Dreamed 1997/8/26 by Chris Wayan
My friend Beryl comes by--and tries to seduce me. I'm so frustrated these days, I nearly say yes, even though I don't find her at all attractive. Also, I feel scared about getting involved with her, though I don't clearly realize why till I wake: Beryl died years ago. Getting involved with dead people can be trouble. I mean, what if it's catching?
But in the dream, I don't exactly realize she's dead--yet I do recall she had terminal breast cancer, and I worry THAT's catching!
I don't want to offend Beryl because she has an ominous aura of shamanic power that feels unwise to mess with. So I don't flat-out refuse to kiss her, but I won't get really wet and tonguey.
Against my will, I get hard... and she crawls on top of me and starts rocking her hips against me. I shove my thigh against her cunt instead of my cock, again wary of too much contact, whether aura or skin. But don't want her mad at me--hope to get her off (in both senses) as quickly safely and diplomatically as I can. She rocks and squirms a while getting hotter and hotter, her weird aura flaming up around me till she comes--and then she abruptly stops and climbs off me casually!
Beryl grins "That was a shamanic exercise, like kundalini--we built up sexual energy I can now use for..." she tells me what, but I forget.
But then why should I care what she used it for?
She used ME.
And I don't like it.
My late friend Beryl had huge breasts and worked as a nurse. She was a bit of a compulsive caretaker--made herself into one big breast. She died of breast cancer.
So does Beryl = death? Caretaking?
I'm afraid many of you know exactly the feeling I had in this dream, that uneasy mix of excitement intimidation and revulsion, that leads to reluctant sort-of-sex instead of a clear yes or no. The dream suggest that sex-to-placate-the-pushy (whether boys or girls, living or dead) is all the same. It steals your energy. Beryl in the dream was just franker than most date-rapists about what she was really stealing. Not pleasure. Power.
And I let her.
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