A DINNER DATE WITH THE FAERIE QUEENE,
BOIL THE CORD
Dreamed 2000/4/27 by Chris Wayan
I'm on a quest to recover a magic necklace stolen by a Queen of Faerie. Not the Queen--they have more than one. No wonder the Fairy Queen seemed so fickle and inconsistent in fairytales. Different people!
I wonder if the necklace is exactly stolen, or if it's just one of those political things. Maybe this Queen feels she was robbed and now she's recovered a national treasure. You never know with magic talismans--I better keep an open mind.
But the Queen doesn't! She captures me, calls me a thief, and locks me with the other necklace hunters in a basement with steam pipes and electrical conduits all over. Still, we're let out a lot for exercise and it's not a bad prison except for all the machinery; we even get separate rooms, fairly spacious.
The Queen of Faerie is busy trying to run an alternative radio station. She's nocturnal, so she can cover the late shift herself without stress. She looks a bit peculiar though: bright yellow with purple bits? Or was that her clothes? I'm told it's not her natural color-scheme, which is fairly human; it's the influence of the magic necklace. Hmm, maybe she really did steal it; magic indigestion isn't a good sign of a necklace that's come home to mama...
The Queen gets some free time at last and invites me to dinner. My first date in forever! She wants to seduce me, and she just might succeed; she's cute with that necklace off. She cooks at home. Mmm, real elf cooking. I peek in the big pot to see what the main course is.
She's boiling an extension cord. It coils in the bubbling pot like a rattlesnake ready to strike me with indigestion. Ugh. As a former anorexic, I'm ready to cut others a lot of slack around weird low-calorie diets, but this goes too far... Pick politely at the salad, wondering what's in it, and don't touch the main course.
The Queen's depressed. I wonder if that's the necklace or her job. She works in Silicon Valley; the commute and the job are both hard. She's a bit subdued by her sadness, but basically... for a kidnapper, she's quite attractive! So I question her, strongly, decisively, trying to help by clarifying the problems.
After dinner, she lies on a sofa and I cuddle with her. We don't go too far but she rubs up against me in pleasure--the attraction is clearly mutual. I feel happy. Despite the awful meal, I had a good time.
Later, back in the dungeon, I tell my friends "She's not the monster I expected. I think the magic necklace is affecting her mood, not just her color."
They have their doubts. One says "She's off-color, nocturnal, with a bizarre diet... all symptoms of a vampire!"
Another says "She's still locking us up, while amusing herself with you!"
I have to admit they could be right.
Or wrong. Is the necklace making her weird... or is it keeping her halfway sane? Do I like her, and hate the necklace's influence... or the other way round?
What do you do with profoundly mixed signals?
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