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Dreamed 1987/3/22 by Chris Wayan

My life was a sex disaster. I was a nervous anorexic noodle boy.

But then one night I dreamed I was a nervous anorexic noodle girl. For years, in the dream, I'd looked for years for a healer who really HELPED. At last I found one--a guide through the jungles of food, body image, sex and love. Digital cartoon of me as a faun-girl named Waria with a second, vaginal face. Many dream-characters in background, including a leaping dolphin and a rampant unicorn

The woman I found didn't just preach. She LOVED her body. And it responded. She looked gorgeous and her skin looked like she was still sixteen. Maybe she was. I didn't ask. I didn't care. I had a role model at last! That's all that mattered.

Happily, I told my parents "I found a healer who works!"

They ask "Is she ugly enough? Is she old enough?"

I was puzzled and asked she had to be old and ugly.

"Young girls are stupid and dependent." said my father.

"Beautiful girls are shallow and vain." said my mother.

"Oh." I said.

And woke up.

Or at least started to wake up.


My parents are leftists and they fought the media-spell--the idea women are stupid, are only sex objects--and are useless if they're ugly or old. But for me and my sisters, our parents' counterspell has become a curse: beautiphobia. It needs a counterspell in turn, and this dream was it.

This isn't a literal portrait of the healer in my dreams, but a group shot of the sexy rolemodels, guides and helpers I met in dreams around this time, led by a satyr-girl named Waria. It's meant to remind me that sexy isn't stupid--or shallow. That beauty's not a crime.

LISTS AND LINKS: therapy - anorexia - body image - joy versus family values - my dad - my mom - mistrust and trust - social class - Red Diaper Babies - beauty - oops! - pure digital art - babes and sexy creatures - satyrs and fauns - genital symbolism -

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