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I WAS AN ELEPHANT HANDLER

Digital picture of a dream, 1989/4/3, by Chris Wayan

Here's the same poster magnified X2: 1280 by 1000 pixels. This is more the size I saw it at when I painted it. Pixels were bigger in 1989, of course. The effective shrinkage of early computer art on modern screens is ignored but insidious... nibbling away at your sense of scale, like inflation gnawing at your money... My new boss wants me to handle the circus elephants, but I want to be a clown-girl or a trapeze artist. I'm tired of handling big old gray wrinkled librarians--oops, elephants! (I was working in a library at the time). I want to be a star, get some attention... but not from the audience, from the trapeze girls. They're hot. But (sigh) they're probably straight... (Meanwhile, in the next ring: a trapezist giggles 'That new elephant handler is cute' and her girl friend whispers 'Yeah, but she's bound to be straight.'

The dream is warning me that the glamor and terror and joy of life, for me at least, right now, is in baring myself (politically correct or not). Daring to show off, flirt, and be a star. And to be out of the closet about who I lust for! Damn the consequences--quit being a cautious elephant handler.

Elephants? That's no mystery! I was working in a library when I dreamed this--and handling professional librarians all day. Gray, wrinkled, intelligent, individualistic, cranky, formidable, and they never, ever forget.


LISTS AND LINKS: I'm Just Not Myself Today - cross-gender dreams - lesbian dreams - hot girls - Only in San Francisco - dream parades and circuses - elephants - dream humor - performing and drama - comix - pure digital art

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