I'm so tired of the underworld. Hell modernized--a mall. Lit, mild; so few three-headed mutts these days, but lots of pitchforkless folk. Polite enough. Still, eternal gloom. No sky. Blue shadows aren't enough. Rough ribs and dripping roof of stone get old after moons without a moon. Seeking a slither out, I try a dim trackless subway tunnel I've never seen. Pooling floor. Oh. Because a teen girl with black hair, orange safety vest camo shorts, yellow rainboots and grin is blasting the Moria labyrinth clean with a high-pressure hose. She's my anima. All work today, no tease. Skirt Silky's spray and showerdrain. Beyond, a door. Locked again? No! Rock funnel widens into bright vaulted gallery. Arches. Light- wells let day-shafts slant on in, ethereal buttresses of sheen. Bone-tired, I can't rev to a run; vine-slow, I plod toward sun.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• Labyrinths: Lately I've been having dreams of difficult, long-term projects, as in Flannan Preparation. Many of 'em feature Jungian underworlds and labyrinths. I think they're my solitary habits. I keep a lot private because (after a childhood of bashing) I expect persecution.
• Tired of being underground: tired of...
  1. Hiding my real sexual feelings because I expect rejection (or worse).
  2. Hiding my real senses--all seven!--because I expect to be called crazy. Today I came out to Shelley my therapist; I tried to explain how I actually perceive people (and animals)--around (and in) your bodies, I sense energy and emotion. Lots of data, but interpreting that flood is hard, and I often get overwhelmed.
• Silky cleaning Hades with a firehose: I'm not Hercules cleaning the Augean Stables, nor Sisyphus endlessly pushing that damn rock. I don't have to clean up my soul's underbelly all alone!
• ACTION: Patience! Changing yourself deeply is a big slow project. But my anima's enthusiastically on board.

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