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PALE BLUE

Dreamed 1997/5/12 by Chris Wayan

I'm feeling sad and lonely. So I pray to the goddess of love "Send me a girlfriend."

I go out and wander the City. Run into a family of European tourists, a mom and her kids. Her daughter's a short and delicate teen with a round face and Asian eyes, though she's blonde. She always wears pale blue. We feel a strong mutual attraction, and talk all night alone in her room in their temporary apartment. Maybe more than talk--but by midmorning we're dressed, which is lucky, because the rest of the family comes home abruptly and her mom comes calling for her. She hides in the closet! Her mom comes in and asks "Was she here? Did she climb out the window?" I sensed she was overprotective, and suspects men of being predators, but I didn't realize she got like THIS, mistrusting her daughter too!

I tell the truth, since her mom's already peered in the closet and not seen her. It's so small there must be a hidden door. Mom doesn't believe me. I shrug. I refuse to cater to her suspicions. Or her underestimation of her daughter, who's apparently built an escape hatch in her closet already, though they just moved in. I want to follow her now, I try to squeeze in, but it's so tiny and filled with junk I can't even SEE very far in. Try to clear some of the stuff, but it's too jammed to even remove easily. Give up.

Now comes a long time when I must endure the suspicions of her mom, and listen to her worry about her poor fragile daughter out among those awful men.

At last I start silently picturing disasters here and just outside her home. If I can summon some crisis, it'll shut Mom up, and let me show her I'm reliable in a pinch. Finally settle on a car accident--a loud scary one, but no major damage.

CRASH! The slap of metal out the window--two cars have hit head-on. We all rush out into the street. Just then Pale Blue walks up, perfectly safe of course, but before her mom can spot her I hiss "Lie down in shock!" She does, as if she's dazed, and I cradle her head and stroke her hair. Her mom'll be so relieved she's OK, she'll have to forgive Blue's escapades with me.

But our plan subverts itself. Holding her, stroking her--by the time her mom finds us, she's kissing me hot and deep, rolling and groping on the lawn, and we don't care what her mom says.

Time for her to face the inevitable--her little girl isn't little, and she has a serious boyfriend.

And me? What do I have to face?

Well, the moment I prayed for a girlfriend, my wish was granted!

So what does that say about my long loneliness?

NEXT MORNING

I've been house-hunting. The last house I saw had a closet-sized bedroom with a ragged, half-finished niche in one wall. The owner said cheerfully "My daughter lived in there." "She didn't mind having a room with a jagged hole?" I asked. "No, no, she lived in the hole, not the room! That was someone else's." Wow, how crowded and grim...

Hope the car crash just means the eviction I'm going through, not more and worse uproar.

A FEW DAYS LATER

In my anorexia group, I meet a delicate girl in pale blue. She says her NAME is Blue! I like her, we talk, I get a serious crush on her and hover around her for several months... till, like the mom in my dream, I have to face the fact that she has a boyfriend who she won't give up just because I want her to.

I was wrong about the dream. Well, right about the message, but... I was the mom.



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