I join a social circle in the Mission District that meets weekly to discuss public issues at a small community center in a park. Lucinda, my old friend from Psychodrama years ago, presides.

The circle includes two attractive singles. A stunning catlike blonde flirts with me. Soon becomes my girlfriend. Her personal charm's so great it takes me several months to realize she lies to me routinely.

Weeks pass. She not only lies--cheats on me, and conspires with Boyfriend Two to do something unethical, maybe outright criminal.

Yet I'm suckered by her guilt-free happiness. She's so rare; most liars worry even more than the honest, and I sense that worry in liars, and it feels bad to me. Can't even be around most con artists; so strange to be comfortable with her, even when I know what she's doing!

A rare and precious liar: utterly guiltless. Yet her lying hurts me & others. Just not her, and that's all that matters. Clarity, simplicity... practically a saint. Of liars.

At last I force myself to break up with her. I have to, but so reluctant! Still feel a tug whenever I see her.

Is it... envy? That she never has to worry? Guiltless Liar Envy Syndrome! GLES.

I start dating the other single in the group, a quieter, less flashy dark-haired girl. She's honest. Slower for us to get close, but it works out much better.

Though she's got her quirks. She's quiet, not a talker, but she likes sex in public. We have some odd adventures. Today, we're curled up in a nook in the community center, in a sort of spooning position, me on my back, she on HER back on top of me. And while everyone else debates the coming election--Trump versus Biden--we just listen and squirm and come and come...

I think I'm finally getting over GLES.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• Girlfriends, choices: I've been reading the manga Negima. Negi's a child prodigy, too young for the girls around him--for now. When he tries an illusion spell that makes him look adult, suddenly he's a hot property. Only... that spell will wear off! It's unfair to date these older girls--he's smart and sensitive, but unready for sex physically, emotionally, and legally. He can't drive, drink, vote, or marry...
• Lucinda: when I knew her years ago she was in a painful love triangle... later, she had a long chronic illness, as I did. Love- or health-complications?
• Group talking about the election: My friends Ruth & Edward held a pre-election meeting/party where we went through the ballot, pooling our knowledge of candidates and propositions.
• Quiet honest girl w/black hair: probably Silky, my anima/spiritwife, in human form (she often appears as a talking black cat or black mare).
• Sex in public, in a community center in a Mission District park: I think it means performing music! Why?
  1. One of my first music gigs was in a community center in a Mission park.
  2. In Negima, Negi, magically disguised as an adult, dates Ako, the bassist for Dekopin Rocket; she's less nervous about the date than about Dekopin's first big gig... she can really play, but with all eyes on her, will she freeze?
• Charming blonde liar:
  1. My sister played me a song she wrote on her ex-friend Gretchen--trying to understand her. Gretchen was just like the blonde in my dream--a happy, sexy charmer who lied guiltlessly. My sister & I had trouble even seeing her malice, since she always felt justified and thus serene, no matter how mean she got. We sensed that--and envied it.
  2. Donald Trump with a sex change! After all, he's a walkin' talkin' Id--no inhibitions at all. And that's the source of his charm: his followers envy, and want to achieve, his utter freedom from guilt. His sleaze never troubles them because it just proves his point that he CAN get away with anything. GLES.
     Wait... so I fucked... The Donald? Eww. This dreamwork is dangerous.

FOUR YEARS LATER

Looking back, I think the dream was a political prediction. It wasn't just me that picked a quiet type (who likes action not words) over a yellow-haired, motormouthed, guiltless liar. A solid majority of voters did too. Not even close--a margin twice as big as last time. Oh, the guiltless liar denies that... but he's a guiltless liar.

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