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Dreamed 1980/9/18 by Chris Wayan

My two sisters and their best friends grab parts of my body and masturbate with them--squeeze them between their thighs, shove them up their cunts. I don't do a thing, just passively enjoy being used. Get turned on but just lie there with an erection, unmoving. Well, I fondle them vaguely, a bit, but always lapse back in to passivity. For I'm focused on what's happening TO me: I'm being made a fuss over. Being adored!

And in the middle of a wet dream that a million frustrated brothers with sexy sisters would die for (and possibly vice versa), I hardly even pay attention. My mind drifts off to a girl I know from a theater class! And she's not even here...

I lie back with various parts of me inside four girls at once, and listen to them come and come and come.

"Wow" I think. "They like me. They must really like me."

Did I come, you ask?

C'mon! That'd be selfish!


Last night I wondered, in my present limbo, feeling lonely but not even trying to date, just how far my sexual passivity will go? And the dream asnwered: Oh, pretty far. Pretty far.

And not just passivity. This is close to abuse. Picture me as a girl passively letting her brothers and their best friends all come on me and in me, while I think "They must like me, they really like me..." Not one of them bothered to notice I was acting strange, and that this MEANT something...

A year or two ago, I broke up with Kay who constantly talked of pushy, sexist, abusive men (when she was pushy, sexist, and, I later realized, abusive). Since then, I've been more than wary. I've been paralyzed!

I thought it was trained guilt--fear of being pushy sexist abusive. Wrong! My passivity's different: I don't believe women really want or like me, and I want to be liked SO MUCH that I ignore everything else--my wants, her wants, action... fun.

Still... strange as this sounds... this is PROGRESS! I'm not hurting, and I wouldn't stand for being hurt.

Yay! I've stepped up from abuse to exploitation!

LISTS AND LINKS: healing from abuse - sex dreams - orgies or group sex - frustration - sexual exploitation - incest - passivity and initiative

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