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Pencil, 1997, spinoff from the dream "Trusting Foxes", tinted 2001, by Chris Wayan

I had a rough childhood and I'm still fearful of strangers. I push hard to ignore that fear, and I really can act quite brave now. Only... recently, I noticed this has unintended consequences. By pushing so hard to take social risks, I think I exhaust my supply of courage, or stress-tolerance, or something. So then I take less ARTISTIC risks! Like courage is money or gasoline--only a certain amount in the tank!

Am I the only one like this?

I'm a shy fox. I like to play, but freeze up when humans watch.
I mean, social skills are important, but if a creative art's important to you too... It's like phoning while you drive--even worse, because creativity and trying to find love and friends aren't routine tasks--they're vital, and deserve concentration!

And split concentration is no concentration at all.

As I play piano, I promise myself time ALONE, playing where humans can't see or hear me.
I was using music, in particular, as an excuse to flirt and play with people I'd otherwise be shy with. Not only was I using it as a crutch, like alcohol... but it was dumbing down the music, too! I hadn't seen that before. To be real with people, AND to grow creatively, I need a date or two with me, just as much as dates with others.

No big revelation this time. Just... maybe you've been here too.

LISTS AND LINKS: the dream my fox-self appeared in: Trusting Foxes - another spinoff from TRUSTING FOXES: Dare to be Fat! - foxes and fox-spirits - I'm Just Not Myself Today! - cross-gender dreaming - sexy creatures - shyness and embarrassment - music - instruments - playing

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