recover from her divorce.
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