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46K, 525 x 680, 1995, nondream sketch by Chris Wayan

I got the flu and had to skip both life-drawing class and the gym, so instead I found an ad insert for a gym, and went there mentally by drawing this woman. The mirror was a challenge: the two images don't quite feel like the same woman to me, but that's how the photo felt too... like waking and dreaming minds are twins, but not identical twins.

I liked the pose--partly for her distinct swayback: arched lower backs feel sexy to me. But also, the whole vanity/mirror/body-pride mood. I still feel ashamed and vain if I show much interest in my appearance... or enjoy others looking at me! I envied her open flirting with herself--and her health. I couldn't go to my gym for days and it started to feel like a lost paradise.

figure in blue tank and panties looks at herself in mirror, likes what she sees. Exercise will do that.
When I finally went back, it wasn't.

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