THAT DAY

Despite the rain, a pretty good turnout for our monthly book group. I tried conventional groups that discuss one book, and found them dull; but ours, I like--we just go round and each describe books we've liked and hated in the last month.

THAT EVENING

I try two manga. I was Reincarnated as a Villainess, text by Inaida Sou, art by Ataka. Mystia dies and is reborn in a gameworld. She grows up with memories of playing the game in her last life. Like being psychic, but not a sense; pure memory. She lives warily, marking time, trying not to mess up the backstory, til she reaches her teens--when the game truly starts. Good premise and writing, but the art makes many characters indistinguishable--unless they're named, I can't keep track. Frustrating.

Next: Shikimori's not just a Cutie by Keigo Maki. Easy-going, cheerful blonde high-schooler doing... nothing much. Just hanging with her shy boyfriend and their circle. Swim in the river, watch fireworks one night. I like the characters and writing, but the scribbly, kinda awkward art doesn't appeal to me.

THAT NIGHT

I run into a girl I know slightly. Slender, twentyish, attractive... but nervous. She shows me her shared apartment here in downtown. She says "It's too small, and no yard; a cheap toehold in the city. Your house is better--a mile farther from the action, but way more space."

Shows me round. A one-roomer? "No kitchen" I note. "No, that's the worst thing about it." Of course the area's crawling with restaurants but... A narrow hall leads to two more small bedrooms--the inefficient layout has this hallway on the outside, so it gets natural light, while the rooms are dark--few windows. A small deck she & her flatmates have covered in potted herbs, so SOME access to open air...

But yeah, cramped--and the apartment door opens into her bedroom, presumably designed to be a living room. No privacy at all.

Above the deck roils a purple-black cloud, the densest I've ever seen. Ominous. Is that what's scaring her? I keep waiting for the torrent (or twister!) to come down, but it just hovers, growing...

Her housemates come home--twentyish girls, one black one white. The girl I know gets even jumpier round them than around ME--pessimism, self-putdowns. I can't see why. Guilt over... what?

The other two roll their eyes, mutter "It only rains on her." Is it true? Does her attitude summon it?

A shame--the attraction's mutual, but her spasms of shock and fear--whatever's causing them--are intense, stabbing deep into me. My sensitivity, letting me feel her pleasure, aids me in flirting and sex, but it's not a pure blessing; I suffer with her, too.

Long-term, I know I can't bear the black cloud. I HAVE to have someone sunny. Or at least... serene.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• Dark rooms, stupid design: first house I rented, in San Francisco. One housemate was sunny, calm... an artist without angst! Is the dream reminding me they exist?
• Cloud threatens rain: rained all day. Or is it symbolic? Weeks ago, a truck crushed my parked car; I've felt sick and depressed ever since.
• Dark cloud over glum character: a comics trope as old as Joe Bftsplk in Li'l Abner. Joe's curse made him glum; here, gloom may summon both cloud and luck.
• Black-purple: looked like tornado clouds, with their sucked-up dirt; so it may mean danger not just gloom.
• Jitters: my own? Do I come off like this to others? Mystia in Villainess has foreknowledge of the game she's trapped in. It helps her save a life, but she pays a price in constant worry. My foreknowledge from dreams may make me more nervous, not less. In contrast, Shikimori was easy-going.
• ACTION: literal. My high sensitivity to others' moods is innate--genetic. I may like a brilliant brooding Mystia, but the stress of the black cloud could kill me. The dream has spoken. Seek a sunny Shikimori!

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