The Power of Non-Visualization
Dreamed 2018/4/29 by Wayan
I'm sitting in a big film or theater class, watching a film. A woman onscreen tells how to... wish. I watch intently. By me, a girl I respect--one of the few other really bright students in this mostly dim bunch--mutters "Quit fidgeting!" and gets up and sits farther from me.
Sigh! I'm an Aspie--I try to suppress my rocking and twitching, but it's hard when I'm concentrating.
The lesson onscreen is so riveting I forget about my offended classmate. The narrator's saying "Don't try to visualize what you want. Close your eyes and leave the screen black! Just be clear what it is you wish for, and don't will the world to give it to you. Clarity alone. And NON-visualization!"
Here the filmmaker takes a risk. All visual aids stop. As the narrator says "Don't try to visualize", the eye of the camera closes; from here on, it's her voice and a black screen.
With nothing to see, I try it. Non-visualization! Close my own eyes and feel what I want. Am I so sure I know?
Out of the deep water, the truth swims up slow. I knew I wanted better health, and that's true; I thought I wanted a girlfriend too. Wrong. My real wish is for that feeling when I'm using shamanic power right--whether I link to someone psychically, or just through talk, but it changes us both. It's lovely when that intimacy's sexual too, but that's a bonus. It's the feeling as deep change happens. Mine, a friend's, a stranger's--never mind who.
NOTES IN THE MORNING
Still, the main lesson isn't where or how. It's what. I don't want what I thought.
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