from Chris Wayan's journal, 1996/11/9
I just put a singles ad in our paper. Not one response. If only I could afford a truly honest ad! But the truth is complex, and costs a dollar a word, and who reads any more?
But here goes anyway. The true ad I dared not post.
Gentle lesbian Mistresse,|
take this Creature in distresse.
You who've always harbored Strays,
Privately you want a Pet;
Evil Landlord will not Let.
So let Me be
your Dream-Pet, free.
No Need to think!
Save that for Work.
Stroke me, and let my Purrs comb smooth
Your tangled Neural Net.
Lick you all over, all day.
I'll Nurse your Refugees.
Don't leave Dog.
They hurt Girl, Dog knows.
Turn not Bitter, turn not Mad!
Dog wants girl to Live.
Play Ball with me!
Play Kiss with me!
Love, love, Dog-love
Dog want Girl to live.
Just a clumsy Dog-Soul
Hmmm. Dog is a literate dog. "Flees ad infinitum" isn't just strange-sounding, it echoes a line from an old English poem about dogs having fleas, "and they have smaller fleas to bite 'em--and so on, ad infinitum." ["to infinity"]
And that line "please, O please" clearly rhymes with those unspoken "fleas".
Uh-oh. As I write this footnote I notice I'm itchy and scratching myself. My house has no fleas. Pure suggestion. I think.
Possibly not the most effective ad...
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