That Day

Make a topo map of Tharn, an arid but still living biosphere I'm designing.

Sculpt a lebbird of clay, out on our back deck. Hours, until I'm shivering in the chill breeze. A challenge to see the final position of hips inside the support-mass, and carve away the rest. But though it's bone-dry clay (legs of damp clay would surely collapse), I learn I CAN still add on: dampen and redo one hand, lengthen her fingers. Progress.

Tharn

Lebbird

That Evening

My housemates and I go see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Over all I like it, but one thing bothers me--out of the four finalists, just one's a girl? And Fleur's so weak she needs rescuing? Hmm. I thought better of JK Rowling!

THAT NIGHT...

Dream 1: SEXY UNDER THE SURFACE

I'm swimming in a pool at a resort, with two girls I've known a long time. We're all twentyish. Swim and play, but it turns to flirting and teasing, and then, suddenly, more. My arm's around one girl--in honor of the movie, let's call her Fleur--stroking her nipple, while the other girl, who we'll call Hermione, though she wasn't, clamped her thighs around my foot so my toes are in her cunt, while her foot and Fleur's hand both massage my erect cock.

Feels like we've broken a barrier--finally all acting on mutual attractions we've felt a long time, but hid. No jealousy, either--just trust, warmth, sexual experimentation.

But I notice... we still explore mostly underwater, half-hidden from any passers-by. We don't quite dare to bring our little orgy-experiment out in the open air.

Yet.

• Swimming: socializing, dating. Felt predictive. After a long time alone I'm thinking about sex/dating again, but so far I feel very shy admitting it.
• Girls underwater: in Goblet of Fire:
  1. Myrtle angrily teases Harry in bath--but also tells him his merfolk-recording is only intelligible underwater. And of course...
  2. Heroic Harry pulls Fleur out of the lake, because Rowling (who ought to know better) set Fleur up as a rescue object! Sexy equals weak? Sheesh!
• Touch and sex play: sculpting today! Felt so sensual to me--almost as sexy as sex.
• No jealousy: sharp contrast with the movie--Harry, Hermione and Ron wrestled with sex, shyness and jealousy. So prickly!
• ACTION (short-term): take up social offers in this next week. Watch for two sisters or best friends, I guess. You never know.
• ACTION (long-term): look hard at my shyness. In the dream, I felt sexually bold only underwater. Furtive? Before I critique Rowling's view of sex, re-examine my own.

Dream 2: ALIEN TOURS SACRED PEAKS

Whoops! Now I'm playing tourguide for an alien girl from another universe entirely--showing her round Earth. My corner of it at least--the American West.

She has big sharp eyes but has never seen mountains, or crags, or snow, or horizons. Her language lacks words for them! Her homeworld must be a misty place. Or isn't a sphere... do they even have planets back home, is she from a space-habitat or something? Anyway, she can't interpret the vast view at all. Unsure of the scale. I have to explain a lot. I don't mind--she's very attractive!

If a bit strange. Big wide-set cat eyes in a wide face on a long neck, more llama than human. Basketball-tall, leggy... each trait juuuuust within human range, but together they shout alien. She wears a silver swimsuit or leotard, a wide sombrero that looks like a flying saucer, and thigh-high rocket-boots. Silver cloth or actual metal?

As I arrange these sacred peaks in a mental map, see they're scrambled. This is a dream! Symbolic. But of what? All I get is... those jagged crags look impressive but are objectively smaller--just nearer, in the way. To orient ourselves we have to look far. Horizons, not the local eye-grabbing scenery. Like her.

NOTES

• Silver suit: Fleur Delacoeur in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. No sexual shyness, unlike us in Dream 1.
• UFO hat: it's not just sex--she lets her geek flag fly, too.
• Arizona: Predictive! Next day my friend Xanthe calls. "I just spent days at an Arizona ranch."
• San Francisco Peaks: should be SW of us not NNE, and taller than anything to the north of us like the Henry Mts. Not sure why the dream's distorted the map so much. The point may be that both the San Francisco Peaks and Navajo Mountain are sacred, homes of spirits.
• But smaller, nearer crags loom larger: I think the dream hints I may be letting daily drama distract me from bigger, more distant, sacred life-goals.
• ACTION (immediate): Go to the library, get books on planning and entrepreneurship--even if I only use the skills to plan art projects! Learn how to plan longterm.
• ACTION (sustained): Keep perspective! Look beyond nearby distractions to wider horizons, deeper goals. What matters most to me? What did I come here for? Map my goals... and tackle them.

13 YEARS LATER

I tried.

• Money? Secure now--about 7 times my 2005 income & net worth.
• Health? Not cured but WAY better than in 2005; self-identified my condition (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome plus a couple of persistent infections) and devised non-prescription treatments that work.
• Art and writing? Built the World Dream Bank, Planetocopia, and half a dozen smaller projects.
• Music? Recording that CD at last--though stuck and struggling at the moment!
• Love? Stuck and not even struggling. Tempted, but when anyone's attracted to me I feel wary and skittish. Still hiding under the surface.

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