I'm living in a society of immortals. I may be mortal, though--there are signs my treatments didn't quite take. So I feel like an outsider--a hidden one, obliged to pass.

I feel driven, too. Better achieve all I can now, fast. The only guy in the world with a literal deadline.

Or am I alone? I meet an heiress to a rich powerful family with a rare illness that makes her lifespan uncertain too--centuries or month, who knows? She hides it too, having endured of lot of insincerity from guys wanting money or power. But her aura tells me immediately that she just needs honesty. The mere fact of being different, having a secret deadline when everyone else has time to burn, has shaped us in similar ways.

We become friends. She even introduces me to her family. I'm attracted to her. I think she wants me too, but is wary. Burned so often!

One day we're in a store or mall with a huge keyboard, big enough to dance on. But it's raised, three feet up. More like a work table.

On impulse I massage her head and neck. She goes limp and flops face down on the keyboard. Doesn't say "More!" but her aura says it.

I feel happy. I can win her! For as long as we have.

NOTES IN THE MORNING

• People in denial silence outsiders with deadlines: two Lyme patients voiced just this feeling in the film I saw today, Under Our Skin. Upsetting, since my own chronic illness resembles (and may be) Lyme, though not as severe as the patients in the film. So far.
• Immortals, exceptions: Robert Silverberg's The Dying Man. Immortals hush up exceptions...
• Giant keyboard, girl: scene from the movie Big, I think.
• Uncertain lifespan: literally true. So I'm driven to achieve certain things before I die.
• ACTION 1: Research alternative treatments. The film makes it clear mainstream medicine won't help--totally captured by the insurance industry.
• ACTION 2: Don't bother dating normal people. I'm so shaped by chronic illness I only relate to other outsiders.
• ACTION 3: Look for love through playing music.
• ACTION 4: Long term: prioritize! Finish what I came here for! In case I have no long term.

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