I've liked Shelley since ninth grade. And not just because she's hot, stalking around our high school in her little tiger-striped miniskirt and her big sly grin. She's hot and smart--how many girls make the math team and the cheerleaders? Three years of sharing classes, and then... one day we're just talking in the hall between classes, teasing each other, and suddenly I grab her and kiss that big mouth, and we're just glued together, groping and gasping. When I reach under that little dress she's naked and slippery. She unzips me and we start making love in the hallway outside English class! I love it, I love Shelley... I'm close to coming.

And then... we turn into lobsters.

We're still fucking, in lobster ecstasy, but I think lobsters are gross, I refuse to be a lobster, I just can't think of Shelley as sexy as a LOBSTER! So I pull back from my own dream and just watch myself, still a lobster, happily fuck Shelley the lobster, in her shell...

Shelley and I both come--still giant lobsters, over there across the hall. I just watch us sullenly, feeling cheated. I envy her lobster orgasm, I envy MYSELF!

When all I had to do was let myself accept it. Accept lobsters. Quit being a crustacean bigot.

Look what it cost me! Shelley.

What's it cost YOU?

LATER NOTES

Lobster, Shelley, shell... I wonder if Shelley "had a lobster" that night, for dinner I mean, or dissected a crayfish in biology, or went to the aquarium, or... I was too shy to ask Shelley, of course. I was even too shy to write the dream down at first, since I worried my sisters or parents might snoop in my diary--that's why the exact date is uncertain.

I had a lot of dreams like this at 15 and 16. Like everyone's adolescent dreams, they seemed to be teaching me to adjust to a new dimension in life. Only the new dimension wasn't sex! I was a child prodigy, reading at age 2, but physically precocious too--my puberty (first sex dreams, first orgasms) hit at age 9--nearly half my life ago. This dream seemed to dare me to learn to identify with other species, to be comfortable in nonhuman bodies, having nonhuman instincts.

Dreams like this were an early shamanic call! Using adolescent sexual hunger as, well, bait.

Lobster bait.

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