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Sister, Cousins, Nieces

2000, pencil portrait by Chris Wayan

"Go back! Wrong way!" says the sign--not because the past is dead; because it isn't.

Because the desperate crushes I had on my brilliant and beautiful sisters and cousins, were incestuous and doomed.

And the habits I learned then, from hovering on the brink of incest, habits like "hide your sexual feelings, in fact hide your love, for it's forbidden"... still shadow me as an adult, outside my crazy brilliant family.

It's hard to learn to heed the roadsign, and turn away from crushes, romanticizing, longing for unavailable women. And stick instead to the white stone road of glaring bluntness. Be honest. Women won't mind. Because they're not my sisters. It's not incest.

Even though it still feels like it.

Wayan's sisters, cousins, nieces
THE ROAD OF MY LIFE: 1999.
The white road is my life history, told in women: friends, lovers, relatives, ancestors--and one past life...

ROAD Detail: MY GRANDMOTHER AND MOTHER WHEN YOUNG :
They were both beauties and look rather feline to me--I'm drawn to feline beauties still, and wonder...

ROAD Detail: FRIENDS AND LOVERS:
Friends, and lovers, and some who got away. And the big question mark: who's next?



LISTS AND LINKS: family - incest - dreams of my sister Miriel - pencil drawings

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