An Indian grocery is installing a 24-hour window with a tray and bulletproof glass, like an all-night gas station. Here they'll dispense fresh ground spices, herbal remedies, and ethnic foods for the South Asian community round the clock. The owner tells me proudly "The items on sale will include water buffalo! Yes, we will be the first and only store in the county to offer all-night buffalo convenience!"

I'm a bit surprised; since when do Indians eat beef? Is he only catering to Muslims? Oh, well, it's his store not mine. I'm an American herbivore, what do I know? I avoid religion and pick a safer question.

"So are you up and running yet?"

"Well, not fully, you see, we have a staffing problem. We urgently need a night clerk with big beefy arms. The fellow we have now is simply not strong enough to stuff a water buffalo through such a tiny slot."

"Yes... I can see that would be a problem," I say, and wake.

• Buffalo = that evening I'd cooked an elaborate vegetarian banquet as for my carnivorous friend Zooop, just to show her a meatless diet's not boring at all. Maybe I went too far--she said the food seemed "as weird and exotic to me as water buffalo!" Uh, Earth to Zooop, the point is NOT to be bitin' the buffalo...
• Why a 24/7 store? Well, that's the date! Okay, it's 7/24 not 24/7, but that just shows how picky you are.

Zooop's turned vegan. No dead animals for her! These days, her diet's more like mine than mine is...

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