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NEUTRINO EYES

Chris Wayan, April 1983

Dedicated to other involuntary psychics
in a world that denies our existence.

I see this you, the who-you-are.
Textured circumference
Subtle as Star.
Arches of light, your hands reach out--
But inside, something blank--
No fusion at the core!

The Apples of the Sun are gold
Only to spectral eyes
Bred to taste the blush of skin.
I have no eye for light:
See through the summerdress
flowered of fire;
I rip the fair
Fabric of blaze,
Your radiant face.

I worm down your dark eyes
Ashamed all the way--
Probe on in,
Larval, obscene,
Down your dark wounds
To convection's core.
Your privatest transmutations:

Gold, oxygen
Iron or soot--
I lay all bare
Your root.
Neutrino eyes. Neutrino eyes!
I curse the god who gave me
Worms for eyes.

I maggot-gnaw, mar sun on sun
Seeking that ten millionth one--
Lover with fusion at the core!
Who in that alchemy could burn
Larva to phoenix
And humaneyes me
to skindeep hues
So I'll be dazzled blind--
Bask in shallow sweet-scent light--
Delirious rich breezes that
Ooze from the rind.

I'd gladly leave your cyanide seeds
Private in their core
For other neutrino eyes to see.
Not many, but... we are.

AFTERWORD

Thirty years later, I don't curse my creator any more. But ESP is a hard card to be dealt. Just to spell it out: some eyes see past the skin, the way neutrinos pass through suns. Neutrino eyes see secrets others miss. Embarrassment's common and romance is hard. I find nonpsychics exhausting but I feel I have to look--look for another like me. It's probably good we're rare. But we're here. Not necessarily out of choice, but we're here.



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