At the Stanford Library where I work, I process a new purchase--an artbook. It has a foldout with a strange picture, in nearly colorless gouache, or maybe ink washes: a mixture of a rearing mare, huge flowers, and the Chinese character chū, , "to go out". I usually prefer clear images with saturated colors, the opposite of this--but I like it. I just can't figure out why. The three subjects are superimposed and blend confusingly. An odd combination. Horse, ideograph, flowers.

Hidden between some pages at the end, I find more pictures, loose. I slide them out and find they're numbered. I fit them in the proper places in the book. They seem to tell a story. A weird one, since the book seems to be an illustrated volume of George MacDonald's "Curdie" series--19th Century kids' fantasies with a strong mystical side. I liked them as a kid. I like this dream-version now.

The caption for one print says "Oh! Look, Grandmother! In the mirror!" Apparently the Princess has fallen prey to self-analysis, and spends all her time looking in the magic mirror meant to be a survival tool... ignoring the rest of the world.

Grandmother Goddess leaves the Princess alone a while to sort herself out, and re-learn how to take action out in the world. You can't just stare in the mirror.

And it works--eventually. The Princess sets out on a journey into the wildwood. Grandmother, relieved, reappears to guide her, taking her woodland form--a deer-centaur. So Granddaughter becomes one too. They run through the forest in joy...

A color woodblock print shows the two of them: deertaurs the color of the woods--light grass-green Princess and sober pine-green Grandma. Lovely but so strange...

At last, in the forest's heart, the two Deertaurs meet its deep guardians: horse- and deer-headed women in antique robes, with staves of power and jeweled circlets...

And there, just as it gets really interesting, I wake. Aagh!

Working at the library today I did see artbooks: the animal paintings of Franz Marc, and fairytale pictures of mermaids and centaurs.

But the dream also has specific echoes of George Macdonald's The Princess and the Goblin and The Princess and Curdie. One character, Lina, botched her human life, got reincarnated as a toothy hound (right, with Princess Irene), and hopes to rise to human again. In her life, animality's just a sentence to endure.

In contrast, my dream blends deer, horse and human freely, seeing animal traits not as punishment but joy. No surprise! Macdonald, raised pre-Darwinist Christian, was a human supremacist. I'm pagan, post-Darwin, and not so sure.

I am sure that the dream demands two actions: draw the images, and heed Grandma Deertaur! I'm looking too much in the mirror of dreams, and need to look outward. Chū, , go out! This isn't exotic. Jung found dreamworkers often get told "Pay less attention to us, you're neglecting business--too deep in dreams!"

And if the dream is accusing me of escapism, it may be right. After two years of grim lawsuits, I got a settlement, but felt exhausted. I wanted a dream vacation amid magical, sexy, wild creatures, who never have to fill out legal forms! I got one--with limits. Dreams don't want to become a drug.

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