I'm in Santa Cruz, ambling around the Boardwalk cove with my cow friend, the pink one. She's a huge stuffed toy, pony-sized, magenta and pink and fuchsia.

I've known her for years, but only now do I notice that what I think of as her face and body isn't all original equipment! She stitched on (well, hired someone to stitch on; hooves aren't dexterous) fabric accessories--huge fuchsia lips, a flowerlike third-eye thingie between her horns, a sort of floral mane, scrollwork decorations in pink and purple felt on her sides.

I try to look through her recent alterations to the original shape of her head. It was leaner, plainer--the skull of a feral cow, a wary cow, a cow out alone in dry, bitter brush.

Yet now she looks rich, even ornate. To a large extent she's a self-made cow!

And maybe I should shape myself, too.

NOTES NEXT MORNING

• Female friend in Santa Cruz: my sister Miriel! Often when I dream of Santa Cruz she calls that day. We'll see.
• Big plush toy: I found a huge stuffed tiger on sale. On my bed now! But not screaming pink! Why pink?
• Pink, self-sculpting: I recently sculpted a centauroid dancer with pink/magenta hair. Why? Because my armature was a thrift-store Barbie with pink punk hair.
• Fabric accessories: are these fake, a mask? If I wore a pink wig, it'd be fake. But for a magically animated pink cloth cow, aren't they the same stuff as her original body? So if they're sewn on, aren't they part of her now--real?
• Adornment: I just read The Undrowned Child by Michelle Lovric. In it, tomboy Teo learns "when in Venice, dress up". Caring for looks needn't mean surrender to conformity; beauty is a communal contribution. In some communities.
• Third eye: ESP? Is the dream warning me it's psychic? Is something up with my sister? Wouldn't be the first telepathic dream linking us.
• ACTION: I've been getting long-deferred dentistry at last. The dream clearly approves. But it seems to urge multiple changes/improvements. What kind?

FIVE DAYS LATER

Well, despite the dream's hint that something's up with my sister, she didn't call that day, and I was overwhelmed by tax work, and I forgot to call her. But today she called me...

She's been reeling. As a kid, she split off her rebel side to act like a good girl--our dad criticized her mercilessly. Now that lost rebel-part has resurfaced. She can't stand to be around anyone. The day before I had the cow dream, she wrote a song about this good-girl mask, SOS. A key phrase: "Smile! Keep your stuffing in."

So she went to her therapist to talk about this. The shrink urged her to hug a pillow--a plush fuchsia pillow meant as a heart, but to Miriel it looked like big red puffy fabric lips. She felt repelled. Smile! Keep your stuffing in.

So she tested her new song on her friend Scott. His feedback:

"You are a strawberry milk cow."

And how many of your dreams are? Ha! Here we all sit, earnestly interpreting our bizarre dream symbols... when some aren't symbols at all.

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