Every month, when the moon is full, people try to kidnap me. The cops are no help--never believe me.

Every couple of months, my kidnappers succeed. Occasionally I escape; but a few times a year they hold me several days, till the moon's visibly lopsided and the season for my kidnapping fades. For those days, they question me. It's all about some secret they want. They never get it. Far as I can tell, I don't know it.

A couple times a year, the grilling goes so far it's torture. They always try not to make it show, to keep deniability; if I had visible bruises cuts or burns, I might convince someone to believe me, to help.

So I always recover--physically. But what effect has these endless assaults had on my mind? I know they've made me fatalistic. But what else? I feel isolated. Despairing. I'm just so tired of the miserable cycle. Reduces my will to live--I suspect that weakens my immune system. So even as I struggle to survive...

NOTE NEXT MORNING

• Full moon: it is now. Glares in my window; uneasy sleep.
• Abducted, cops no help:
  1. Just read S.E. Grove's Sentence of Glass. A cult kidnaps, questions & tortures Sophia's uncle. She can't call the cops. They own the cops.
  2. Just saw the anime Kamisama Kiss. A lonely white snake-spirit living in the past abducts Nanami; his pocket world has no cops for her to call.
• Recurrent torture: I get recurrent fevers and inflammation--not every full moon, but roughly one a month. Never diagnosed; I dub it Lyme, but that's just my own guess. Recently an oral surgeon saw one lesion and thought it was herpetic not bacterial; urged me to try the antiviral acyclovir.
• Emotional scars: the dream warns my years of being misdiagnosed and just plain disbelieved have left psychological scars I've overlooked.
• ACTION: Fight my tendency to go it alone! Start by getting a doctor's appointment, ask for acyclovir, and in my next attack, see if it works.

FOUR MONTHS LATER

My clinic had only one doctor available fairly soon. One Saturday morning, without warning, he called me up demanding I explain my request for acyclovir--half asleep, over the phone. He dismissed it all, including my oral surgeon's urging. He wanted testing I can't afford (I'm uninsurable for the next 16 months--long story) and denied me a prescription. No wonder he has vacant appointments!

So I called the clinic and asked for a doctor I know and trust. But she's mobbed; next appointment is months away...

...and I'm still waiting.

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