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Dreamed 2006/4/4 by Chris Wayan

Sepia sketch of man tied at wrists and ankles to a vertical frame or rack, spread-eagled, naked

It's a weird scene down at the office. My friend Chris is tied naked onto a wooden frame. Profile sketch of balding businessman with mustache

No, not Christ, just Chris. Those are only rags around his wrists and ankles, not nails through them. His torturer, a balding executive guy in a suit, looks satisfied with that. No need for blood--tying Chris up is enough. Why, he's racked with pain!

Or so it seems. But Chris is a full-time artist's model, used to holding poses for hours; so this bothers him far less than you'd think. In fact, he's wriggled free, but keeps his hands up, winding the rags around his wrists as if he's still caught!

And when his boss walks into the next room to consult a filing cabinet, or breaks to get a sandwich, Chris slips off the rack, sits naked on the boss's desk, and opens a sack lunch and snacks.

He snacks with an eye on the door, though. He's hired to suffer without breaks. At the sound of steps in the next room, he hops back into position, racked with pain, just before his boss looks in!

What IS this, slacker-style martyrdom?

He's even been chatting softly on the phone with a girl he likes, explaining the whole situation--he wants to arrange a date with her, but whispers "keep your voice down, or my boss'll hear us. We'll have to wait, I'm all tied up at the office."

Aw, you saw that line coming...

NOTES Black background, sepia sketch: man tied to a rack, whispering into cellphone

Hmm. That universal ad-disclaimer seems especially appropriate today:

"Kids, don't try this at home. Professional martyr on a professional rack."

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