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WENDY NEGLECTED

Dreamed 7/22/1996 by Chris Wayan

Pencil drawing: profile of a longhaired girl with sad eyes.

At a party, I run into Wendy, a sweet warmhearted blonde I met in an art class, but haven't seen for several years. I always liked Wendy, she was an archetype of the healthy normality I never had. Last I knew, she was married (or nearly) to a smart but cynical guy named Ari.

She looks worried and says "I need your advice, Chris." I apologize to the woman I was talking with and go off with Wendy.

She gives me a warm hug and tells me Ari is treating her strangely. "He hasn't touched me in weeks. What's wrong with me? You were attracted to me in class--have I lost it? Am I ugly now?" I hold her, but she feels skittish, nervous.

I say "Don't panic now, I'm going to grab your butt." I hold her close, rubbing against her. Instantly feel my blood pounding. My cock gets hard in seconds. I wait silently till she can feel that, then let her go, and look her in the eye and say, "Nothing... is wrong... with YOU... at ALL."

I feel ashamed I did that--it was more for me than her. I know she was battered as a kid; not only does she blame herself when others neglect her, she submits to authoritative-sounding men. I was playing doctor, to get a little sexual rush--or the rush of control! She may feel more comfortable when men push her till she feels embarrassed, like I just did... but that's just because it's familiar. What'd really help would be some other way of flirting with her, being sexy with her.

Still, it felt good. I want to do it again.

And if Ari doesn't shape up, I'm going to.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

Of course no one ELSE out there has any dating ambivalence at all...



LISTS AND LINKS: sex dreams - healing from abuse - body image - horny boys - rescue fantasies - portraits - pencil art

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