A friend of mine tells me he's in love with Michael Stipe, the singer/composer of REM. He knows Stipe is straight, but can't help obsessing on him. Strange--I love Stipe's music but just can't see him as sexy like my friend sees him. In an odd way I'm blind to whatever women and gay men see in male bodies--including my own body. Just won't see size strength beards brows big chins muscles body-hair etc as sexy!

Cats, yes, horses, yes, hell, DINOSAURS, yes!

Men? Nah.

NOTES NEXT MORNING

In the park yesterday, seeing dogs and their owners, I suddenly faced that I find more animals sexy than people! They're usually in better shape and their auras are clearer.

His sexual orientation is toward REM? So he's part of me... the part with the guts to admits that what really turns me on isn't boys girls cats horses or dinos but... dreams.

NOTE FIVE YEARS LATER

Even though I love REM's music, it was fully four years after this dream before I noticed Stipe is gay! It's partly explainable by my composer's ear--confronted with interesting music, I can barely hear song lyrics--I'm lost in the sound. Still... color me oblivious!

Well, color my conscious, at least. My dream obviously knew. Anyway, suddenly my friend's hopeless crush looked different. My gaydar knew, even if I didn't.

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