I'm biking in a California canyon near a big city. I tell a woman "If we can fly, we can use the wind's force to take us inland, then tow-lines powered by windmills will pull us back. Or we could just coast back down, since inland is uphill."

The two of us roll down the canyon on my bike, but pause by a huge dog by the road, who's been hurt in her paw and belly. I've seen her here before, and she was fine then. What happened? I look more closely and the paw is serious; I'm not quite sure about the abdominal cut. She lives wild, in the canyon--was RAISED by a human specifically to BE a wild dog. She'd have to change her earliest training to be adopted now by a family. She must hunt and kill animals in the canyon to eat, though she's a gentle dog by nature, with tender feelings, clearly unsuited for this hard life. I feel strong sympathy for her.

Also... desire! She can turn into a girl: human, or a moth-girl like my friend Miaree. Everyone knows her. I find that sexy and exotic. Plus, I feel sympathy for another underdog.

So I invite her to dinner. She only laps up kefir or lassi, a fruit-yogurt mix. So I do, too. I find she can talk as we do--she just didn't while she was feral. She steadily turns more human. We live in my family's house now, on a little farm in the woods, with jealously watched property lines and privacy. We're cautious because my dad's a gossip. He won't trash anyone if others are within the slightest hint of earshot. But if he's sure no third party's around, he'll spill dirt on you, and he's not fussy who he talks to--just so they're alone.

Something's wrong with our stereo speakers or tape player. But the more I test them, the more elusive the problem is. The music stimulates my desire. But not just mine--my dad "accidentally" wanders in, introduces himself, and, fast-talker that he is, he flirts with and goes off with the Wild Wounded Bitch! I follow, jealous, to spy on them. Run into others who deny they're trying to find them and spy on them too, though it's obvious. Everyone here's a voyeur, it's in the air.

I stumble on our teenage maid. She's peering over a hedge, watching my father with the Bitch. So excited she's masturbating. I come up behind her and peer over her shoulder. Suddenly notice I'm pressing against her ass. She pushes tighter, backing into me. She wants me! Or at least sex. I like the first stages, getting hard, but then have trouble get inside her--her cunt feels scratchy and sort of reluctant, though the rest of her body seems eager. Even when I do get inside and we're fucking, she's somehow less exciting than just petting the Wild Wounded Bitch! Weird how obsessed I am. But then, even as she's coming, the maid also keeps her eyes on the Bitch.

And then a man comes up demanding something from one of us, and... I quit! Pull out, give up trying. Don't even fight for my pleasure, or hers... I can't believe I'm just giving up.

But then, we just weren't right for each other. And my dad stole the Bitch.

It's so clear who I really want... why won't I go get her?

NOTES ON WAKING UP

• Hurt paw = hurt pa?!
• Trained to be a loner = me.
• Miaree = Zach Hughes' book The Legend of Miaree tells of an alien butterfly woman who marries a fast-talking mammal. He betrays her and her people.
• Wounded Bitch = incest, molestation trauma. Or maybe the wounded bitch is my friend Lucinda. She was molested--maybe she wants to give up sexual responsibility, so she looks for daddy figures like this much older guy she's having a fling with, Ed. I'm attracted to Lucinda and have far more in common with her, but there's no point in me even trying--she can't see me. I can't play father figure to save my life!

Ed the father figure left his wife for Lucinda, and she married him.

Hmmm.... so sex with the maid's no fun because we're both obsessed with the Wild Wounded Bitch? Haven't I neglected something? Who IS this maid, this servant I'll fuck, but somehow never quite notice... and who treats me the same way, because we're both obsessed with the Bitch?

Oh--my own body.

Oops.

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