THAT DAY

Work on the World Dream Bank. Sketch the crumbling castle for my dream Ermine. Work on Tritonian Foxtaur too; the text still feels raw, needs focus. For The Foam Furs, a photoessay on the interplay of autism, art, giftedness, healing, and a furry sexual orientation, I photograph Vixtoria on deck. Treat her as finished, though her headpiece & an ear-lining are just pinned. Add a final table with two photos, rewrite the conclusions. One more huge project done online, if not quite in real life. But a week away, after five years...

Sculpture: start altering a Monster High doll. Cut and straighten her neck. Braid & plait doubled pipecleaners till I have a tail long and stiff enough to be a third tripod-leg. The unaltered dolls--like Barbies--just fall over, but my reinforced catgirl stands up on her own!

Another blow for fetishism feminism.

Ermine

Tritonian Foxtaur

Foam Furs: Vixtoria

Gray catgirl; pipecleaner tail

THAT EVENING

On PBS, Charlie Rose interviews billionaires Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. Buffett argues emphatically that "education's not enough, and it's government's job to provide healthcare and basic income for unemployables--they aren't lazy, just a growing segment whose skills quit being profitable, because robots can do their jobs cheaper." I'm paraphrasing from memory, but that's the gist.

As I watch Gates and Buffett speculate if education would lift up normal folks left behind by automation and global capitalism, I thought of the flood of plaintive emails I've gotten over the years--from lonely prodigies unable to find friends, and from normals longing to be prodigies. Like geniuses are jes' folks with good study habits! Sure, you can get more done if you're disciplined. But a genius isn't just a hard-working student, any more than an autistic is just a neurotypical with odd hobbies. I fear Buffett is right. Education alone doth not a genius make. Nor a secure career.

2018 NOTE: months later, accusations of sexual harassment got Rose fired. Some viewers regret the loss of Rose's admittedly intelligent interviews; this show bares how his sexism hurt not just co-workers but viewers, too. Rose didn't just disrespect women; he overrespected men like Buffett and Gates. Two sides of the same coin!

I'm in a cafe. I'm attracted to a teenage girl with a narrow face. Unusual for me. Is it her strong aura?

She says "I work here part-time, but what I really like is reading Tarot for people on the side."

I ask other staff, "Is she good?" They say "Yeah." Confirms my guess she's psychic.

I urge them to give her some paid hours as a reader and healer; it'll draw in customers. There's a raised booth with a tiny table that's ideal for Tarot readings.

But the manager discounts my advice, for two reasons:

1: "You just think she's hot." True, but why do I like her? I'm pretty sure it's not physical beauty--it's her powerful energy tugging at me! He has it backward. I don't see her as capable because she's attractive, I'm attracted because she's capable.

2: "Tarot is a religious practice. So we'd have to give EVERY faith a booth." He adds "Besides, psychic reading isn't a talent--anyone can practice and develop second sight!" Innate talent is irrelevant; it's all about effort. American egalitarianism.

But he's wrong. Yes, most people have diverse (if rudimentary) talents they could develop--though usually don't. But people vary a LOT, and some have powerful inherent gifts. Music, math... ESP. She's got a visibly radiating talent--even if only a sensitive minority can see!

Now my mom shows up, alive again. We start arguing about effort versus aptitude. She too says "Achievement is just education plus hard work!" She ignores that you need innate abilities to tackle some fields--you need spatial/quantitative visualization for math/science, or language/mirroring for writing & acting, or strength/coordination for sports, dance or music, or facial recognition, mood-sensing and a grasp of pecking order, for politics and business.

Can you develop them? Sure, within limits--often severe limits.

I have the first two of those four clusters, and lack the second two. "Mom... my music teachers assumed I was a piano beginner after 10-15 years of practice, and my bandmates thought I DIDN'T practice--since I didn't improve. I hit a plateau--the best I could do with brain damage from Lyme. I suspected an infection all my doctors overlooked, took antibiotic herbs & drugs, and suddenly my coordination and playing improved! THEN my friends believed I practiced! So don't tell ME it's all effort not aptitude. My aptitude changed. I know it's real, and it matters."

She's shocked to hear all this. Why?

Oh. Right. She wouldn't have heard. I tested my Lyme hypothesis only after she died. I'm arguing with her ghost. The ghost of American egalitarianism.

NOTES

• Psychic teen: I'm enjoying Carolyn Ives Gilman's Dark Orbit. Moth is from an all-blind culture; she seems helpless to the sighted, but when the sighted aren't looking (and pinning her down to one location) she can walk between dimensions!
• Older woman back, music: I ran into fellow dream-artist Jenny Badger Sultan today and mentioned my band the Krelkins is recording our first album.
• Non-academic skills are profitable too: Warren Buffett said "We need to value and develop a wider variety of skills--science, art, sports, business. If America rewarded only athletic talent, I'd be broke."
• ACTION 1: read more Gilman! She hypothesizes that sensory or cognitive difference nurtures overlooked abilities--and only science fiction explores our deep differences. Mundane ("realist") fiction assumes a shared humanity--aims at universal truths. Well, they aren't. Science fiction--like science itself--studies uncomfortable outliers. Like me.
• ACTION 2: Trust my sense of liking. Yes, why I'm attracted is often hazy (looks? kindness? sensuality? brains? ESP?), but all are worth exploring!
• ACTION 3: Don't try to fix stupid people. Or normal people. They CAN be helped--chipping away at disabilities, addictions and abuse-scars really can change you. But plenty of institutions serve normals. I can best help other outliers--gifteds, geeks, furs, psychics, and so on, who get no help since they're mischaracterized.
• ACTION 4: focus some on my worst limiter, health... but practice music too; don't define myself by disabilities. Why bother? Normal folks will do it for you.

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