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FLOWERING


1996, pencil darkened and tinted in Photoshop by Chris Wayan


My friend Dawn dragged me out of my cave to a San Francisco street music festival. I watched, I sketched street scenes... not one of them musical! Because years after breaking up with a batterer, I was finally coming alive to the possibility of dating again. I was looking around me, noticing who I was attracted to, underneath the old fears...

Cool woman listening to blues. Suddenly I know, SULTRY is as toxic to me as TOBACCO
Sweet smile, ballerina body, but much too young! Pedophilia? Or am I scared a BIG grrrl may... hit me again? A singer as thin as ME! Yet she's sexy! I'll quit hiding MY anorexia. Thin's OK. Her belly throbbed with every breath, and I wanted to slip my hands into those loose jeans!
Girls in love held hands openly. If they risk bashing to love who they want, why can't I risk mere rejection? Or... is it acceptance I fear? Tiny dancer on the wire, fanning everyone's desire... looks 15, yet she squirms till the whole crowd's hot! Thought I was bad for wanting her... Not!
My friend Dawn sees me ogle a stunning teen and murmurs 'She's cute.' Thanks, Dawn! Your assurances my desires are okay led me one more step out of the closet toward love.


LISTS AND LINKS: fairs - healing from abuse - hunks, babes & beauty - lesbians - out of the closet! - sexual awakening - pedophilic fears - anorexia & flabophobia - allergies, EI, chronic illness - round/nonsquare art - pencil - portraits - tales of the waking world - Dawn

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