At a party, I run into Wendy, a sweet warmhearted blonde I met in an art class, but haven't seen for several years. I always liked Wendy, she was an archetype of the healthy normality I never had. Last I knew, she was married (or nearly) to a smart but cynical guy named Ari.

She looks worried and says "I need your advice, Chris." I apologize to the woman I was talking with and go off with Wendy.

She gives me a warm hug and tells me Ari is treating her strangely. "He hasn't touched me in weeks. What's wrong with me? You were attracted to me in class--have I lost it? Am I ugly now?" I hold her, but she feels skittish, nervous.

I say "Don't panic now, I'm going to grab your butt." I hold her close, rubbing against her. Instantly feel my blood pounding. My cock gets hard in seconds. I wait silently till she can feel that, then let her go, and look her in the eye and say, "Nothing... is wrong... with YOU... at ALL."

I feel ashamed I did that--it was more for me than her. I know she was battered as a kid; not only does she blame herself when others neglect her, she submits to authoritative-sounding men. I was playing doctor, to get a little sexual rush--or the rush of control! She may feel more comfortable when men push her till she feels embarrassed, like I just did... but that's just because it's familiar. What'd really help would be some other way of flirting with her, being sexy with her.

Still, it felt good. I want to do it again.

And if Ari doesn't shape up, I'm going to.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• Wendy: a real classmate. I wanted to date her. She asked me out. But I was still recovering from being battered, and I panicked, ran away, couldn't talk to her, spun into depression. She was just too soon.
• Wendy's lovely, yet she asks "Am I ugly?" = I just read Resilient Adults, a study of the abused. It concluded the kids who recover from abuse find a substitute nurturer who likes and values them, and acknowledges the abuse even if they lack the power to stop it. Surprised even the author!
• Ari = Aristotle? Logic? My brain, ignoring my body.
• ACTION = Less head work, more body work. Go to the gym, hike and go to the beach. And if I'm still too scared to date anyone and try sex yet, at least try flirting.
• I dominate her and she accepts that, it's familiar = Abuse victims in Resilient Adults. I was bashed, and I AM almost comfy being ordered around--a pattern I know. Scarier to be respected, given space to make decisions!
• WARNING! I may rush into a sexual relationship, ignoring my fears. That'll keep me shy and embarrassed--and that's familar! Try only doing what's truly comfortable--though that'll be unfamiliar.

World Dream Bank homepage - Art gallery - New stuff - Introductory sampler, best dreams, best art - On dreamwork - Books
Indexes: Subject - Author - Date - Names - Places - Art media/styles
Titles: A - B - C - D - E - F - G - H - IJ - KL - M - NO - PQ - R - Sa-Sk - Sl-Sz - T - UV - WXYZ
Email: wdreamb@yahoo.com - Catalog of art, books, CDs - Behind the Curtain: FAQs, bio, site map - Kindred sites