What to Do in a Wizard's Lair
Dreamed 2013/4/23 by Chris Wayan
A tall, lanky, easy-going friend of mine has a mentor he always obeys--a powerful sorceror. I've been wary of the guy, since I think his magic tilts toward the dark side. I don't want to meet him--what if it turned into a face-off? I'm a shaman, so I could probably improvise a defense, but I wouldn't want anyone hurt. And my friend would feel caught between...
But one day my friend offers to show me his master's flat when he's not around. I admit I'm curious. A genuine wizard's lair! So I follow him over...
Ugh. I wouldn't live here. Small, dark, windowless, stuffy, painted black. Okay, it does have a nice huge bed covered in big stuffed toys. Very wizardly.
He has not one but TWO stuffed tigers. Funny--my friend has one, and so do I at home! The same brand. Why would a wizard, an apprentices and a shaman all like the same toy?
But these tigers have been altered. Half-stuffed! Unlike our toys, his are nearly as flat and limp as tigerskin rugs. Stuffed-tiger roadkill? Hunting trophies? O bold slayer of polyester kitties! Their heads are wide and flat as if their skulls (well, styrofoam inserts) have been squashed or else cut back. Why? I'm tempted to steal one just to learn what he's up to, messing with their heads... Has he been messing with my friend's head too? If so I really will duel him!
But robbing a wizard's a bad idea. Remember Pippin. So, though tempted, I leave his toys alone.
Except, of course, that just before leaving, I jump up and down on the wizard's bed until it's really bouncing, and all his toys dance floppily around, toys with Tourette...
...because I just couldn't resist a provocative bounce. Who could?
NOTES IN THE MORNING
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