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MATILDA,
or,
Hitler's Girlfriend Multiplies

Dreamed 1998/10/1 by Chris Wayan

I'm Hitler's girlfriend. Not Eva Braun, I'm still me, just female: thrown into the Nazi's inner circle like a goldfish in the shark tank.

So I try to slow down the Holocaust as long as I can, without losing what traces of influence I have--without getting myself killed as a traitor. I tell Adolf "You're a great man, but go slow with your program--don't get too extreme, or the people will turn on you. Remember, you've primed them to look for a scapegoat for all their troubles--it's the Jews now, but it could just as well become us." I may not be very effective, but this feels like the most I can do--weak, close to powerless, in a pack of mass murderers. The most I can do is sow doubt, and be seen as weak--no threat to anyone.

Then one day, I'm presented with an equation important in this alternate world--never mind why. 14 times 289 = x. Calculate in my head and immediately get the answer, 4046. And 13 times 289 = 3757. Both equations are still in my head when I wake.

And when I wake, I verify the sums--with a calculator, because AWAKE I'm much slower and less accurate. And I know why. There's an interfering voice saying "you can't do that, it's too hard!" When I consciously silence this voice, suddenly there's a burst of math speed and skill, and I can do these calculations in my head quickly and rather effortlessly.

That voice is the same one that looks at music scores and says "You can't read that, you can't play that!" and interferes with me TRYING to read it.

When I can.

What I want to know is... what else can I do?

NOTES

And I'm underestimating what I can do. Just because I feel weak doesn't make it so.



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