I'm watching an endless ad about the exciting new uses for pigs. Each seems dumber than the last.

The final claim, and the most alarming, is:

"Our new Portable Pigs are 60% more absorbent! They make wonderful eco-friendly tampons! Try a pig today!"

Somehow this seems like a very, very bad idea... except for the lawyers, once the toxic shock suits start rolling in. Didn't they learn their lesson from the Dalkon Shield?

NEXT MORNING

• The ad = yesterday, I saw "Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle." The ads before the film all had the same oily male announcer--exactly the voice in the Portable Pig ad.
• Tampons = in the movie, the aging, bitter Dorothy Parker starts lugging a lapdog around, as a substitute for love. The little furball soaked up her bitter boozy tears... an EMOTIONAL tampon!
• Beats leaking your bloody feelings all over the place... I guess. Better you (or your hapless pet) get emotional toxic shock than everyone else.

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