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HER OWN WEAPON

Dreamed 1983/8/31 by Chris Wayan


A friend of mine left Los Angeles and moved up her to San Francisco after a gang jumped one of her relatives in a park. A random target--just wanted some fun. A cop came, tried to stop it for a few moments, but when he was threatened, he threw his club away and fled! I'm angrier about that than any other aspect of her story, though much worse happened soon after: a gang murdered her mom, and fatally wounded her sister. Then they lit the fuse on a bomb and ran off. When it blew, it was so powerful it may have killed even some of their own.

She and her dad lived, scared and scarred. And moved out of LA.

Now she's convinced she's being stalked. A man sexually obsessed with her? She often feels stressed by men coming on to her, wishes they wouldn't. Her stalker has weird powers--he enters her house right through her walls, and he comes through in PIECES! His torso and erect cock erupt through a wall, but no face above it... it can emerge on another wall, even in the next room! He never touches her; maybe they're holographic projections. But they shake her so badly she goes to a shrink.

I've been her confidante a long time, so she asks me to come along for a session and help. She's right, I have to help her: she's nearly incoherent when tries to describe the man's invasions. The shrink works through layers of psychological reasons she'd fear this particular image, without addressing whether the image is real. I never questioned the possibility she's in real danger from this nut; I just think she elevates and generalizes his stalking to all men, bestows magical powers on us all--when it's THIS particular guy's ability to penetrate walls that makes him alarming.

This shrink, while listening to my evaluation of her and her stalker, is doing a statistical line-up of all the missing nuts and bolts found in a thorough sweep of the neighborhood. He shows that by the distribution of sizes and type, half at least (I get over-excited and say "90 per cent!" and he corrects me, not wanting to overstate the case) at least half are NOT random, not even lost--my friend unconsciously hid them! She telekinetically removed them, tossed them out... she's a poltergeist! Many of the items are insulators or connectors in the local electrical grid, and she's been REMOVING them, disrupting power!

He shows us her stolen power objects. Spiky brown things, twisty as shark eggs... they're mysterious and somehow scary. Like organic hypodermics with several needles sticking out different ways. Or... like her description of her stalker's cock on a floating, headless torso! The distribution of the missing items is a big sample and is well-documented. The conclusion is inescapable: she's manifested her own stalker, she's stalking herself! Seems like she saw these alarming shapes in her mind because her unconscious was busy stealing them! Only she projected flashers and rapists onto them, because of her past.

I'm embarrassed I bought her delusion. Her therapist's hand forces a woman to reach toward a twisted spiky object like a shark egg.

The therapist tries to show her these spiky things and let her realize for herself. But she says "I don't recognize those." Yet her body becomes horribly tense--stress rises toward the flashpoint as she reaches slowly for a big spike-egg. I know it'll fit into her hand and she'll recall, or her BODY will, and she'll compulsively slash or puncture everything in reach! So I keep my hand near her wrist as discreetly as I can, to confine the coming violence--yet whenever she hesitates, I push her hand closer, closer to reunifying, and closer...

Almost there now--

And I wake.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

Pretty self-explanatory. Harassed by those awful men with their penises again.... well maybe only one... well maybe it's me. Lost a few nuts and bolts, huh? Along with my own power!

Also, I've been reading Italo Calvino's THE CLOVEN VISCOUNT (I prefer COSMICOMICS) and Philip K. Dick's THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH. And the dream sure shows it...



LISTS AND LINKS: violent dreams - Jungian shadows - poltergeists and other spooks - healing from abuse - therapy - personality integration! - Philip K. Dick

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