I'm in Santa Cruz, ambling around the Boardwalk cove with my cow friend, the pink one. She's a huge stuffed toy, pony-sized, magenta and pink and fuchsia.

I've known her for years, but only now do I notice that what I think of as her face and body isn't all original equipment! She stitched on (well, hired someone to stitch on; hooves aren't dexterous) fabric accessories--huge fuchsia lips, a flowerlike third-eye thingie between her horns, a sort of floral mane, scrollwork decorations in pink and purple felt on her sides.

I try to look through her recent alterations to the original shape of her head. It was leaner, plainer--the skull of a feral cow, a wary cow, a cow out alone in dry, bitter brush.

Yet now she looks rich, even ornate. To a large extent she's a self-made cow!

And maybe I should shape myself, too.

NOTES NEXT MORNING

• Female friend in Santa Cruz: my sister Miriel! Often when I dream of Santa Cruz she calls that day. We'll see.
• Big plush toy: I found a huge stuffed tiger on sale. On my bed now! But not screaming pink! Why pink?
• Pink, self-sculpting: I recently sculpted a centauroid dancer with pink/magenta hair. Why? Because my armature was a thrift-store Barbie with pink punk hair.
• Fabric accessories: are these fake, a mask? I'm made of meat; if I wore a pink wig, it'd be fake. But for a magically animated cloth cow, aren't they the same stuff as her original body? So if they're sewn on, aren't they part of her now--real?
• Adornment: I just read The Undrowned Child by Michelle Lovric. In it, tomboy Teo learns "when in Venice, dress up". Beauty isn't a surrender to conformity but a communal contribution. In some communities. Venice is a pageant.
• Third eye: ESP? Is the dream warning me it's psychic? Is something up with my sister? Wouldn't be the first telepathic dream linking us.
• ACTION: I've been getting long-deferred dentistry at last. The dream clearly approves. But it seems to urge multiple changes/improvements. What kind?

FIVE DAYS LATER

Well, despite the dream's hint that something's up with my sister, she didn't call that day, and I was overwhelmed by tax work, and I forgot to call her. But today she called me...

She's been reeling. As a kid, she split off her rebel side to act like a good girl--our dad criticized her mercilessly. Now that lost rebel-part has resurfaced. She can't stand to be around anyone. The day before I had the cow dream, she wrote a song about this good-girl mask, SOS. A key phrase: "Smile! Keep your stuffing in."

So she went to her therapist to talk about this. The shrink urged her to hug a pillow--a plush fuchsia pillow meant as a heart, but to Miriel it looked like great big red puffy fabric lips. She felt repelled. Smile! Keep your stuffing in.

So she tested her new song--sang it to her friend Scott. His feedback:

"You are a strawberry milk cow."

And how many of your dreams are? Ha! Here we all sit, earnestly interpreting our bizarre dream symbols... when some aren't symbols at all.

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