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Cubist Charlie Brown

Dreamed 1977/4/1 by Chris Wayan

I'm my sister Althea... only drawn as a cartoon. We all are. We live in a universe that's just a vast, crudely drawn comic strip. We look a bit like Peanuts characters, but more cubist and abstract than Peanuts ever was--we're all just chunky assemblages of squares and circles.

My father expects me to take care of a distorted, extremely cubist little kid--you'd never guess he's Charlie Brown, Charles Schulz's alter ego... except for his T-shirt with that characteristic zigzag stripe.

Cubist Charlie is psychic. He keeps seeing disasters ahead of time. I, Althea, can sense disasters dimly myself, I always have--just enough second sight to know this clumsy little kid is right. He has the sharpest sense of the future I've ever seen, far better than mine. Unfortunately, my dad believes ESP is nonsense. He just calls poor Charlie irrational, clumsy, stupid... when the poor kid's just paralyzed with horror at what's to come.

Red ink spills, a sea of red, "the multitudinous seas incarnadine"... It dries, staining the whole world bloody. Only a few small islands are still white paper. My dad wants us to stay "rational" about the disaster: no problem, no danger, you're just clumsy...

And then the dry red paper becomes a railroad, and it grows and enhuges and immenses till a frightful Engine boils up from the paper, and the red LOCO MOTIVE runs over the whole world. And, of course, kills us all.

And I yell "Your reason is fake, you won't listen to anyone!"

And my dad says "Just calm down, and you'll see when you're rational that..."

And I want to kill him, but I can't, because we're already dead.

I dream that a cubist Charlie Brown drowns in a tidal wave of blood--or is it red ink?

I think this dream is when I realized my dad could deny anything and sacrifice anyone, even us, to protect his worldview. His faith.

It took a while longer to face that I had an internalized copy of him that passionately disparaged my intuition, even strong warnings I needed to hear and act on. This hyper-rationality was endangering my life!

And maybe you have a voice like that too. Drowning out your own ugly, awkward, terrified, clear-sighted, cubist Charlie Brown.

LISTS AND LINKS: I'm Just Not Myself Today - nightmares - kids - angry dreams - blood - dying in dreams - cartoon dreams - my dad - a classic example of his ESP and denial: THE MURDERS - apocalyptic dreams - bias - coping with being psychic - Freud - what my dad did to uncle Hugh - I dream again I'm a badly rendered cartoon: Cuteness Pageant

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