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Dreamed 1994/4/18 by Chris Wayan

I'm dancing down the Internet Sidewalk with a woman friend. Suddenly, as we dance, I have an option to step out of my body and reshape it any way I like!

Instantly, I picture myself as young, beautiful, a rather short delicate birdlike woman with frizzy red hair. A ballet body. The one I always felt I should have in dance class, but didn't.

Now I do. I dream look down my shirt and find I've changed sex.

The sex change is such a relief, really: I'm still afraid of men, but now that's understood by society. And now if I say "I'm a lesbian" I may get hostile looks but not bewildered ones... In my old body, both men and women got confused and said things like "you feel like a lesbian... but you're a man, aren't you?" That got a bit tiresome. Being queer seems so straight, by comparison!

And I know, in my blood, that I can love with no guilt, and FIND a lover easily, in this body--my natural body.

I'm pretty sure my personal life will be happier...

...but overall? On the street, I won't just feel scared of men (as always!), but genuinely be in more danger--on three counts too, being little, female, queer.

And on the job, will I be listened to? I look femme, young, and small. Being tall and male guaranteed attention in this society--if I'd dared to demand it. It's true that I never did--always been a little mouse, in hiding. A privilege you don't use, can't use, isn't much different from no privilege. Still...

Am I so sure I haven't just solved one set of problems by creating another?

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