World Dream Bank: The Peak Where I Died

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The Peak Where I Died

Dreamed 1983/1/16 by Chris Wayan

THAT DAY

I'm ill. Again. Ever since breaking up with abusive Kay, my health has been fragile, but this is an unusually nasty flare-up. I'm not sure what caused it, though I witnessed some nasty drama between my mom and my sister today. Manipulations I didn't like. But surely just witnessing it didn't make me physically sick. Did it?

THAT NIGHT

I'm trying to climb this lonely mountain rising from a desert... but let me draw it.

A dark, scribbly, expressionist cartoon. CLICK TO ENLARGE. Night scenes on a mountain. Words: 'The Peak Where I Died, or, the Social Swim. I tried climbing before, across the desert, up past the thermal pools into the ice. I died. The sun set and I froze. But now, I'm being clever. I'll sleep in a hot pool halfway and climb the peak in the morning. But this pool's too public--too much muck stirred up. But I know a hidden hotspring... There was a man in it. I don't like men. I got dirty. I summoned a giant duck to chase him back along the path to the public pool. Only I conjured a labyrinth on the path. Hunted by my minotaur mallard he vanished in my maze. I can be ugly. The pool was clean and warm. Tomorrow I'd conquer the summit.

NOTES 20 YEARS LATER

That peak: love. And love had nearly killed me. I'd stayed with crazy Kay far too long. The stress of her abuse had wrecked my health; I nearly died of overexposure. I needed to learn a certain selfishness to survive.
Big public pool = the 'social swim', normal friendships.
Private little pool = Safe peaceful time alone with no drama. What I needed to recover! If that hurts others' feelings, so be it. (My family fussed a lot, wanted us to be "close"'; but every visit drained me.) Let them accuse me of "duck"ing out of my responsibilities. Healing is my responsibility.
ACTION: I can't scale the peak of love yet. For me it's a two-stage operation. Today I must learn to be unloving. Selfish. Say no. Or I won't be alive tomorrow TO love.

LISTS AND LINKS: ascent - ambition - mountains - ice & snow - cold - dying in dreams - healing pools/springs - mazes - swimming - tricksters - birds - monsters - diagnostic dreams - dream-comics - felt pen - same dreamer & night: The Artifact Was Hot - giant duck dreams: Spontaneous Duck & Black Ducks Quacked First

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