I'm at an awards dinner--a nonprofit giving prizes, or a school giving degrees? I don't know, I don't care. Too busy gawking at all the cute women here! I came to find a girlfriend. But whenever I approach anyone, I turn shy and tongue-tied. I can't do this! I can only be calm in deep, solitary meditation. Around people, I lose it--still.

I wonder if my old mentor could help me? A neighbor of mine who was both a working therapist and an artist too. She might have some calming techniques...

But I just can't call her up and ask--I have nothing to offer her back. So I walk out of the ceremony, feeling sorry for myself, walk down the hall, pause in a lounge with sofas, and look out the window.

A woman wanders in the other end... my mentor! "How've you been?" she asks. We have a long talk. Afterward, all I can think is "The world is so eager to please, it works so hard to supply what you ask for! I concentrated my whole heart on meeting her again--and we did in a matter of MINUTES! What a misdirection of energy--I could just as easily have asked directly for a girlfriend, not mentors to show me how to HUNT for a girlfriend."

Not that the problem is meeting someone I like. The universe is ready to offer me whatever I long for, any time.

The problem is letting myself have what's offered.

And being worth having--or recognizing I AM worth having, already.

NOTE IN THE MORNING

The mentor I summoned was a mixture of two neighbors: one's an art therapist and ballet dancer, while the other cartoons and sculpts dog-headed goddesses and writes lesbian mysteries. I know, I know, "only in San Francisco"... Exactly why I live here, dear citizens of Poughkeepsie. Because the universe CAN manifest anything, anywhere... but on the rare occasions when I DO get it together to ask for what I truly want, it seems quicker to manifest when there's a huge, diverse pool to draw from!

Seems kind of rude to make the universe ship them in from out of state.

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