Sex First, Then Sadness
Dreamed 1998/12/12 by by Chris Wayan
I'm at a party in a complex hall with little landings and nooks. Not terribly crowded, but so big the scattered people add up to a lot.
I head out into the garden. A hillslope with views. More terraces and nooks. Explore...
Out in the garden, on a bench, I spot an attractive girl in her late teens, who looks sad. More than sad; grieving. I feel an urge to go up to her and ask--attracted to her enough that I'd risk serious involvement with her, even if she's needy or depressed.
But to reach her, the only path goes right by another girl, around 20, in tattery gauzy layers of rust and gold and magenta. Wait... is she dressed in autumn leaves? With sheer stockings and a skirt so short I can see her bare thighs above the stocking tops.
Her aura is even stranger and more intriguing than the sad girl on the bench: hungry for sex and approval, frustrated, insecure, needy... but a very rich half-punk half-baroque artistic sensibility waiting to flourish if she can just heal from whatever's hurt her so.
She's writing words on her thigh with a ballpoint pen.
She looks me in the eye and scrawls what looks (from my upside-down viewpoint) like "DO ME NOW".
I sense immediately that she's sexually starved like me, and might help heal me by wanting my body, my touch. What I have to give might heal her too.
I walk up and say shyly "Hi...Can I hold you?" and do without waiting for an answer. She clings to me and I get turned on. Worry about it, that I'll get sick with frustration or guilt. All I can do to prevent this, is not hide my erection--my desire for her. Which is strong.
But lurking behind all this is a strange hunch. I sense that our affair will be good for us both, but... only transitional.
Because I'll need to go past her to the sad girl, and face her grief.
NOTES IN THE MORNING
A dream advisory! I've wanted to straighten out my emotional tangles before tackling sexual fears. But the dream says no! Sex has to come first--it's in the way. I DID "embrace" my needy sexuality more, today--acknowledged my true feelings, without judgment. But I have to act on them, regardless of the chaos that sexual involvement may entail right now.
Because I can't work on the sadness till I've confronted sex.
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