I'm living with my parents again. Not sure how old I am--teens? One of my sisters introduces me to a girlfriend of hers, who looks like Crystal in my anorexia/bulemia group, but here she's much younger, only fourteen or so. I'm puzzled by the discrepancy and troubled by my attraction to her.

But we talk, and find we like each other. Or is it just sexual? I touch her arm shyly. She stands a little closer. I'm sitting on my bed now; she sits down on the foot. While talking we touch a little more. Slowly gain each others' trust, kiss. I lick and kiss her throat and shoulders. She slips down her sweater to bare a breast, and I kiss and suck her nipple. Back up to her mouth. She puts her hand around my erect cock. I hold her tight, stroke her ass through her dress. She's naked under the skirt. Slide her dress up, slip my hand around between her legs. My fingers slither into her cunt from behind. Wet and slippery already.

And yet... I'm not THAT turned on. Because it's sex pure and simple. We're both horny teens who like and trust the other to be a good, considerate lover... but no more. Missing some other dimension. And my body knows it. Turned on but not glowing...

I don't recall coming.

And then...

Suddenly, I'm at a party. A circle of quite attractive women are talking--clearly old friends. From just outside their ring, I listen in... "I don't vote, do you?"

"No--what's the point?"

"Politicians are so dishonest."

"They're all the same, there's no real choice."

"Only nerds vote."

Suddenly they don't seem so attractive--unless you're attracted to idiots. I'm not being harsh or sexist calling nonvoters idiots--that's what the Greek word "idiot" originally meant, a person so self-centered they don't bother about politics, about their community. Who didn't speak in assembly, who didn't bother to vote.

In short, a normal American, taught apathy by the rich.

So where the hell did my sex dream go? Wrong question! It's the same dream. What's with all the OTHER sex fantasies that DON'T include politics? That don't dream about something more than a momentary release? The best sex is never JUST sex.

And what about soul-mates? Meeting someone and it clicks? It's what most of us want, but the path to get there is (like many things) through its opposite. To find a soul-mate and instantly know s/he's the one, you have to be able to know who isn't. Who's an idiot--without brains, or sensitivity, or values.

And you know... since this dream, I've found it a real turn-on to think "Nah, that one's wrong for me!" and move on to viable candidates. I use the word "candidate" deliberately. It's just like learning to vote for and fund and march for and fight for what you really want, not the insipid mainstream candidates and policies you're supposed to vote for as you hold your nose...

Because that's for idiots. Greek idiots. Non-idiots don't settle for less like that. They go for their heart's desire.

I could settle for less at this party. Some of the idiots in that clique are hot. I could fuck an idiot and tell you all about it. But I'd be ashamed of myself, for sleeping with the enemy. No, this time I'll get off more on saying "No, thank you."

Remember me the next time you're tempted to settle for an idiot--in dreams or out.

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